Published on 12, July, 2020
Daughter 17, was diagnosed with autism in July this year, she had been masking.
She has been struggling with making friends and has a lot of anxiety concerning this.
Attending 6th form College has become too much for her due to the travel and loneliness, therefore now studying online. Of course this has resulted in her becoming more isolated which we tried to talk to her about before she made the change but she wouldn't listen.
She hasn't done any studying for two weeks and has been spending a lot of time asleep. I understand that she might be tired if she has been coping with her day, but today for example she has not been out of the house and only just got out of bed (6pm). I've suggested that she might be depressed but she says no and won't let me make an appointment with the Dr's. Even if I did make one without her approval she would refuse to go. - she reckons that she will go to Uni next year and will make loads of friends and be away from her horrible parents... I've tried to suggest that she may not make friends for a variety of reasons but she won't listen and I'm being negative.. but as I've said she isn't doing any work...
I've tried to suggest different social groups both for autistic people but she won't go
I don't know what to say or do.... help...
Hi
You can't force friendships - spending all their time in their rooms is very common. The whole social anxiety and masking to hide from manipulators & bullies means that almost everyone will fail the "can I be bothered talking to you" test.
The more you push, the more she will resist - she knows best - like every other teenager.
Anxiety over every little thing causes extreme fatigue so sleeping lots is common too. Do you think she will pass this course with enough points to get to uni? What's plan B if she doesn't get into uni?
Thanks Plastic
I understood the extreme fatigue when DD was going to College, but when she isn't going out anywhere, I don't understand the cause of the fatigue?? How can I help, will it get any better as she gets older?
No plan B "as she doesn't need one"....
No plan B - she could be in for a stressful time at clearing!
The anxiety is from life - the worry about the work, the future, social media, measuring everybody to try to look normal but not 'getting' the rules etc - to the point that the stress can paralyse her ability to do the work - glitch mode. The more stressed she gets, the more she will insist that everything is ok until it all crashes around her.
Can you get any help from local MH team to talk to her - she probably won't listen to you - or maybe your GP? Without any other input, she'll spiral in within her own thoughts.
Why not take her out to lunch - mention that you'd like to help and whatever she really wants to do is fine by you - you only want her to be happy - it's ok to change her mind about whatever direction she thinks she is expected to follow - people drop out and become surfing instructors or sheep farmers - being happy is most important - does she have any concerns about her own future???
You might be able to get her to chat.
A friend of my daughter's changed her mind - twice! Failed A-levels - re-sat at college - went to uni - did one year and changed her mind again and has just started a new course at a different uni - - but it will all work out in the end - being young is the time to make mistakes - as long as you learn from them!
Plastic, she is sleepy again today. Feel so helpless, when all she is doing is lying in bed and not engaging
Christmas fairy said:So difficult. Teens and autism
Yep
Mmmmmm you could well be right.. She does prefer communication via WhatsApp rather than verbal so that could be the way forward.... So difficult. Teens and autism
She may be in a real quandary - all her peers go to uni - and all claim it's the best thing ever - but she may be doubting her own abilities - and trying to please everyone in her mind - and failing miserably. That stress may be bogging her down. A deliberate crash takes all the responsibility away - it just happened..... It pushes the decisions off until next year.
Are you able to talk to her via e-mail? It gives her time to think and formulate an answer rather than the pressure to perform in a verbal discussion.
DH has always been dead against Uni and has made his feelings known to all of our DC. I'm more open to the idea, but honesty no pressure from me either. I have told her that I'm happy for her to not to go, suggested alternatives to Uni but no...