Published on 12, July, 2020
No doubt this is a common issue among many of you, but I am needing some advice or guidance.
My 12-year old son is becoming more verbally aggressive and threatening, in particular to my wife (not his biological mother- she hasn't seen him for 3-years)
I have CAHMS involved and he has a support worker, but as you may be aware these organisations are low in resource, so it is a challenge to get things done quickly.
He has an episode this evening and the concerns are centred around his threats 'to stab you all' and 'kill you all with a knife' and also he wanted to kill himself as 'I've had enough and it's the end of my world'
As you can appreciate these are concerning words and whilst it may not be an immediate threat, the warning signs are growing louder. My wife says we need to get someone sufficiently trained within the police to speak to him to highlight the consequences of his behaviours, which may be beneficial, but from a long-term treatment perspective, what advice can you provide, if any?
I have done my own research and spoken to parents locally with Autistic children and it seems this is not a unique situation, but the safety of him and the rest of the family is essential here.
Hi, I have a 15 year old son with ASD, who can be verbally aggressive and sometimes makes threats such as you have described.
He was diagnosed at the age of 5, but was much more passive as a young child, the aggression got worse when he became a teenager. ( I don't know whether the hormonal changes at this time contribute to existing problems, but I suspect they do.)
He has been encouraged to take out his rage on harmless objects over the years, (e.g. punching cushions, tearing newspapers, using "stress balls"), and often uses them of his own accord. This is particularly useful when he is unable to explain what he is upset about, but sometimes when he has calmed down we can talk about it. If you don't mind me asking, have there been any recent changes in his life or routine which may be causing him extra stress?
With my own son, the threats only happen at moments when he is at peak rage, and seem to reflect the intensity of his feelings at the time rather than a genuine desire to do harm. He sometimes seems afraid of his own anger. But if you are ever in a situation in which you are afraid for the safety of yourselves or for him you would have to contact police or the Samaritans directly.
Other than that, I don't know what more I can say, except that I hope things improve for you all and that you find the help you need. Are there any other support groups in your area for people with autism and their families?
It must be a very real concern for you. I thought about building on your wife's idea about getting someone trained from within the police. From this site, it appears that there are now a few committed police officers, some in senior ranks, with personal experience of neurodiversity. This site is the National Police Autism Association. They provide trained co-ordinators. Now it probably varies from force to force. There is a contact page. I would hope that they might be interested in a preventative role, and possibly be able to put you in touch with someone in your local area. I must admit I am a bit unsure whether a police officer is the best person to do the talking, BUT I also think it is important that you follow through on your own instincts.
http://www.npaa.org.uk/
Sorry you're having a tough time with your son.
Do you know what's going on for him at school? He's at the age where he's probably noticing that things are changing all around him socially and the hormones of puberty are throwing a load of unhelpful feelings into the mix too. He may be getting lost & confused with the rapidly changing routine of growing up.
Does he have any close friends? You might be seeing a side-effect of him realising he's different and so he's developing a very strong/aggressive persona to protect himself from bullying or being forced to do things he doesn't want to. The more this works for him, the more you will be on the receiving end of it.
If he's realising he's different or getting frustrated with the school environment, the stress of pretending to perform all day means he's likely to be coming home feeling burned out and angry and that his world is getting out of his control and out of his comfort zone so his behaviour may be him trying (in a very blunt way) to assert control over his environment - his words are probably a lot more aggressive than he probably means them to be - but without any other way of expressing his stress, it's all he's got. He might find the results of his actions satisfying because they get the desired result - control - everyone is becoming scared of him so he becomes powerful - this can lead to an escalation of his behaviours as he tries to find the extent of his power.
Does he have any hobbies or passions? - anything where he's able to function at zero stress? Indulging him in a day of zero stress may be your best opportunity to chat and explain to him that his behaviour is becoming unacceptable - and that if the police become involved, things may not go the way he would like - and that you understand his frustrations and the need to vent his anger - but threatening people will end badly for him if you are forced to protect yourselves. He needs to understand that he has to find a more practical way to express himself.
Your wife is right - you might need someone external to the family to explain the facts of where things could go if he carries on threatening people.
Do you think he would understand someone speaking bluntly to him?
Hello, I’m sorry to hear about your difficult situation.
Challenging behaviour can sometimes be improved by a number of different ways.
1. Diet. You may find that a gluten free or dairy free diet will reduce aggressive tendencies: https://www.amenclinics.com/blog/5-foods-can-make-autism-worse/ Have a look around the internet, there are a number of articles about diet and autism.
2. Omega 3 products, vitamin D and probiotics have also proved useful in some cases. https://trialsjournal.biomedcentral.com/articles/10.1186/s13063-016-1428-8
3 GABA fortified oolong tea. This has been shown to help reduce some autistic symptoms. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/31060476
I would try 3 first as it is quicker.
Try and see if there is anything that could be triggering this behaviour.
NAS does offer a parent to parent service which you can find here. The NAS helpline can be found here.
In the 18 months I’ve been on this forum, this topic has cropped up a number of times. I’d be interested if any of the above are found to be effective, so we can help other parents.
All the best, Graham.