Just wondering if there is anyone out here with an adult son living at home. Really just needing a bit of blether about the highs and lows of it all,
My son has finished doing a course at the local college, andhas been on a 'ready for work' course, but he is extremely reticent to move forward despite support being out thre, maybe not to ghet work but at least to involve him in vounteering etc. He has a skill with cooking and a City and Guilds 1 in cookery. That said he has classic social difficulties for Aspies, mis understandig things and currently anxiety. His reading / writing is v basic although he can get by so long as he is not rushed...He has a great sense of humour, loves politics and movies...I think he's great!!
Anyway, if you are in a similar situation and could offer some chat support, or indeed know of any group specifically for this, then please let me know.
Thanks very much M
Yes my son at home aged 19.5 .....not sure if he's ever going to become independent . Currently trying to get a little job with the help of a Support Worker . Can do up to 16hrs ...
Thank you for your reply. It is good to know i am not alone!
I wonder where your support worker comes from? Council? Independent Organisation? We dont have one currently - there was always support at school, so thats gone now. i have found a befrineder for him, who is now his friend. and we finance this ourselves.
As for work, i do hope that your son finds some work...mine has had 15 hours work experience just last year - but that's it. He enjoyed it - catering work - but there has been no follow up. He is signed on and rcvng ESA - i think the next thing is to contact the Centre direct and get some support.
As with a lot of these things, there is help out there...it is just a case of finding it, and the, the hardest bit for me, engaging my son in this process. He says he want to live in the town ( we live 15m away) so i am using that as a motivaor, Wish me luck! i hope he can become independent, and is some ways i think he could live on his own, but all the other factors would impact like not working/managing money/limited/non exsistant families.
On a positive, we do get on well, and we have a good laugh at things.
Your situation sounds quite similar to mine. My son is a bit younger at 17. He left school last summer with a small number of National 5 and National 4 qualifications (we are in Scotland, so Nat 5 is GCSE O Level). He tried a Music course at College but struggled with the lack of structure and left at Christmas. His confidence it very low and although we have been in touch with a volunteering group for young people, he would hardly speak so they are not able to help.
We haven't been involved with support services outside school although I am now actively trying to link in with the Social Work service to see what support is out there.
On the bright side, he has just started learning to drive and is doing well and really enjoying it.
Yes we do seem to be in a similar boat...out of school and college...trying to engage with the other stuff out there, but difficult to do that due to anxiety and fear of the new.
Im sorry to read that the college didnt work out - its a very frustrating process. There is a lot of noise made about supporting all students but i dont always see that happening. We had one good year and then one really useless year with very little support way too late.
Anyway, we did have success with a short course run through Prince's Trust - to get my son to apply was a massive hurdle and sent us both into orbit...however once engaged he had a fab time and even got some work experience. We are now waiting to hear back from Project Scotland about volunteering. Again the stress of getting the on line form filled was way too much for us both. I dread the next time anything has to be done. There is a sense that as a young adult they must do the talking and phoning up and if you do it then you are still being a pushy mum/dad. This is from agencies who work with young adults with learning difficulties....it is very confusing.
I have also just referred into social work with a plea for one to one support and some sort of housing possibities. I understand that there are agencies in the town that could help get my son out and about more and give him chance to hang out similar aged adults and not his mum! Again though i will have to tell him this appt may happen and he will be upset about it. That it seems is part of living with Aspergers but it doesnt make it any easier. I wonder if you know what you are hoping for from Social Work? One other dept to get referred to is Occupational Therapy- the one based within the Psychological Dept. This would provide some sessions of managing anxiety/ fear and to help getting out and about and managing change and all that. This is my next mission to go the GP and do the referral. I have got Appointee status so can do that without my son knowing....but when the assessment arrives then i will have to explain that. It just seems no way round this meltdown situation. When i think about it, that's been the case for the past 20 years :)
That's the moan out of the way - thanks for listening! - i am so pleased that your son is able to drive and is enjoying it! That is so good on many levels isnt it? Im guessing he was keen to learn and there wasnt the usual carry on. It is all bout motivators isnt it...Being able to drive opens up his options and gives him a skill that he can enjoy - and give you lifts. My son would love to drive, he has sat and failed his theory twice...and had a few un professional driving lessons. He has now put the brakes on so to speak and i can see he is still really keen but worried too.
My son is very good at cooking and baking. i know! it is still a surprise for us. This week he has made pork and chorizo burgers, and a lemon merignue pie from scratch ( i thought they only came in packets! ) He's had a good laugh watching The Last Leg and has gone to stay over night with his dad.
Im all settled in for a relaxing day, box set at the ready. Just getting some space is so helpful. It would be great to hear from you again about how you have got on...as we are both in Scotland i should think there will be similar services available.
Bye for now
Your afternoon sounds better than mine because I spent to watching Scotland get hammered by Wales in the 6 nations :-(
I'm not entirely sure what I am expecting from Social Work. I decided to make contact for a contact for a couple of reasons. Firstly, a charity I have contacted about day services mentioned that the transition and funding is normally supported by a social worker, secondly I am floundering trying to work out what is out there for my son and lastly, looking far into the future hopefully, I won't be around forever and think that he should be "in the system" in case he is unable to live completely independently.
So far I have been passed between various bits of the Department, so I will need to chase things up on Monday.
What is appointee status? So far, apart from the college, I have managed to be involved in all of my son's applications, appointments and correspondence. He always prefers me to arrange things and forwards on any e-mails that he gets (eventually when prompted !)
Hope you are enjoying your evening.
I'm not trying to be patronising. But 20 year old still living at home. What's the problem? He may just need a few more years to get himself more life skills and confidence. He may in fact be better of living at home for a few more years.
My (insane) family experiences are very different.
My older sister left home when she was 20. And the fallout was/is indescribable in words.
She was in full time work and fully independent and as NT as you can get.
She found rented accommodation in a shared house and invited the three of us to show us where she was going to live. Me and my mother went with her, my father ignored her request. She showed us the direct bus route, the house, her bedroom, shared bathroom and kitchen.
Back home she left written down, the full address, phone numbers, bus numbers.
And moved out.
My father went BERSERK.
When she didn't come home from work he had a meltdown, spent hours walking round the house shouting, looking into her bedroom, other rooms, round the garden, from gate to gate, from one door to the other. Trying to find her.
I and my mother tried to reason with him explaining that she had moved out. He ignored us and just carried on shouting and searching for her around the house and garden.
I showed him the full contact information that she'd left and explained that we knew where she was living. And asked what the problem was?
He started shouting at me.
YOU STUPID BLOODY IDIOT.
PEOPLE WILL FIND OUT.
PEOPLE WILL BE POINTING ME OUT IN CHURCH.
PEOPLE WILL BE TALKING ABOUT ME BEHIND MY BACK.
WHAT WILL PEOPLE THINK OF ME. WHEN THEY FIND SHE'S LEFT HOME?
My mother was depressed and sad for a long time, blaming my father for driving her out of the house.
And my sister? She came round twice a week to make sure we were alright.
I'm writing this to show how different families are with their attitudes to independence of their adult children.
I think the OP is referring to his son not showing any interest or drive to seek employment or generally get out into the ‘wide world’, as opposed to the issue being he still lives at home.
Hi, my son is 22 years old on his next birthday and has high functioning Asperger's, and I too am at a loss on how to get him into full-time employment fully supported. We kept him in college for 4 years but he grew tired of it and was determined to get a job. However, given his lack of independence still requires structured environments. We recently managed to get him on a 12 week work placement, but they decided not to take him on down to the catalogue of disasters he managed to create throughout the duration due to being unstructured. The employer was understaffed and it was an extremely busy environment, so we now know his requirements better. An apprenticeship or any supported employment program options recommendations greatly appreciated!
I think it is perfectly normal for children to be with the parents for as long as they want.
I do not see anything wrong with that at all.
I would be happy to share a roof with older people.
Totally agree. I think the point was the lack of support available to help them move into full time employment