No enjoyment from socialising

My knowledge of palaeontology is limited, but those images are the best example of footprints I have ever seen. In my head I could just ‘see’ the earth moving back into place as it was all those years ago. You might know all the names of the different dinosaurs but I don’t. I have a young relative who is very happy to recite a list of dinosaur species and to describe their attributes. 

TheCatWoman said:

I don't drink either, socialising was much easier when I did

I used to go out more when I was young and I would drink more too because it helped. Having said that, everyone I knew drank more back then compared to most young people today, so I wasn’t exactly standing out as a heavy drinker when I went onto my second or third drink, unlike today. 

I still drink, but only occasionally.  I’m going to treat myself to some champagne for Christmas Day, the only time I buy it. On other infrequent special occasions I would have a glass of Cava or a crisp and dry Italian Spumante.

That’s the good thing about dogs—the conversation always turns to how they are or what they do. 

~small aside from main topic ~

Oh wow that dinosaur link is amazing! (They were a huge interest for me as a kid and a joy when my daughter was into them). And that article is only a few hours old, very up to date on your knowledge! Brilliant!

Marianne72 said:

I'd much rather spend my time studying new [for me] subjects like meteorology and paleontology

Did you see hear or see the news today about the discovery of dinosaur footprints in Italy? The images of the footprints were captivating and so obviously dinosaur. Seeing the imprints on a near vertical surface vividly illustrated how the land would have been 2 million years ago as the surface would have been flat. I watched the video clip over and over again.

Thousands of dinosaur footprints found on Italian mountain https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/c30j94p56d6o

https://jen.jiji.com/jc/eng_agt?g=adnkronos&k=20251217KRONOS-202512112698652278_eng

Re. Socialising, I think it’s partly an age thing for me, yet I was never overly keen to socialise in larger groups. I used to go out more and put up with a lot of things I didn’t enjoy because it was expected. 

I like socializing, for about 10 minutes, then I need a break for a few hours. I used to feel guilty as I felt I was rude or not a good person but really, that’s just my limit and I don’t feel guilty about it anymore.

It really affected me in church cos I just hated going to church and it made me feel so bad cos I love the concept of church. Now I’ve found a church with just about 15/20 people who I have no ties to and I leave immediately after service. I also take multiple breaks during church service without feeling guilty….

But I really do envy those who can hold conversations for minutes and hours. I want to be like them but I also don’t want to be like them. I also don’t hesitate to whip out my ear plugs in church, I would have never tried that before but now, my sanity is precious to me so I do what I have to do.

Perhaps it's also an age thing. I used to like socializing when I was younger, going to the theatre, lectures and classical concerts. Now, I prefer to casually chat to strangers like checkout operators and library assistants. Over the past few weeks I'd decided not to make new 'friends', my few besties having died [old age] or join any new clubs (apart from quirky online ones like The Cloud Appreciation Society.

I find the whole thing around 'getting to know someone' really stressful. I'd much rather spend my time studying new [for me] subjects like meteorology and paleontology, reading BBC news - and shouting out the answers on 'Mastermind'! Also reading and watching TV repeats like Z cars and Morse. I don't feel the need to 'fit in' any longer which is a huge boon.

What you have written sounds like a description of me, only I live in a suburb of a very big city.

I get no pleasure from socialising at all really other than very close friends and family, I can make acquaintances and short friendly conversations over coffee (my eyes will tell you when i've had enough). But there's this thing - that I really don't want to make too many friends in case I meet them again on the street one day at an awkward time or too often. It would be doing a disservice to that person to pretend (using forced or stereotyped behaviours) and I don't feel taking active steps to prevent this is in any way selfish. Mostly because socialising is so draining. 

I have been called socially inept by one parent as a teenager with the other near forcing me to go out and socialise (which caused me enourmous distress and had the opposite effect). 

That said my first feeling after diagnosis was that wanted to meet as many asd people my age as I could to understand how we were different or similar in our experiences. I could definately give a lot more time to nd people now, knowing what we have suffered and lived through at the hands of our oppressors.

I get that too, I tend to sit there not saying anything, then someone notices and asks if I'm alright and all I can say is yes thank you, but it dosen't feel very natural.

I quite enjoy my odd conversations with fellow dog walkers, at least then the topic of conversation is about our dogs rather than us which I find much more comfortable.

I don't eat out anymore for various reasons, one I can't sit on a dining chair for very long before my back goes into spasm, two because the places are so loud and echo-y and three because I can rarely find anywhere that serves anything I can eat. I don't drink either, socialising was much easier when I did, but I think the alcohol was masking how uncomfortable I was and the more uncomfortable I felt the more I drank.

I enjoy socialising for short periods of time if the focus is a meal, event or activity. I don’t understand how other people are able to interject in a conversation involving more than three people. When I have tried to do that I’m either ignored or told not to interrupt. I can’t actually detect an appropriate gap in which to say something in large groups—it’s a mystery.

I have a few friends but I usually meet only one friend at a time. I enjoy sharing the experience of walking our dogs, and sometimes finishing with a coffee or something to eat. At the same time, I enjoy being on my own and having lots of time to do my own thing.

Socialising makes me feel really anxious. I go out of my way to avoid socialising because I know it’ll leave me feeling stressed and tired.

I like it more if I can plan it which is rare. But if I know who I’ll be talking to and what time I’ll be talking to them I can work out a script in my mind. This doesn’t happen often but when it does I can socialise almost well. But when it isn’t planned I’m a mess and most of the conversation will be yes and no on my part.

whomper said:

During my autism assessment I mentioned that I get no pleasure from socialising,

The same for me as well. I socialise when I have to and it’s always other people who initiate a conversation, like the girls I work with, they always start talking. If I could I’d say nothing all day. I’m not anti-social but being social is just hard work and exhausting for me.

Penny

Yup..sad but true for me too.

It's just a means to an end for me.

Life is too lonely without connections.

(⁠ ⁠◜⁠‿⁠◝⁠ ⁠)⁠♡

Good morning Whomper,

I find socializing enjoyable in short bursts, kind of like how you enjoy saying hello passing neighbors on your walks. At work I’ve got an office that is really out of the way, so I actually spend a lot of time at the front desk where I can get a little socialization and if I get overwhelmed I can escape to my office.

I get what you’re saying about drinking for socialization. When I’m at family events I purposely get a little buzzed on whiskey so I can open up without shutting down and hiding in a corner. Thankfully my wife is aware of alcoholism in my extended family, so we normally don’t keep booze in our house.

So all in all I get what you’re saying, even if i seem to enjoy socialization in spurts a little more.