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No enjoyment from socialising

whomper

I was wondering how other people felt about socialising.

It took me a long time to accept that I get absolutely no enjoyment from socialising. When I was younger, and desperately trying to fit in, I did it much more. My means of being able to engage with other people was to drink - I'm a Gen Xer, and we drank quite heavily, so no one really noticed. Luckily, I never got addicted, and when I began drinking less I found it near impossible to socialise. Not because I'm completely incapable of talking to other people (although it can be very tiring), but just because at best it's just a bit of a distraction and I'd rather be elsewhere.

It's probably the reason why I don't have any friends other than my wife, but really value the passing conversations with other people in my village when out walking the dog. 

During my autism assessment I mentioned that I get no pleasure from socialising, and I was told that it's something they hear quite often. I can turn up out of duty for family events and things when required, but otherwise, I'm very content with my books, music, podcasts, and walks with my wife. Compulsory events are very draining and throw me out of kilter for weeks before and for a few days after.

How do other people feel about socialising?

Parents

  • Perhaps it's also an age thing. I used to like socializing when I was younger, going to the theatre, lectures and classical concerts. Now, I prefer to casually chat to strangers like checkout operators and library assistants. Over the past few weeks I'd decided not to make new 'friends', my few besties having died [old age] or join any new clubs (apart from quirky online ones like The Cloud Appreciation Society.

    I find the whole thing around 'getting to know someone' really stressful. I'd much rather spend my time studying new [for me] subjects like meteorology and paleontology, reading BBC news - and shouting out the answers on 'Mastermind'! Also reading and watching TV repeats like Z cars and Morse. I don't feel the need to 'fit in' any longer which is a huge boon.

  • in reply to Marianne72
    Marianne72 said:
    I'd much rather spend my time studying new [for me] subjects like meteorology and paleontology

    Did you see hear or see the news today about the discovery of dinosaur footprints in Italy? The images of the footprints were captivating and so obviously dinosaur. Seeing the imprints on a near vertical surface vividly illustrated how the land would have been 2 million years ago as the surface would have been flat. I watched the video clip over and over again.

    Thousands of dinosaur footprints found on Italian mountain https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/c30j94p56d6o

    https://jen.jiji.com/jc/eng_agt?g=adnkronos&k=20251217KRONOS-202512112698652278_eng

    Re. Socialising, I think it’s partly an age thing for me, yet I was never overly keen to socialise in larger groups. I used to go out more and put up with a lot of things I didn’t enjoy because it was expected. 

  • in reply to ArchaeC
    ArchaeC said:
    I watched the video clip over and over again

    Me too, it was awesome! Like you, I was considering the powerful forces that could turn land by 90 degrees. Still find it hard to get my head around that. What I like about these new programmes are the computer animations, which make history come to life. Same thing on archaeology programmes. Also the wonderful Adrie and Alfons Kennis who re-create how Neanderthals looked, using fossil skulls.

  • in reply to Marianne72

    The Kennis twins are brilliant. it must take great knowledge of anatomy to do that, as well as palaeontological context and artistic skill.

    I saw a news item recently about the discovery of the oldest known black person in Britain who had been reconstructed in either 3D or 2D,  I can’t remember the details. But it turns out she was probably white and her DNA was not of African origin.

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  • in reply to Marianne72

    The Kennis twins are brilliant. it must take great knowledge of anatomy to do that, as well as palaeontological context and artistic skill.

    I saw a news item recently about the discovery of the oldest known black person in Britain who had been reconstructed in either 3D or 2D,  I can’t remember the details. But it turns out she was probably white and her DNA was not of African origin.

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