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No enjoyment from socialising

whomper

I was wondering how other people felt about socialising.

It took me a long time to accept that I get absolutely no enjoyment from socialising. When I was younger, and desperately trying to fit in, I did it much more. My means of being able to engage with other people was to drink - I'm a Gen Xer, and we drank quite heavily, so no one really noticed. Luckily, I never got addicted, and when I began drinking less I found it near impossible to socialise. Not because I'm completely incapable of talking to other people (although it can be very tiring), but just because at best it's just a bit of a distraction and I'd rather be elsewhere.

It's probably the reason why I don't have any friends other than my wife, but really value the passing conversations with other people in my village when out walking the dog. 

During my autism assessment I mentioned that I get no pleasure from socialising, and I was told that it's something they hear quite often. I can turn up out of duty for family events and things when required, but otherwise, I'm very content with my books, music, podcasts, and walks with my wife. Compulsory events are very draining and throw me out of kilter for weeks before and for a few days after.

How do other people feel about socialising?

Parents

  • Like you, I am also Gen X. Up until my forties, I really enjoyed socialising providing I was never with more than one friend at a time. I would regularly visit close friends and stay for several hours, or else they would visit me. Sometimes this would happen more than once a week. I felt like I could be myself with my friends, and found that I often felt energised after spending time in their company.

    During my forties, my health went downhill. I no longer had the energy to get out and about like I had previously, which in turn affected my friendships. My social life now consists of exchanging online correspondence with a couple of close friends who live too far away for me to see. Whilst I appreciate having them in my life and have known them both for about forty years, it's not the same as spending quality time in the company of a close friend.

    I question if men in general have less of a need for close friends, or less of a need to spend time with close friends on a frequent basis.

Reply

  • Like you, I am also Gen X. Up until my forties, I really enjoyed socialising providing I was never with more than one friend at a time. I would regularly visit close friends and stay for several hours, or else they would visit me. Sometimes this would happen more than once a week. I felt like I could be myself with my friends, and found that I often felt energised after spending time in their company.

    During my forties, my health went downhill. I no longer had the energy to get out and about like I had previously, which in turn affected my friendships. My social life now consists of exchanging online correspondence with a couple of close friends who live too far away for me to see. Whilst I appreciate having them in my life and have known them both for about forty years, it's not the same as spending quality time in the company of a close friend.

    I question if men in general have less of a need for close friends, or less of a need to spend time with close friends on a frequent basis.

Children
  • in reply to Sporadic Sparkly

    I am totally the same as you, I prefer quiet company with a singular friend - I do go out with a small group for coffee , maybe 4 people maximum but these people are also neurologically diverse and fairly reserved themselves which helps and we don’t do it that often. Since I got bullied and forced into a Burnout I’ve massively reduced my friend circle and pretty much only see family now. I don’t know if I will get back to a point where I want many friends or how I will find any new ones as I have quite bad social anxiety and still feel too mentally exhausted from mixing with people. I was wondering if it was to do with the mind blindness thing that comes with autism because we all spend a lot of time trying to figure out how things are being said, secret phrases we don’t know how they are inferred etc or always understanding how different people feel about different things without being specifically told.