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No enjoyment from socialising

whomper

I was wondering how other people felt about socialising.

It took me a long time to accept that I get absolutely no enjoyment from socialising. When I was younger, and desperately trying to fit in, I did it much more. My means of being able to engage with other people was to drink - I'm a Gen Xer, and we drank quite heavily, so no one really noticed. Luckily, I never got addicted, and when I began drinking less I found it near impossible to socialise. Not because I'm completely incapable of talking to other people (although it can be very tiring), but just because at best it's just a bit of a distraction and I'd rather be elsewhere.

It's probably the reason why I don't have any friends other than my wife, but really value the passing conversations with other people in my village when out walking the dog. 

During my autism assessment I mentioned that I get no pleasure from socialising, and I was told that it's something they hear quite often. I can turn up out of duty for family events and things when required, but otherwise, I'm very content with my books, music, podcasts, and walks with my wife. Compulsory events are very draining and throw me out of kilter for weeks before and for a few days after.

How do other people feel about socialising?

Parents

  • I enjoy socialising for short periods of time if the focus is a meal, event or activity. I don’t understand how other people are able to interject in a conversation involving more than three people. When I have tried to do that I’m either ignored or told not to interrupt. I can’t actually detect an appropriate gap in which to say something in large groups—it’s a mystery.

    I have a few friends but I usually meet only one friend at a time. I enjoy sharing the experience of walking our dogs, and sometimes finishing with a coffee or something to eat. At the same time, I enjoy being on my own and having lots of time to do my own thing.

Reply

  • I enjoy socialising for short periods of time if the focus is a meal, event or activity. I don’t understand how other people are able to interject in a conversation involving more than three people. When I have tried to do that I’m either ignored or told not to interrupt. I can’t actually detect an appropriate gap in which to say something in large groups—it’s a mystery.

    I have a few friends but I usually meet only one friend at a time. I enjoy sharing the experience of walking our dogs, and sometimes finishing with a coffee or something to eat. At the same time, I enjoy being on my own and having lots of time to do my own thing.

Children
  • in reply to ArchaeC

    I get that too, I tend to sit there not saying anything, then someone notices and asks if I'm alright and all I can say is yes thank you, but it dosen't feel very natural.

    I quite enjoy my odd conversations with fellow dog walkers, at least then the topic of conversation is about our dogs rather than us which I find much more comfortable.

    I don't eat out anymore for various reasons, one I can't sit on a dining chair for very long before my back goes into spasm, two because the places are so loud and echo-y and three because I can rarely find anywhere that serves anything I can eat. I don't drink either, socialising was much easier when I did, but I think the alcohol was masking how uncomfortable I was and the more uncomfortable I felt the more I drank.