When everything gets too much

You hit the nail on the head there Desmond. That is something I think about a lot, how the situation I’m in will shape my children’s relationships in the future. By sticking around I may well be saying it’s acceptable to be treated in a negative manner. 

Sometimes when the burdens get too heavy it is like Buckaroo - one extra item and the whole lot gets thrown off in a meltdown.

Times will get better and the burdens will get fewer / easier to carry.

Best wishes x

The university process was an abyss for me as well. Too many changes, too many people, too little consistency.

Oh, and my parents divorced during my first year. Left one term from my childhood home, came back to an unfamiliar flat.

You have a trade. I wish I had; the road to Uni was my road to the abyss.

Relationships fail because we're under too much pressure. We seem to set ourselves impossible targets, and it's affecting the kids. Young Men are reluctant to enter a relationship; having witnessed the failures of marriages in their mum and dad's generation.

Hi Tim

I am really happy for you that you have potentially found a great friend. That is so sad about her daughter and I’m really sorry for her loss. My relationship has never been easy and I’ve always had to push myself beyond my limits sometimes to function in what’s regarded by most Nt’s as normal couples behaviour. 
So pleased to hear your story which sounds really positive and it sounds like it’s just what you needed. Hearing things like this is what cheers me up and makes me feel better.

thanks again and take care 

Maybe your son is picking up on the uncomfortable atmosphere at home and thats why he's finding it hard to settle at night, try reassuring him that all will be well, no matter what happens and that he is and will continue to be loved.

You have achieved a grate thing for any autistic person, you are in a relationship and have had children, I am 64 and have all my life felt 'On the wrong planet' and I literally got my diagnosis last week, I have never been in a full relationship and never will be, I find intimacy very uncomfortable and am still a vergin (hope that is not TMI!!), I have a new lady friend who came onto me from out of the blue at a church coffee morning who asked me if she could have a hug and before I could respond she embraced me!!, I was a bit taken aback but we have become good friends, she is into spiritualism, light music and was an art teacher for 27 years, her daughter took her own life at 19 leaving her childless so that is very sad, she is a lovely lady, I am not seeking a relationship, and have sent her a copy of my autism report, we shall see., it is often better to be 'just good friends'

Thank you for your kind words. 

much appreciated 

Hello,

I'm sorry you're struggling and I wish I could help you through this. I'm not married but I was a dad, had a lovely little girl. I understand how stressful it can be trying to balance your own life whilst trying to look after your child. It's such a challenge but though you might not see it I think you're doing brilliant mate! You're going through an incredibly challenging time and it’s completely understandable to feel overwhelmed during all this but you are there for your son and have taken on so much responsibility at home, especially given your own challenges.

Ultimate respect to you!

You don’t have to face all of this alone, sharing your feelings can often lighten the burden. We are all here for you when you need a friend to talk to. I hope things improve for you soon. Got to get through the rain to reach the rainbow. You'll get there! Take things one step at a time. It’s ok to have bad days, meltdowns and feel down; what matters is that you are trying your best.

Take care keeping you in my thoughts.

Thank you JD

I am afraid my partner wouldn’t be interested in doing much in terms of research and trying to understand. This is a surprise to her as much as it is me and I understand that she wants to live a life without having to make adjustments for someone else. I’m fine with the separation part so long as we can still be friends and parent our children in an amicable way. That would be best case for me tbh.

I have meltdowns quite a lot but that one was very intense, I was so lucky there was no one else around as I don’t think I would have been able to contain it. 

Really appreciate all your responses, I wasn’t looking for attention I was just feeling terrible and needed someone to hear it. 

Thank you

Agree with my own space it will be a safer space for me. I just worry about everything atm and have had quite a few weeks with my son not settling well for bed which has got to me really. Just need to get myself together that’s all.

Really appreciate your reply and thanks again

Sounds really tough for you right now, maybe if you and your wife do seperate then things will become easier, obviously there will be different pressures and problems, but I don't think the physical and emotional toll of living with someone you appears to not like you can be underestimated. You may well end up doing much the same as you do now, but home will hopefully be a safer place.

Hi Take5,

Obviously no easy answers as these are complex things, but thank you for sharing it and to echo Debbie, I’m also thinking of you. Might be worth directing your wife to some of the NAS resources on living with an autistic partner - I’m sure she doesn’t hate you, but is equally struggling and you’re both going through a lot while trying to support your children. None of us are superheroes and we can’t do it all, though we want to. I can empathise with your meltdown from yesterday, change when we’re focused is tough but on top of everything else it’s no wonder your mind and body reacted that way. Is there any way you can take some time off work, even if just a small amount? Some time to try to reset might help if you can manage it. That is one of the few things that has worked for me when times have been really tough and I’ve felt completely alone.

Thank you

Thinking of you