When everything gets too much

Not really sure what I’m asking for here but just wanted to say that I’m struggling with pretty much everything right now. Making it to 49 without knowledge of the possibility of being neurodivergent accept for thinking I was different and that everyone must have struggled like I did.

I have been up and down constantly all my life from as young as I can remember, tried to avoid many situations and preferred to be alone as it was the only place I felt safe. Part of me wishes I had never found out as I feel so much worse sometimes than I did before I knew. 

I have a job as a self employed tradesman which keeps me on my own and that’s ideal for me. 

My wife seems to hate me and I don’t know why, I very often suffer verbally most days. I’m told I’m too sensitive, too defensive, emotionless and expressionless. We will be parting ways in the near future which has been a long time coming really. 

My main focus has been on our children as my partner works long hours in a pressured environment so much of the school runs, kids clubs and keeping on top of things at home have naturally fell to me. My youngest son is autistic and he just got through the assessment process, it’s been a very tough year or so for that little fellow and I have tried my best to be a support to him in every way. I have battled with the school, taken him to weekly therapy sessions in another county for over a year and recorded every day ever since we suspected he was autistic. 

I had a complete meltdown yesterday and luckily the property is empty, I shut myself in a room and sobbed. This was because I was asked to do another job while I was focused on my current one.

I am terrified of what the future might look like for me atm.

I have too many things going round in my head, it’s like a huge to do list that never gets any shorter. 

Thank you for reading 

Parents
  • Sounds really tough for you right now, maybe if you and your wife do seperate then things will become easier, obviously there will be different pressures and problems, but I don't think the physical and emotional toll of living with someone you appears to not like you can be underestimated. You may well end up doing much the same as you do now, but home will hopefully be a safer place.

  • Thank you

    Agree with my own space it will be a safer space for me. I just worry about everything atm and have had quite a few weeks with my son not settling well for bed which has got to me really. Just need to get myself together that’s all.

    Really appreciate your reply and thanks again

Reply
  • Thank you

    Agree with my own space it will be a safer space for me. I just worry about everything atm and have had quite a few weeks with my son not settling well for bed which has got to me really. Just need to get myself together that’s all.

    Really appreciate your reply and thanks again

Children
  • Maybe your son is picking up on the uncomfortable atmosphere at home and thats why he's finding it hard to settle at night, try reassuring him that all will be well, no matter what happens and that he is and will continue to be loved.