Not really sure what I’m asking for here but just wanted to say that I’m struggling with pretty much everything right now. Making it to 49 without knowledge of the possibility of being neurodivergent accept for thinking I was different and that everyone must have struggled like I did.
I have been up and down constantly all my life from as young as I can remember, tried to avoid many situations and preferred to be alone as it was the only place I felt safe. Part of me wishes I had never found out as I feel so much worse sometimes than I did before I knew.
I have a job as a self employed tradesman which keeps me on my own and that’s ideal for me.
My wife seems to hate me and I don’t know why, I very often suffer verbally most days. I’m told I’m too sensitive, too defensive, emotionless and expressionless. We will be parting ways in the near future which has been a long time coming really.
My main focus has been on our children as my partner works long hours in a pressured environment so much of the school runs, kids clubs and keeping on top of things at home have naturally fell to me. My youngest son is autistic and he just got through the assessment process, it’s been a very tough year or so for that little fellow and I have tried my best to be a support to him in every way. I have battled with the school, taken him to weekly therapy sessions in another county for over a year and recorded every day ever since we suspected he was autistic.
I had a complete meltdown yesterday and luckily the property is empty, I shut myself in a room and sobbed. This was because I was asked to do another job while I was focused on my current one.
I am terrified of what the future might look like for me atm.
I have too many things going round in my head, it’s like a huge to do list that never gets any shorter.
Thank you for reading
