D'You Know What I Mean?

I think I may be an atypical autistic person. I people please, but apart from that don't mask in the way many other autistic people describe it. I've always struggled when it comes to F2F interaction, and making friends. I'd be tempted to say I unintentionally give off 'bad vibes' . I do  comparatively better online in that I have over 350 FB friends and over  870 X/Twitter followers. I would say with both friends and followers it's more an intellectual 'seeing eye to eye with those people' connection  than a particularly social one.

Although I do very well at l tests of verbal ability, I was assessed as being at classical autism level when it comes to social communication.

If I had a £ for every time a comment or facial expression had been misinterpreted; I'd be quite a wealthy person.  My severe social anxiety and chronic difficulty initiating conversation,IRL can all too often be wrongly taken for aloofness and disdain.   In reality I'm metaphorically crapping myself with worry, worry that I'll  be socially rejected and mocked as I was during  my 10 years at boarding school. Several less than successful attempts at being more social have solidified that fear even more.

Adding to my comments below. I really overshare..that's what makes me feel anxious about being myself. Its odd I'm really private but parallel to this can really overshare. Oh dear, makes me want to just hide away and keep safe on my own before I've even started trying to be myself and unmask.

I watched your video,  really good,  thank you.

Yes, recently I am doing this, being myself for the first time to others outside of my close family. I'm really nervous about it to be honest, I don't do well with rejection, who does. But as you say what's the point in masking its better to have few but real friends. 

So here goes.

But at least the people who did like you, would like you and not the facsimile of you, I think it's better to have fewer real friends than lots of hangers on, they sap ones energy.

I really relate to your post. I have spent most of my adult life heavily masking, being the person I believed I was expected to be in each social situation rather than the person I actually am to the point where I lost track of who I actually was.

I still mask a bit but much less than I used to. My view now is that that people who genuinely care about me will like the real me and anyone who doesn't isn't worth having in my life in the first place. Having said that I still struggle with trying not to mask and live up to social expectations every day. It's a very up and down thing for me

I enjoyed the Oasis reference in your title. To quote another Oasis lyric that resonates with us "I need to be myself, can't be no one else!" 

That's a really interesting idea. I will think about that 

I found the same, cat woman

That's a really interesting comment - thank you. Maybe people have instantly perceived that I'm masking, so they see me as inauthentic...and yet, if I was my authentic autistic self (theme of my next video), I would be even less likeable to most people! I can't win!

I know what the words mean to *me* but, as you say, trying to discern the motives of others is very difficult. 

Thank you very much for commenting and taking the time to watch the video. 

YouTube.

Where is the usual place for video posts, please?

Great video. Absoltuely concur. I'd throw a song lyric in for good measure but will have to switch tasks and think about the music. LOL

I feel the opposite, a human being surrounded by aliens, now I don't expect them to make sense and for the most part I've stopped trying, oddly enough I get on better through not trying than when I tried so hard to fit in. Maybe people sense inauthenticity however well meant it is and thats what puts them off, not you as it were, but you pretending to be you, if ya know what I mean?

I too have no sense of what my words/ actions mean most of the time. I feel as if I'm an alien trying to decern the motives of others around me