Published on 12, July, 2020
It's a crazy situation, but all I need is clarity and peace, and yet I’ve been constantly misunderstood throughout my life. I thought that always choosing my words carefully would mean mutual harmony. Nope. I’m autistic, and it often feels like I’m speaking and writing in a different language to the one neurotypical people are using.
I've posted a video about communication/miscommunication in the usual place. Let me know your thoughts if you have a spare few minutes.
I think I may be an atypical autistic person. I people please, but apart from that don't mask in the way many other autistic people describe it. I've always struggled when it comes to F2F interaction, and making friends. I'd be tempted to say I unintentionally give off 'bad vibes' . I do comparatively better online in that I have over 350 FB friends and over 870 X/Twitter followers. I would say with both friends and followers it's more an intellectual 'seeing eye to eye with those people' connection than a particularly social one.
Although I do very well at l tests of verbal ability, I was assessed as being at classical autism level when it comes to social communication.
If I had a £ for every time a comment or facial expression had been misinterpreted; I'd be quite a wealthy person. My severe social anxiety and chronic difficulty initiating conversation,IRL can all too often be wrongly taken for aloofness and disdain. In reality I'm metaphorically crapping myself with worry, worry that I'll be socially rejected and mocked as I was during my 10 years at boarding school. Several less than successful attempts at being more social have solidified that fear even more.