What happens when an ASD man tries dating a NT woman

Caelus said:

also i think some may have liked me when i look back and the signs at the time went over my head and i likely seemed like i ignored or blanked them.

Or in my case, people could have liked me in that way and because I was excited by someone giving me attention, I came on too strong and pushed them away.

That's what I usually do in the end yes. 

Iain said:

Knowing doesn't make it better simply though the knowledge - how to apply changes with this knowledge is what makes the difference.

That is what I meant really, this is an unnecessary distinguishing. 

Iain said:

absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.

This is absolutely correct but this is not something I'm unaware of. If I were in an argument with someone believing in horoscopes for example, them saying that:' Well there might be no proof for it but it doesn't mean it's not true since the evidence might be impossible to find or atleast are not found yet', this is a dead end conversation, whatever I say is meaningles now. This is faith/belief, unrelated to evidence. I might then say: 'Well if you like this belief and believing in horoscopes then go for it, but this is still unscientific and the absence of evidence not meaning is absence is true, but also, in science, something isn't true until there's evidence.'

Cosmo said:

take us autistics. Imagine when we didn't know autism, judging ourselves and others, beating ourselves up, ugh why can't I just stop getting tired so fast?...but once we knew, everything is so much better for everyone

I found that knowing I was autistic only explained the mechanisms at work - I spent more than 50 years without this knowledge and had to dig really deep to find ways to cope and create energy when I was exhausted as failure wasn't an option - I had dependents to be responsible for.

Knowing doesn't make it better simply though the knowledge - how to apply changes with this knowledge is what makes the difference.

Cosmo said:

I try to avoid most of the time since I've seen that they've never really gotten anywhere before. These are mostly things like horoscopes, ghosts, the different things they believe in that are mostly named 'energy' or are in their belief, related to quantum theory or dimensions...things like that.

I'm assuming you are not very old here - one thing that a longer life brings with it is the experience that al the "facts" and "scientific knowledge" that makes the bedrock of our world when we are younger is subject to constant change - whether through refinement or new discoveries.

Arthur C Clarke proposed 3 laws to deal with this situation:

1 - When a distinguished but elderly scientist states that something is possible, he is almost certainly right. When he states that something is impossible, he is very probably wrong.
2 - The only way of discovering the limits of the possible is to venture a little way past them into the impossible.
3 - Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.

(source: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Clarke%27s_three_laws )

The 3rd law is relevant here - don't dismiss it because you don't believe it and remember that absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.

Keep that scientific curiosity open and it makes the world a much more interesting place.

HA HA!! The number of times that I can now see how I did that in my youth, Caelus.

i dont date because women generally wait for men to act and make the move... but that doesnt work if the man is autistic.

also i think some may have liked me when i look back and the signs at the time went over my head and i likely seemed like i ignored or blanked them.

If you date a neurotypical scientist these problems hardly ever arise.

That's not your job. Smile, and do not waste your time arguing with them. It will only make them angry. Be a "good listener", normies appreciate that.

bagosperg. I love it, that’s so funny. I thought you might have gone for some sort of mechanical name though to be honest. 

And yes, sometimes I argue with them about the less hurtful stuff too, but only if they engage in a conversation about it with me which I try to avoid most of the time since I've seen that they've never really gotten anywhere before. These are mostly things like horoscopes, ghosts, the different things they believe in that are mostly named 'energy' or are in their belief, related to quantum theory or dimensions...things like that. I know it's right to let these things be, and I do but I've been hurt by religion and misinformations, specially because of rigid thinking, cause I used to apply the religion rules strictly and if you were to do that, you are in risk of god's wrath or hell ninety percent of the time, that means I lived in constant fear as a child and believed bad things were all my fault because I did some sins. Similar thing with misinformation, I thought I had AIDS for several years of my teenager years and thought I was gonna die young because of misinformations taught to me. So things like this make it a bit hard to let it go, and I still haven't even mentioned how science has made my life so much happier and more beautiful, and I know it would do the same for their lives too, they just don't know. Quantum theory doesn't need misinformation to be interesting, it is so bizarre but still real, also as another example, take us autistics. Imagine when we didn't know autism, judging ourselves and others, beating ourselves up, ugh why can't I just stop getting tired so fast?...but once we knew, everything is so much better for everyone. 

Because their beliefs are hurtful? Like they believe that science has actually proved that homosexuality is bad in some ways, or that some mothers after birth have tendencies of killing their child because of postpartum depression (and they told me about this with so much confidence too), I don't think this really makes me a know it all lol.

It's ok if they like to look at the world in an unscientific way for themselves (even though I'd prefer if they didn't) but they end up affecting others too sometimes and they don't even try to think twice about their beliefs because nothing can change them if they don't care about scientific fundamentals.

I don't wanna be mean or disrespectful but lain, sometimes you've given me good advice, but you've sometimes also assumed too much and went full lecture/'I know so much more let me teach you my knowledge' mode lol. 

Cosmo said:

I honestly can't convince others if the fundamental basics are meaningless to them. 

Why do you need to convince them of anything?

It is much better to find common ground than to try to correct or educate them if you want to have a conversation that feels natural. Doing what you are doing makes you seem like a know-it-all or trying to force your beliefs (science here) onto them.

It helps to accept that the vast majority of people don't live by the same pillars of knowledge as yourself and it really does not help to try to convert them.

Learn to enjoy the difference, accept that they may have a bit of an odd relationship with reality by your standards but that it makes them happy.

A book that may help in having such conversations is:

How to Talk to Anyone About Anything - Improve Your Social Skills, Master Small Talk, Connect Effortlessly, and Make Real Friends - W. Williams, James (2021)
ISBN‎ 195303635X

I don’t know where this assumption (that I look like homeless or that I would date someone who does not take care of themselves) comes from. 
another thing is not every homeless person looks like homeless. There are homeless people who manage to take care of themselves. 
if I’m not fancy, just natural it doesn’t mean I look bad.

Not in dating but this happens all the time : ( I try to have these logical conversations with reason and science behind them and their response is something like: 'But science doesn't know everything' or 'There are things that have no proof' or 'It might be proven in the future'... Makes me speechless. I honestly can't convince others if the fundamental basics are meaningless to them. 

I did internet dating once in 2002, and thought it was a great idea, but the internet wasn't quite so treacherous then. 

Any site that demanded enough I.D. to screen out the non-genuine participants would screen me out too, by being too difficult and demanding to join..

Should an Autistic dating site have clear instructions on "how to date" or "how to treat people, nicey"? 

Many of us are a little damaged, or deranged, or simply ignorant, (I can manage all three on a bad day) so should the Autistic dating experince be more "managed" than the regular dating experience?  

We do need something. Well, you lot do, I seem to be "sorted" that way at last... 

Certainly, I liked the fact that instead of being confronted by random strangers with mostly NT agendas the VERY FACT that they were on a dating site, meant at least that understanding seemd to be implicit. I also liked the fact that I could sort through the profiles and get an idea what the person was all about, before reaching out.

Setiing up such a thing unfortunately incurs costs, and the more you seek to control issues like data security, personal safety etc. The more funding is required, and a lot of THIS target group, I hazard, are not very well off. 

Difficult. But not impossible.

You need a domain name, (which I have provided, fro consideration! :c) tthen an IP redirect service, using dynamic DNS to point to your server.

You want the hardware doohickey that sends regular packets and makes sure that the dynamic DNS is pointing to your server at all times. (People only click once). So now you have your sever connected to the internet with a decent upload speed, you need both a decent firewall and an administraor for it, and then the actual dating database software and front end portal, both of which require periodic or regular administration. so that's three jobs created already, and we haven't even got to the "personal safety officer". 

To pay for all this, people charge a membership fee, but our dilemma is that we have a relatively small cohort to begin with, so we want them ALL to register, so the barriers to entry, (already huge, 'cos, Autism!) like membership fees need to be as close to zero as can be managed Paid "Affiliation" with internet search enegines etc. will only bring unhelpful swarms of NT attention, so advert revenue will be practically non existent. 

Maybe "impossible" is closer to reality, on this one... 

I lean towards autistic people because I feel like the emotional support & understanding would be greater (as I wouldn't have to basically walk through autism with them).

I've admittedly taken a bit of a black and white view on it at times, because there's no reason why there wouldn't be clashes in communication there too. 

I actually remember one colleague from college who might have been interested… as I recall I would say he was most probably autistic. I helped him with questions he had, but I felt there was something more. But unfortunately I was so blind, I realized that only after graduation. He has never asked me for a date but somehow tried to be always close, I even cought him few times staring at me and thought for myself that if he approached me to talk I would love to. But I was too shy or maybe worried of being rejected. He was maybe too. Later I regretted the lost possibility of connection doesn’t matter if it would be friendship or something more… he was handsome. Only I found him handsome and interesting, all the other females agreed that he was weird. But my taste regarding to men was always different from my female peers. I always liked someone whom they found ugly or weird. And in relationships I hate being treated like an object, who must conform, who must look and behave certain way. 

There is a dating site for autistic people called ‘hiki’ and it’s garbage. You’re better with a mainstream dating site or just not bothering at all. A lot of people on dating sites are scams or are there to gain something from you. 

There does seem to be a need for an ASD dating site...

If I did it it'd be called "bagasperg.com" and be very poorly attended, so perhaps I'll leav that task for someone else, more sensitive, to accomplish...

Yellow tree 118 said:

I would date an autistic girl for sure.

Been there, done that, regretted it. Believe me, you do not want to.