How do you make friends?

I made my first friend back when I was writing fanfiction and uploading it online. I wasn't out there trying to make friends. It just seemed like a good forum to develop writing skills and express some creativity. Along the way I got at least proficient enough that other writers on the site would ask for my opinion on their work, and I'd start to openly offer to take a look at others' writing. In one case, these read overs developed into chatting about the subject matter and other similar things. We got used to talking to each other, and that pretty much was how it started.

Following that, this friend would go on to introduce me to his buddies via online gaming. My sense of humour I guess won them over and they in turn included me in their groups, and that's sort of how the past decade and a half have gone. Meeting friends of friends and learning to take opportunities to branch out.

I guess the best advice I can offer is to try and find a community that suits your interests, and don't be afraid to take a little initiative here and there. Don't try to make every interaction turn into a friendship. Just try to have pleasant interactions with people. You might just find someone that clicks with you, who you can hold more extended conversations with.

Friendship comes through multiple contacts over time.  You don't just make friends.  You make acquaintances, then you maybe go out for a beer or something, talk, maybe have something in common and if you can tolerate each other enough, you might achieve friendship.  That's the shortened version.  You have to invest in them and they in you.  Kind of like the next level beyond that, relationships.  Which is basically friendship with extra perks.  You invest more time and get more things out of it.

So doing the above aas a NT is very hard, according to people i know.  Doing it as ND is so much harder.

A guy I talk to at the gym said "be kind" and I hear that a lot.  So maybe try that.  But don't get taken advantage of.  You also need to be proactive.  So i don't think social clubs are the answer, i'll be blunt on that.  You go to a place and it will be full of groups people that have already created there own friendship circles, then you have to try and break into them.  Why waste energy on it.  You need to find something where everyone is entering at the same level, where no one probably knows each other.  That will increase your chances. 

So for instance, go and learn a language at a community centre.  You will have to be social to do that and you will meet people, interact with others, probably have a good laugh and that may be the first step.  Even if you don't get the joke (I never do generally).  It's not so much about the learning the language, it's the sense of community and meeting new people and helping each other.  These are kind of the starting block for finding friends.  Once people see you for who you are and you start meeting and socialising outside of the class, that's when you will find them.

I'm not sure i can even be my self with myself.

I agree with this. Best friends are those you can be yourself with- if it requires a lot of effort and masking it is just exhausting and won’t last

The one thing I would not personally suggest is being mechanical.

It's always best to trust what feels right to you, but also communicate openly with the person.

There’s no easy answer a lot of the time friends happen by accident or randomly. Then I’ve tried to make friends with lots of people and they end up just ignoring me. I don’t get it either. I think it’s just down to random chance and luck. Also chemistry you need to have chemistry with someone. If you don’t have chemistry then there’s just no point because being friends with someone you don’t like is just going to leave you bored and depressed. 

The challenge is finding these people- i was very lucky and came accros some likeminded people at university. Maybe you have a better chance making friends through one of your special interests? 

You’ve probably just not come across people you connect to. I thought I was incapable of making friends until I came accros a few individuals that I just connected with and becoming friends with them just happened - almost effortlessly. 

I have no idea... but if you ever find the answer please let me know.

I've (hopefully, maybe) found the perfect formula for making friends! It's worked 2 out of 2 times with people I've got to know through this forum.

1 Always be open and honest with them.

2 Give each other a detailed description of your personalities. (In theory, you know each other instantly then.)

3 Ask questions about them. Not too many though; I've got into trouble for asking too many questions in the past. Maybe 3 questions per e-mail or pm or whatever?

It's worked twice for me; I've made 2 very nice friends that way.

Perhaps you are "missing" the fact that autistic people perceive and experience things differently to the majority.  None of my friendships are "normal" by "normal" standards.  Don"t try too hard to be normal.....and atypical friends will manifest.

There's a massive difference between acquiring acquaintances and investing in friendship. The first is easy and loosely unreciprocated, indulge as little or as much as you wish of yourself minding that some people might not be trustworthy or have earned the right to know too much about you. Acquaintances come and go. And on a rare occasion one might eventually turn into a friend. 

Then there's colleagues or work-relations who we might have to be around more often. I've made a point of not getting too close to most. Being very intentional with what I share or how I relate as once you do a thing, it can create an expectation. And while I value dependability, I might not always be dependable even with the best of intentions. Also, while we cannot control others misinterpretations of who we are, we can use a little bit of agency to control what others expect from us to a degree. Or choose how we'd like to curate our own aesthetic for the sake of social politeness -how I dress for example, which can give a better impression than I might with words. 

Real friendship can take years. And often grows out of shared experience, shared joy in a thing. There is responsibility with a friend to walk with them in life. But growing a friendship takes patience and recognising the agency of the other. Friendships are built through mutual respect, thoughtfulness and trust. 

So, go to a thing on repeat for a year. Start a group chat with one or two others and see if they want to get coffee at some point outside the group. Taking time to choose friends is one part of the process. 

I wish I knew.