How do you make friends?

There's a massive difference between acquiring acquaintances and investing in friendship. The first is easy and loosely unreciprocated, indulge as little or as much as you wish of yourself minding that some people might not be trustworthy or have earned the right to know too much about you. Acquaintances come and go. And on a rare occasion one might eventually turn into a friend. 

Then there's colleagues or work-relations who we might have to be around more often. I've made a point of not getting too close to most. Being very intentional with what I share or how I relate as once you do a thing, it can create an expectation. And while I value dependability, I might not always be dependable even with the best of intentions. Also, while we cannot control others misinterpretations of who we are, we can use a little bit of agency to control what others expect from us to a degree. Or choose how we'd like to curate our own aesthetic for the sake of social politeness -how I dress for example, which can give a better impression than I might with words. 

Real friendship can take years. And often grows out of shared experience, shared joy in a thing. There is responsibility with a friend to walk with them in life. But growing a friendship takes patience and recognising the agency of the other. Friendships are built through mutual respect, thoughtfulness and trust. 

So, go to a thing on repeat for a year. Start a group chat with one or two others and see if they want to get coffee at some point outside the group. Taking time to choose friends is one part of the process. 

There's a massive difference between acquiring acquaintances and investing in friendship. The first is easy and loosely unreciprocated, indulge as little or as much as you wish of yourself minding that some people might not be trustworthy or have earned the right to know too much about you. Acquaintances come and go. And on a rare occasion one might eventually turn into a friend. 

Then there's colleagues or work-relations who we might have to be around more often. I've made a point of not getting too close to most. Being very intentional with what I share or how I relate as once you do a thing, it can create an expectation. And while I value dependability, I might not always be dependable even with the best of intentions. Also, while we cannot control others misinterpretations of who we are, we can use a little bit of agency to control what others expect from us to a degree. Or choose how we'd like to curate our own aesthetic for the sake of social politeness -how I dress for example, which can give a better impression than I might with words. 

Real friendship can take years. And often grows out of shared experience, shared joy in a thing. There is responsibility with a friend to walk with them in life. But growing a friendship takes patience and recognising the agency of the other. Friendships are built through mutual respect, thoughtfulness and trust. 

So, go to a thing on repeat for a year. Start a group chat with one or two others and see if they want to get coffee at some point outside the group. Taking time to choose friends is one part of the process.