Published on 12, July, 2020
Does anyone else have this problem and how have you dealt with it, I'm going out of my mind!!
My daughter is 12 and her traits seem to be on a massive downward spiral just now, I hardly recognise her as my daughter these days.
Her traits are mostly sensory based and she struggles every day with many tasks. However recently her new trigger is around food and other people eating. Being too loud when they eat, or use there knife and fork, its causing so, so many issues in the house and upsetting my son and husband.
She will say that she is not hungry and would rather not eat than have to sit at the dining room table with us, which is our time to come together as a family, and has always been so.
Do I let her excuse herself, do I make her sit with us, do I let her put earplugs in or eat alone. I'm so worried that any of these options will cause further problems for us as a family, won't help her over come this sensory issue and make the whole thing a much bigger problem, one where she can't go out socially now or when she is older.
I'm literally at my wits end.
BumbleBee said:Being too loud when they eat, or use there knife and fork, its causing so, so many issues in the house
how about using a thick tablecloth to mute the sound of the plates / cutlery / glasses on the table, using melamine plates to reduce the sound of metal cutlery on ceramic and asking the family to be more considerate when eating (eat with mouth closed, lower volume conversation etc.
These should cut down the sensory load.
Autists are typically in need of routine to and advance notice of change to feel comfortable so maybe keep set places fo everyone, a set time for the meal and have a menu for her to see in advance of the day whenever possible - all should reduce anxiety.
This may be enough for her to be able to contribute to the normal family mealtime and feel a part of it. Excluding her may help her eat but will add to a feeling of social exclusion so I would only do this if she really can't take the noise.
Thank you, I think I'm beginning to recognise that, I just need to get my husband to accept it too. I think I understand that this could cause trauma to her and I really, really don't want to make her life any harder than it already is. It's just a balance of keeping all parties happy and that is sometimes very difficult when one of you doesn't quiet get the autism traits, yet. Although, is trying every day to understand. I totally agree that my daughter should have her say about what she feels most comfortable with, some teenagers have enough issues surrounding food, without me adding another on top! I will sit down with my husband and read all these messages to him and hopefully he will come to the same conclusion as me and we can help my daughter find a strategy that works for her.
A potential issue is that forcing her to eat with you without earplugs or headphones might make the problem much worse. If she finds it unbearable but is made to endure it, it could reach a point where she has a total breakdown, and speaking from personal experience those traumatic moments can damage you for years. When that's happened to me I've had periods where eating anything at all felt impossible, and I still feel scared when I eat that this time will be like that one.
It's not ideal and you want to encourage her to eat meals in the traditional family way, but if she needs to eat alone or with something to block out the sounds then I don't think it's helpful to rule it out.
Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts. It so good to know that we're not alone and seeing how things have worked out for other people with the same sensory overload is so helpful. I have just read all the messages to her and I think for her it 'normalised' the feelings for her. Tonight, after asking her what she'd like to do, myself and my son sat at the table and she sat at the breakfast bar. She still chatted to us, but I think she felt more in control of her surroundings and what she could deal with. I know this might not be the case everytime, but tonight, for once, we had a nice relaxed meal time. I'll keep you guys posted and thank you so, so much.
She’s family whether she’s at the table or not. If she would be happier in her own space, let her eat there, or in another room at least. Meals times can be overwhelming. When I was younger I could not bear the clanking of cutlery and other peoples chewing. Focus on the now. She will learn to make her own adjustments and coping mechanisms as she grows.
I've always avoided eating with others because of social anxiety. To have to eat as well as 'socialise' becomes so difficult that I just can't relax enough to swallow. As a child I was sometimes permitted to eat in another room, but I'm not sure anyone really understood my difficulty; Christmas dinner was always a nightmare.
I am now an OAP and still avoid taking meals with others.
Maybe you should let your daughter eat alone for a while and see how things go.
Ben
Thank you so much, it's good to hear from someone who also suffers with sensory overload around eating. I appreciate your honest and insightful advice. It's a valid point about not wanting her to feel like a burden, because she's not, at all. I just want to help her navigate her way through life and somehow help her to find strategies that work for her. I also guess asking her what she needs to feel more comfortable is a good pointer too. Thank you so much Ladybug5
I’ve had sensory issues with food all my life- I have to eat on my own because I can’t cope with eating around others and my diet is very limited. If she is able to eat around others while wearing headphones though that is good. I’m not a parent but I know that sensory overload is horrible so any accommodations that help her I think you could discuss with her what would make her more comfortable. I completely understand why it’s upsetting to others but her masking these types of symptoms by forcing herself to be in situations that are overwhelming to her can lead to meltdowns and other issues further on- and also to prevent her from feeling like a burden on others because of her struggles.
(just based on my experience, I’m no expert- hope things work out for you all)