Self Discovery?

ah, i see, ok, that was good 

Martin said:

It goes against my principles to queue-jump

You never queue jump - consultants allocate some of their time to the NHS and some for private clients - and the rest is for golf.  

I'm a former research scientist, so I was very thorough. It took me about a month of research and 3 online autism tests to convince me that I was autistic. After that, I researched the official wait time figures for autism assessment following referral on the NHS in England, which was 315 days. I then looked for private providers and decided that a three week waiting time and self-referral were the way to go. Of course this approach was not cheap, but I think health is something worth spending money on if you are able to do so. It goes against my principles to queue-jump, but a wait of almost a year was an unbearable prospect. The assessment was by a consultant psychiatrist and very thorough, I was happy with the outcome.

Yeah all I did for the GP was refine my document down to a single a4 of bullet points, the big document was for me primarily then for when I finally get assessed. I should have said that.

I agree in principle. That would be the ideal. It's easier said than done though if you are struggling with problems in the meantime and you kinda know the answers are in there somewhere.

I confess, I'm doing nothing but reading.  I know the sensory aspects are there whether or not the full diagnostic criteria will in the end be made out.  I should think a significant SPD is the bare minimum that can be concluded. And that is causing serious immediate problems, I just can't wait months until my turn comes round for some help. :-(

Oh I see, Thanks, yeah I got my wires crossed, interesting all the same though! 

Yeah - annoying isn't it.      Could have saved a lot of heartache.     

My diagnosis all happened around me - I just went for a pleasant afternoon chat where the interviewer went over all the usual questions in the form of a conversation.

I understand this, CanadianGirl. I went through this on some level for a little while. It sounds like you're experiencing anxiousness, which is totally understandable. A diagnosis (self-diagnosis or official) might not change who we are, but it changes our understanding of how things have been, how the future might pan out, and so on. To me, it feels like everything changed and nothing changed at the same time. Basically, I think my internal world, my hopes and dreams, changed hugely, but to the outside world I'm still the same.

What helped me is figuring out the basic trio of diagnostic criteria for autism and then creating a list of things I have discovered about myself and my past that would fit the criteria. Basically, I created a bullet point list, trying to organise them and categorise them to the criteria, roughly. This calmed me, helped me feel like I'm doing something productive with my concerns (gave my anxieties a sense of direction) and all the time I spent researching, which was 2-3 months before requesting an assessment.

Thanks to this list, I felt confident I was autistic regardless of what an official assessment would say. This step was important to me, because I've learned how important it is for autistic people (children and adults) to choose whether they're assessed officially or not. Some people feel an assessment would be beneficial, some do not. Each have their own reasons. I believe it's beneficial for me - one of the biggest reasons is that I'm using it to understand other health concerns of mine that might be connected and I have spent years trying to address but without success. It also opens up additional support in my current work.

The list I made also shows me how I'm unique - not just a generic label of autistic, but it shows me what my version of autism looks like. It is now helping me to accept myself better (this is definitely a work in progress - I made a post about this in this forum). I also want to use it as a basis of describing myself and my challenges to others when needed, and when I am not yet ready to tell someone I'm autistic. E.g. "I find group social situations hard to understand and keep up with sometimes, so I may either go completely quiet while I'm seeking to listen and understand better, or I may misjudge the dynamics, so please let me know if this is the case." (This is an example I just made up right now, I will probably need to do this for each unique situation, rather than use a generic message like this.)

I don't know if a list will help you - either way, maybe writing your thoughts down somehow would help you process what you're discovering and feeling. 

I still have a small level of masking with my partner, too - it's automatic. I also hide one or two stims as it's been a habit for so long and because I haven't yet accepted them myself yet. Each couple's relationship is unique so I couldn't guess what would be good words to help reassure you here. I hope that you can come back to remembering why you met your husband, fell in love... and if it's anything like my partner, it might be BECAUSE you're different. It sounds like he cares deeply for you and is noticing your stress, wanting to help in some way but probably doesn't know how.

Wishing you all the best on this journey.

all that is required is a single a4 list of traits  plus relatives ( blood ) who have autism

yes stop reading obsessing ,,,,,,  get a list of reasons why u think u have autism and ring your GP. Then stop all research, reading about autism, leave your diagnosis to the professionals 

no its just the overall plan for the process of getting a referral by your GP 

this

With the exception of my mother, who I expect maybe autistic herself, all those close to me seemed to think it was obvious too, one of which works with autistic adults. It was actually a bit frustrating no one had bothered to point it out if it was so obvious. Very jealous of your diagnosis time by the way.

Sorry to but in here but what is an overplan? I'd be interested in seeing/hearing about it if it has helped with emotional and social stability.

I'm in the stupidly long queue for my assessment so I might not be exactly who you're targeting for this but I'm probably about 80 hours into research right now but it was probably around the 40-hour mark and a 16-page document of evidence before I was convinced enough to approach a doctor and he agreed right away.

The research I've done since is some data collection so I still remember everything in 2 years when I get to the front of the assessment queue and learning coping mechanisms to stop my mental health from deteriorating and I'm finding using autistic coping mechanisms to be working really well. 

When I went to a private clinic they gave me bunch of questionnaires to fill out before I had the actual assessment and write them a paragraph on why I think I I'm autistic and then they will decide if they think you should have an assessment.

I remember that it was cost free when I sent the email explaining why I thought I was I don't remember about the questionnaires I think they were free too I might depend on the clinic

My mum did that for me at the age of Twelve; after she read about kids with Asperger's in a Woman's Magazine and recognised me in what she read.

Thirty years later, here I am.

Thanks everyone.

I wasn't going to write about this here, because it seemed too personal, but hey.. at least it's anonymous, right? 

I want to book an appointment to discuss options for assessment - but I am scared. Scared that they will brush me off. Scared I'm wrong. Scared I'm right.

My husband is getting frustrated with me. Says it's twisting me up, and my behavior is stressing him out. He is pushing me to stop reading / obsessing and just call the doctor already. I think he thinks I'm nuts and making this up. Says I've been acting weird since starting all of this research. I've been stimming a lot, and am having a hard time making eye contact.. but that is normal behaviour for me when I am working through something hard, especially something like this. 

I know that I mask a lot, even with my husband still. I'm scared of what he will think if or when I take the mask off.

Hi CanadaGirl,

I'm still going through it. Only received my diagnosis a week ago, but the process has been going on for about twelve months. I had half the assessment last year and then there was a hiatus due to the pandemic. I had the second half of the assessment in March. I didn't think much about it until I got the diagnosis - but since, I've been oscillating between:

I don't believe in Autism. I don't believe them, anyway. I'm a fraud.

and

I'm autistic, woohoo! Autism is a superpower. If only I'd known decades ago. 

It's a confusing time for sure.

i had serious problems at work ( over several jobs )  and had had enough. This meant the  problem is not other people or things it was me..  i did my own research about 40 hours of reading/watching videos&  on line science articles over a month and I thought it was "Social anxiety Disorder"  I had.

My GP referred me to a pair of psychiatrists who then immediately diagnosed autism 2 years later at my observation assessment. They were amazed/impressed at my move into Zen and mediation by this time and encouraged me on this path.  It was a win win, positive outcome.

I think i sent u my overplan graphic,, did u look at it and understand it ? 

If I didnt send it to u and u want it, just ask 

I spent just over 2 months doing proper research into autism in adults my friend that I see from time to time from college has always said that she though I'm autistic she has an autistic brother, she always said I'm just like him and to her it's obvious that I am. By chance they day after I saw her I had a video on my recommended page on YouTube something like "5 signs your undiagnosed autistic" so I watched it and I related to all 5 things on there and then spent most of my days for 2 months just reading, listening and watching and then said to my mum that I think im autistic and want to get assessed.

Then I did and I was right :)