Still Here

What do you think of your life, as you look back on it? Of course you may be here for another 20 years so it may be too early, but I wondered about your opinion.

Hiya

I definitely won't be here in 2 years - this cancer is always fatal and the chemo is the limiting factor - when my body gives up. I will die.   I will fight to the end.

While not trying to 'big myself up', I have burned the candle at both ends.     I identify strongly with Roy Batty.     "I have done things you people would not believe!"

I feel very, very cheated of the life I have worked so hard to create.    I've said before, I was months away from 'Life 2.0' and it's all been snatched away.

I spent most of my life oblivious to how very different I was to everyone else - blindly performing technical miracles 'for the greater good' without any recognition - while actually being used and manipulated by those benefiting from my achievements.

I remember every detail of my life - like looking at a huge array of photos.- It's frustrating to not be able to share the highlights and extremes with everyone..    

I'm sorry you feel cheated, it must be a horrible feeling. But I'm glad you did some amazing things and you're a Roy Batty!

Donald Trump anyone ? 

Reading 'The Logic of Collective Action' about freeriders and the tradgedy of the commons helped explain how my thinking didn't coincide with clearly how others think, and how they operate. You can see the role aspies play, working for the common good whilst others freeride, and why.

Plastic said:

Yes - I definitely think we have a 'lifespan' when in management - I've measured about 4 years before the narcissists and back-stabbers can get their heads around our very different management style and find ways to screw us over.   

Then it's time to pull the ejector seat handle before they move in to surgically destroy us. 

That has got me laughing so much ~ definitely, although they can't actually get their heads around the fact that the survival of the fittest delusion is an obstructive delusion, and that cooperation needs to occur in house for the company and that competition needs to be kept in the market place for profitable efficiencies involving the team as a whole.

It is just that they know how to high-jack or sabotage the operating protocols that everybody has to use, which unfortunately limits their own time at the top too ~ particularly as being corpse-climber careerists rather sets as such the back-stabbing examples for their own demise. Yikes!?!

It just staggers me how productively inefficient and economically unproductive that way of living is, but then compulsive addiction patterns are somewhat infamous for not facilitating open mindedness nor any real prospects for long-term good health and wealth. The survival of the fittest delusion is after all pathological and sociopathic.

Hay hoe!

I always hope more people might read things like this and start working out that greater efficiencies with much greater returns are way more healthy and way more viable. 

Ah!

That makes sense, the 4 years. Kinda tallys with me. Never thought the autism intersected here but it's clear I manage in a very different way to anyone else, always eye on the horizon, always impact foccussed, always able to juggle/see the whole thing in my head, always deliver under budget, on or ahead of schedule, high tech spec but more importantly does what's needed. But yes, i give no space to normies wanting their status n power n control, acting out whatever so become a target.

And yes, i burn out.

Yes - I definitely think we have a 'lifespan' when in management - I've measured about 4 years before the narcissists and back-stabbers can get their heads around our very different management style and find ways to screw us over.   

Then it's time to pull the ejector seat handle before they move in to surgically destroy us. 

Plastic said:

Maybe it's the curse of Asperger's that I can work out what's possible beforehand.

I always thought of it as being a gift and a curse ~ with the gift side involving the success and the curse involving those who became or were just full on saboteurs when they did not get the limelight.

Plastic said:

I've always found failure in projects are due to poor planning in the first place.     Stretch goals are normally some middle-manager removing all contingency from an already impractical timeline.  

I always called them 'Challenge Anneka's' ~ after the late eighties and early to mid nineties TV program where Anneka Rice got a medium sized financial bung and had to pull off a large resource outcome all big and charitably for some hard up community or social group and such like (basically the TV advertising thing with local businesses to do charitable acts with their goods and services ~ involving the 'pretty-woman' effect).

The irony of pulling a 'Challenge Anneka' was of course that most of us were not pretty women, and nothing charitable was actually going on! It was all quite evidently about the company profit margins and getting the next pay scaling, although I was completely content with my wages and was only ever interested in achieving greater operational efficiencies and a friendly work atmosphere ~ all big and prosocial.

This is where the above mentioned saboteurs got vexed into action and I ended up getting ousted from the company, which was actually quite pleasant and really luxurious as I had never earned so much money nor had I gotten severance pay before.

The basic problem was that I was in middle management and the upper management could not work out my approach to things, as they were aside from one completely competitive with a few being full on dark-side narcissists.

But as you state about middle (or line) management removing contingencies from project timelines ~ often to make life easier for themselves and harder for others career wise in lower management etcetera, that can pretty much be the strength of it at that or those level of things.

For upper (or area) management though 'stretch-goals' are their portfolios of credentials and are strategically sought or planned in order to remain at the top of the league for however long or short a duration that might remain the case (in the proverbial piranha and shark territories of business and all that). 

Unfortunately in my case several years after the aforementioned managerial discharge with severance ~ I had up to which picked up a few too many bad habits, as all I had on the go were sequenced stretch-goals and my business as such came fully to a complete and utter crash and burn ending!

My Aspergenesis and Executive Planning Disorder were really starting to make themselves known, as my business ending involved my social camouflaging and personal masking becoming my most debilitating psychological breakdown. Me faking it as a neurologically typical person had come to rather an end. Getting diagnosed as having Asperger's Syndrome nearly two decades later just made complete sense of it all.

Maybe it's the curse of Asperger's that I can work out what's possible beforehand.

I've always found failure in projects are due to poor planning in the first place.     Stretch goals are normally some middle-manager removing all contingency from an already impractical timeline.   

Maybe it's the curse of Asperger's that I can work out what's possible beforehand.

I've always found failure in projects are due to poor planning in the first place.     Stretch goals are normally some middle-manager removing all contingency from an already impractical timeline.   

Donald Trump anyone ? 

Reading 'The Logic of Collective Action' about freeriders and the tradgedy of the commons helped explain how my thinking didn't coincide with clearly how others think, and how they operate. You can see the role aspies play, working for the common good whilst others freeride, and why.

Plastic said:

Yes - I definitely think we have a 'lifespan' when in management - I've measured about 4 years before the narcissists and back-stabbers can get their heads around our very different management style and find ways to screw us over.   

Then it's time to pull the ejector seat handle before they move in to surgically destroy us. 

That has got me laughing so much ~ definitely, although they can't actually get their heads around the fact that the survival of the fittest delusion is an obstructive delusion, and that cooperation needs to occur in house for the company and that competition needs to be kept in the market place for profitable efficiencies involving the team as a whole.

It is just that they know how to high-jack or sabotage the operating protocols that everybody has to use, which unfortunately limits their own time at the top too ~ particularly as being corpse-climber careerists rather sets as such the back-stabbing examples for their own demise. Yikes!?!

It just staggers me how productively inefficient and economically unproductive that way of living is, but then compulsive addiction patterns are somewhat infamous for not facilitating open mindedness nor any real prospects for long-term good health and wealth. The survival of the fittest delusion is after all pathological and sociopathic.

Hay hoe!

I always hope more people might read things like this and start working out that greater efficiencies with much greater returns are way more healthy and way more viable. 

Ah!

That makes sense, the 4 years. Kinda tallys with me. Never thought the autism intersected here but it's clear I manage in a very different way to anyone else, always eye on the horizon, always impact foccussed, always able to juggle/see the whole thing in my head, always deliver under budget, on or ahead of schedule, high tech spec but more importantly does what's needed. But yes, i give no space to normies wanting their status n power n control, acting out whatever so become a target.

And yes, i burn out.

Yes - I definitely think we have a 'lifespan' when in management - I've measured about 4 years before the narcissists and back-stabbers can get their heads around our very different management style and find ways to screw us over.   

Then it's time to pull the ejector seat handle before they move in to surgically destroy us. 

Plastic said:

Maybe it's the curse of Asperger's that I can work out what's possible beforehand.

I always thought of it as being a gift and a curse ~ with the gift side involving the success and the curse involving those who became or were just full on saboteurs when they did not get the limelight.

Plastic said:

I've always found failure in projects are due to poor planning in the first place.     Stretch goals are normally some middle-manager removing all contingency from an already impractical timeline.  

I always called them 'Challenge Anneka's' ~ after the late eighties and early to mid nineties TV program where Anneka Rice got a medium sized financial bung and had to pull off a large resource outcome all big and charitably for some hard up community or social group and such like (basically the TV advertising thing with local businesses to do charitable acts with their goods and services ~ involving the 'pretty-woman' effect).

The irony of pulling a 'Challenge Anneka' was of course that most of us were not pretty women, and nothing charitable was actually going on! It was all quite evidently about the company profit margins and getting the next pay scaling, although I was completely content with my wages and was only ever interested in achieving greater operational efficiencies and a friendly work atmosphere ~ all big and prosocial.

This is where the above mentioned saboteurs got vexed into action and I ended up getting ousted from the company, which was actually quite pleasant and really luxurious as I had never earned so much money nor had I gotten severance pay before.

The basic problem was that I was in middle management and the upper management could not work out my approach to things, as they were aside from one completely competitive with a few being full on dark-side narcissists.

But as you state about middle (or line) management removing contingencies from project timelines ~ often to make life easier for themselves and harder for others career wise in lower management etcetera, that can pretty much be the strength of it at that or those level of things.

For upper (or area) management though 'stretch-goals' are their portfolios of credentials and are strategically sought or planned in order to remain at the top of the league for however long or short a duration that might remain the case (in the proverbial piranha and shark territories of business and all that). 

Unfortunately in my case several years after the aforementioned managerial discharge with severance ~ I had up to which picked up a few too many bad habits, as all I had on the go were sequenced stretch-goals and my business as such came fully to a complete and utter crash and burn ending!

My Aspergenesis and Executive Planning Disorder were really starting to make themselves known, as my business ending involved my social camouflaging and personal masking becoming my most debilitating psychological breakdown. Me faking it as a neurologically typical person had come to rather an end. Getting diagnosed as having Asperger's Syndrome nearly two decades later just made complete sense of it all.