Published on 12, July, 2020
I've been in one relationship that lasted 8 months, during which I didn't know I was autistic
Throughout the whole thing I cared about him but I always just felt awkward, and acted awkward. I never really had anything to say, we kind of just sat in silence most of the time watching tv or a movie. I can't make conversation and that is a huge part of a relationship, talking.
I don't think I'll ever be able to have a proper, successful relationship because I'm too awkward and never have much to say, which probably makes the whole thing weird. I loved being in a relationship and really want intimacy, I just don't think I can keep a bond with someone for long because I ruin it with how weird I am. I think I'll end up lonely forever, which I really don't want.
What can I do to stop ruining all my relationships by being awkward and quiet? I don't want to be alone
Hello J don’t worry I’m in the same boat as you I’m 34 and never had a proper girlfriend I’m starting to think I’ll end up alone too hopefully I’m wrong I’m super awkward around people and can’t think of anything to say.
Yep that's exactly how I feel, I was called weird throughout school because I as quiet when really, I just didn't know how to talk to people. It definitely has caused problems in my relationships.
Not to get too deep here but I genuinely think I shouldn't even try to be with anyone because I'm too difficult and I don't want to put someone I care about through the trouble of being with me
Yeah, i find it so hard to read people around this. I read something somewhere that explained it. That autists find it hard to process contradictory information, like someone lying. When you flirt you send signals of interest, but at the same time are defended/guarded and so send those signals too. We get confused. Personally I then latch onto the negative signals, I guess cos we're all insecure (that's if i haven't shutdown).
My friends have always been confused that I misread situatiins that are obvious to them. But knowing this, now when i get confused i'm going to tell myself to look at the positives and not the negative signals. And maybe just say something blunt like, "are you flirting with me?"
No problem
That’s reassuring thank you :)