Think I'm autistic but scared to talk about it - advice?

Hi 

Reading your post rings true for me too. I’m 51 and lie, you only just dawning on me that maybe I’m autistic with similar history. 

I think society is so much better at understanding in recent years and I too suspect I may not discuss with my parents as I’m unsure what they’ll think ? I have coped til now and now sure if it will make an ounce of difference to the relationship, which is good by the way.

A diagnosis for me would help me come to terms with my behaviours and actions and “shame” if you will at what I feel was truly odd behaviour as a child.  having said that, if people truly love you and care about you and your feelings I would hope they would listen and understand.

I awaiting a private referral through work, which I’m really humbled by their support. Please let me know how you get on. 

Hi everyone, I am a mum of two autistic children. One was diagnosed at 6 and presents more on a sensory level. He is now 13. The second is my daughter who wasn't diagnosed until a few month ago at 10 and she is definitely more social based. Since she was diagnosed I have started to think about the whole genetic aspect of everything and am wondering if in fact I am on the spectrum too. I have always struggled socially, become overwhelmed or tired after long periods of social interaction. These Interactions often lead to long periods of anxiety before and then as an adult maybe over drinking a bit when out to try and feel a little normal and able to interact like everyone else. I'm putting myself out here now so I would really appreciate no hate towards me. I feel like I have mimicked everyone close around me, just so they would except me. I feel an outcast to my family, like no one kind of gets me. Does anyone know how I would go about trying to get an assessment as an adult? I'm 38? Thanks

hey, i have no idea if you’ll even see this because it’s 3 years later but I was wondering what you ended up doing? i’m in the same situation and sound very similar to you even with the dolls obsession and i’m so scared to talk to a gp but think it’s the best thing to do 

my husband has reached the age of 54 without a diagnosis as he functions brilliantly, just some things have to be done in certain ways and some things can upset his ' sensibilities' as I refer to it.

Its only since having our children and discovering them to be autistic that we have realised that he is too. My daughter (aged 10) acts like the average 10 year old in most ways but socially struggles in play, like you stated, she can be a bit domineering and obsessive. she is also so unobservant that it  is unreal but this could be said of many of her age group. Autism is a spectrum disorder, and the spectrum is huge. you have looked into this and have seen the traits that probably mean that you have this diagnosis, however, this does not make you any less you. it will just help you understand why you struggle with certain things. the more you (and your family and friends) learn about the condition, the more coping strategies you can put in place.

good luck

You are so right nexus9. I hated uni because of the verbal bullying and found it so much easier to study with the OU. Even with that I avoided tutorials as much as possible as I'd been subjected to bullying by one individual at the obligatory first year Summer School. By the way that was at UEA kcat10 - I absolutely loved the architecture and would wander around on my own taking photographs.

I can't stress enough how important it is to get your diagnosis now. I wish for me it was 50 years ago and I understood what I now know. I could possibly have coped better with shutdowns and meltdowns and not spend my days stimming and having a soft toy hedgehog with at all times

I'm sure we'll all be rooting for you. x

Things have certainly changed on recent years. There is a plethora of books on autism around, for example. Articles are always appearing in magazines about it. From that point of view, this must be a good time to 'come out' as being autistic!

Life at university can be tough of you don't know what you are up against, so it is probably good to get a diagnosis of you can, though I have heard it can be difficult. I got a lot of flak for avoiding eye contact for example and for being strange and aloof, but the worst was getting obsessed with too much navel gazing and dangerous forms of introspection with certain kinds of esoterica, which I wish I had never wasted so time over now. There are individuals who love the chance to try on a few mind games over that if there are weaknesses they can exploit. 

I never got diagnosed as an adult, it would be difficult now as I don't live in the UK, though I did once catch sight inadvertently of my medical notes. There were diagnoses being mooted, but back in the day it was seen as craziness. Great! 

I'm already beginning to write out a detailed list of all my possible symptoms and preparing for the 'You can't be autistic, you act/talk/look normal' responses. But the earlier I open up to people about this, the better. Thank you so much. 

Hi kcat10 - having a need to find out what makes you feel out of step is enough reason to seek an assessment. I was diagnosed with a raft of mental health illnesses at 18, have spent many many long periods in hospital, and now 50 years later at 68 I've just been diagnosed with ASD. While I have been able to achieve some of my early ambitions, there are many more that I haven't. Having found links to neuro-diversity in a book on dyspraxia that I'd bought I found too many symptoms / features to ignore. Last year I gathered all the paperwork I could (on how I respond to situations / how I react when under pressure / how I cope in social situations / etc) and took it to my GP. This is always advised, to gather as much evidence as you can to support why you would like to be referred. He referred me for assessment which finally came through last November thanks to the injection of money to the newly set up ASD Wales. Getting the diagnosis put me on a wheel of relief / anger / frustration. I say this to stress that the sooner you get your answers and support the better. As for people not believing you - well it happens especially for females. "You can't be autistic, you're so normal / you get on with people / you're successful / etc"  The fact that after being with people for even a short while, and even people you like, you'll be a weeping mess is what they never see. Or the screaming and smashing when you hit a meltdown - all done behind closed doors.

So don't be scared. Go for it. The worst that can happen will not be as bad as not being diagnosed and not getting support. I dropped out of Uni after one term and most of my study has been done through the OU (no people!!). 

Good luck. Be kind to yourself.

I am 36 and have always felt different. My family never really understood me and probably still wont. First thing to remember is that you don't have a desease and it's not curable, you are just different and there is nothing wrong with that. I first started to suspect i had aspergers when a girl with aspergers joined my group of friends and i looked it up to try nd help me understand her and realized that I could also be someone with aspergers. Over time i became convinced. I went to the GP myself recently, and well it does take a long time to get an appointment. It took 9 months for me to have a 15 minute chat that was supposed to be 1/2 hour bu the previous consultation had overrun and now I am waiting for a further appointement for which they have given no expectation of time.

Just be aware they will want to spek to your parents at some point or at least as has been the case for me get them to fill in a form, it seems that in my case the form from my parents is what they wanted the most despite them having problems remembering shuff.

No problem! I'm happy to help.

Halls can be a great experience, and a good place to make friends as you have so many shared experiences. And it's always nice to have your room to escape to for quiet time if things get too much!

Talking to a close friend sounds like a really good move. When I told my mum, I found a time when we were both reasonably calm and didn't have too much going on. I'd bought Tony Atwood's guide to Asperger's syndrome book and highlighted lots of the sections I thought were relative to me. I was so nervous, I think I basically said "I think I have this condition, and this book backs me up"! She was a bit taken aback at first (she had never thought about the possibility I could be autistic) but agreed with the things I'd highlighted and actually picked up on early years identifiers that I hadn't thought about, such as the fact I started talking very early, never crawled as a baby but went straight to walking etc.

I used to struggle quite a lot with talking to my mum. Like you, I found it difficult to open up to her and get my point across. My mum knew that I was struggling with things though and realised that a diagnosis might provide me with the help I need. Even if your family aren't sure about the idea you might have autism, I'm sure they'll want to help and support you if you feel able to tell them. I know it's a scary prospect, though!

If you have a contact name for the department/course you have applied for then phone and talk to them. I am sure they will be happy to help.  It was a great time, very diverse and can help build some life skills.  Just watch Fresher Week as there were lots of games that were played on the new students - I was older so was not that gullible to the 18 year olds, away from home for the first time.

I went through university and preferred practical and applied engineering together with Computer Systems but after over 20 years am awaiting an adult diagnosis.

For me, I am not yet diagnosed but so many with experience of the condition have confirmed that I was Autistic once I said something.  As Bookworm said above, discuss it with your GP and do not actually focus on one but mention others (Aspergers, etc) as you never know what diagnosis you will get in time.

: ))

Thank you! I appreciate it. 

I'm planning to live in a hall, yes. I'm worried that I'll struggle making friends, but now that I've heard from people who said that their uni experience was fine and they made long-lasting friendships, I'm feeling a little bit better. I'll try and get in touch with the uni when I have the chance, and see what they say. 

I'm hoping my family will be understanding, although in the past I've found trouble trying to open up them (especially my mum) as I haven't always been taken seriously. I'm considering telling one of my closest friends first, as I think I'll find it easier to explain to her. I don't know how I'll bring the conversation up though - how did you bring your autism up to your mum, if you don't mind me asking? 

Hi there I am new today to this forum but so glad that I have found it.  I believe I am a parent to a young women who has aspergers, ( undiagnosed). I have known all along that something was not quite right, but discouraged by other members of family from continuing to seek help. Please go to first point of call, GP, and ask for help.  It will change you and your family's life. No one will judge, just relieved that you are getting the help you need.  Best of luck at uni, shoot for the stars.

Welcome to the forum :-) 

I was sitting in a first year lecture at university, listening to a talk about autism, when I had a similar "aha!" moment and realised I could possibly be autistic. Like yourself, I had previously thought perhaps my difficulties were due to depression and anxiety, but really I knew there was a deeper issue present and it was a relief to have a potential answer.

I was so scared of talking to my family too; I was worried that no-one would believe me or support me. Actually, when I raised the possibility with my mum, she agreed with me straight away and was relieved that there was a potential answer to the difficulties I'd been having. It sounds like you've really done your research and can present your reasons to your family; hopefully they can support you through all this if you decide to talk to them.

The first GP I talked to (in the city where I was at uni) was not understanding and did not accept that I could be autistic, which upset me greatly. When I talked to my childhood GP, however, she referred me for an assessment which led to my diagnosis. Hopefully, if you talk to a GP they will help you but I just wanted to say that they do not always recognise autism in females. Like others have said, if people do not agree with the idea you may have autism, they are not necessarily right! You know yourself best.

When I was considering getting a diagnosis, I went to the uni mental health team and they put support in place for me, even though I didn't have an official diagnosis. I think it's a great idea to start looking at what help your uni can provide; I'd advise getting in touch with them before you start your course if possible (I really struggled with how overwhelming fresher's week was, but was lucky in that I managed to make some lovely friends in my halls of residence). Are you going to be living in halls when you start uni?

Wishing you all the best, and keep using the forum if you need to talk about anything - everyone here is super friendly and gives good advice :-)

Of course 

I was hesitant to join this forum at first because I haven't actually been diagnosed, but now I've seen that there's nothing to worry about because there's really understanding people on here. Thank you :) 

Hi there, I'm a female, 38 and diagnosed with Aspergers in December 18. I also happen to live in East Anglia. Are you happy for me to send you a friend request on here?

...Greetings, this is perhaps a less helpful answer in practicality considering the advice given so far here. I only wanted to offer Support, and to say, if it is true, then Congratulations upon being so brave as to state all of that here, on this Forum.(And start a Thread, even!) Depression and Social Anxiety are tough enough, with or without Autism. Keep going like this and strengthen your confidence using successes such as this. You know that you are not alone here, and may say/ask whatever You want/feel here.

...I recommend trying for an assessment also, for it gives access to more support/understanding in LAW. This may take time, yes. Meantime, You may see that there is  reason to be cautious but there is really no reason to be "scared". Whatever result You gain will be 'official' and that piece of paper can be waved at anyone to dispel most Fears and ALL doubts...! (E.g. - I Myself have do Autism, and Depression and Social Anxiety -and anyone who doubts that, I just show them the "official" papers, so there.)

...Whatever happens, stay true to your own integrity and beliefs. Merely *Consider* the opinions of others; integrate them if positive, & do not let any negative opinions affect the Positives which You Yourself feel to be True in Your own Life.