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Think I'm autistic but scared to talk about it - advice?

kcat10

Hi everyone Slight smile

I'm a newbie on this website, as it only recently dawned on me that I may be on the autism spectrum. I've known from a very young age that I'm not like other people. I was definitely a weird kid, but it wasn't until I watched a video online of a woman talking about her autism as a child that I considered the fact that I may have had an underlying condition all this time, as I related to pretty much everything that she talked about. I've usually blamed social anxiety and maybe depression for the way in which I act, talk, form relationships and observe the world around me, but since watching the video I've done a lot of research into female autism and have taken numerous online tests which have all suggested I may be on the spectrum. 

I tick most boxes when it comes to social skills, masking, emotional sensitivity, having vivid fantasies, having specific interests, copying other people's traits, selective mutism and social isolation. I've also noticed how a lot of the things I did as a kid were possibly traits of autism, such as wanting to focus only on my interests around other children without realising that I was being quite domineering, and having a very passionate obsession with dolls (which I only got over when I was 13). 

I'm desperate to bring this up to someone, however I'm terrified that no one will take me seriously - especially my family. If the possibility of me being autistic has never occurred to my family, then maybe there is truly nothing wrong and I'm simply overreacting. This would be upsetting, to say the least, because I desperately want to have an answer. I think I should also note that I'm due to be going to university this year, and I'm even more terrified of not being able to cope with such a huge change in environment. If I can talk to someone about this issue, then there's a chance that I can get a diagnosis before I go to university and maybe have support that I've never had before (school was awful because of how misunderstood I was). 

I was hoping that maybe people on here would have some advice? Maybe people who have been through similar experiences of believing they're autistic but not knowing how to tell those closest to them? Or struggling to have their autism recognised by others? In the end, it could turn out that I'm not on the autism spectrum at all, which honestly would be disappointing because I'm adamant I have it and so many things in my life would actually make sense. But even if I don't, I just want to be able to express my thoughts and feelings about this issue without fear of being judged. 

Thanks Slight smile

Parents

  • Welcome to the forum :-) 

    I was sitting in a first year lecture at university, listening to a talk about autism, when I had a similar "aha!" moment and realised I could possibly be autistic. Like yourself, I had previously thought perhaps my difficulties were due to depression and anxiety, but really I knew there was a deeper issue present and it was a relief to have a potential answer.

    I was so scared of talking to my family too; I was worried that no-one would believe me or support me. Actually, when I raised the possibility with my mum, she agreed with me straight away and was relieved that there was a potential answer to the difficulties I'd been having. It sounds like you've really done your research and can present your reasons to your family; hopefully they can support you through all this if you decide to talk to them.

    The first GP I talked to (in the city where I was at uni) was not understanding and did not accept that I could be autistic, which upset me greatly. When I talked to my childhood GP, however, she referred me for an assessment which led to my diagnosis. Hopefully, if you talk to a GP they will help you but I just wanted to say that they do not always recognise autism in females. Like others have said, if people do not agree with the idea you may have autism, they are not necessarily right! You know yourself best.

    When I was considering getting a diagnosis, I went to the uni mental health team and they put support in place for me, even though I didn't have an official diagnosis. I think it's a great idea to start looking at what help your uni can provide; I'd advise getting in touch with them before you start your course if possible (I really struggled with how overwhelming fresher's week was, but was lucky in that I managed to make some lovely friends in my halls of residence). Are you going to be living in halls when you start uni?

    Wishing you all the best, and keep using the forum if you need to talk about anything - everyone here is super friendly and gives good advice :-)

  • in reply to PoGoAddict

    Thank you! I appreciate it. 

    I'm planning to live in a hall, yes. I'm worried that I'll struggle making friends, but now that I've heard from people who said that their uni experience was fine and they made long-lasting friendships, I'm feeling a little bit better. I'll try and get in touch with the uni when I have the chance, and see what they say. 

    I'm hoping my family will be understanding, although in the past I've found trouble trying to open up them (especially my mum) as I haven't always been taken seriously. I'm considering telling one of my closest friends first, as I think I'll find it easier to explain to her. I don't know how I'll bring the conversation up though - how did you bring your autism up to your mum, if you don't mind me asking? 

  • in reply to kcat10

    No problem! I'm happy to help.

    Halls can be a great experience, and a good place to make friends as you have so many shared experiences. And it's always nice to have your room to escape to for quiet time if things get too much!

    Talking to a close friend sounds like a really good move. When I told my mum, I found a time when we were both reasonably calm and didn't have too much going on. I'd bought Tony Atwood's guide to Asperger's syndrome book and highlighted lots of the sections I thought were relative to me. I was so nervous, I think I basically said "I think I have this condition, and this book backs me up"! She was a bit taken aback at first (she had never thought about the possibility I could be autistic) but agreed with the things I'd highlighted and actually picked up on early years identifiers that I hadn't thought about, such as the fact I started talking very early, never crawled as a baby but went straight to walking etc.

    I used to struggle quite a lot with talking to my mum. Like you, I found it difficult to open up to her and get my point across. My mum knew that I was struggling with things though and realised that a diagnosis might provide me with the help I need. Even if your family aren't sure about the idea you might have autism, I'm sure they'll want to help and support you if you feel able to tell them. I know it's a scary prospect, though!

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