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Think I'm autistic but scared to talk about it - advice?

kcat10

Hi everyone Slight smile

I'm a newbie on this website, as it only recently dawned on me that I may be on the autism spectrum. I've known from a very young age that I'm not like other people. I was definitely a weird kid, but it wasn't until I watched a video online of a woman talking about her autism as a child that I considered the fact that I may have had an underlying condition all this time, as I related to pretty much everything that she talked about. I've usually blamed social anxiety and maybe depression for the way in which I act, talk, form relationships and observe the world around me, but since watching the video I've done a lot of research into female autism and have taken numerous online tests which have all suggested I may be on the spectrum. 

I tick most boxes when it comes to social skills, masking, emotional sensitivity, having vivid fantasies, having specific interests, copying other people's traits, selective mutism and social isolation. I've also noticed how a lot of the things I did as a kid were possibly traits of autism, such as wanting to focus only on my interests around other children without realising that I was being quite domineering, and having a very passionate obsession with dolls (which I only got over when I was 13). 

I'm desperate to bring this up to someone, however I'm terrified that no one will take me seriously - especially my family. If the possibility of me being autistic has never occurred to my family, then maybe there is truly nothing wrong and I'm simply overreacting. This would be upsetting, to say the least, because I desperately want to have an answer. I think I should also note that I'm due to be going to university this year, and I'm even more terrified of not being able to cope with such a huge change in environment. If I can talk to someone about this issue, then there's a chance that I can get a diagnosis before I go to university and maybe have support that I've never had before (school was awful because of how misunderstood I was). 

I was hoping that maybe people on here would have some advice? Maybe people who have been through similar experiences of believing they're autistic but not knowing how to tell those closest to them? Or struggling to have their autism recognised by others? In the end, it could turn out that I'm not on the autism spectrum at all, which honestly would be disappointing because I'm adamant I have it and so many things in my life would actually make sense. But even if I don't, I just want to be able to express my thoughts and feelings about this issue without fear of being judged. 

Thanks Slight smile

Parents

  • Hi kcat10 - having a need to find out what makes you feel out of step is enough reason to seek an assessment. I was diagnosed with a raft of mental health illnesses at 18, have spent many many long periods in hospital, and now 50 years later at 68 I've just been diagnosed with ASD. While I have been able to achieve some of my early ambitions, there are many more that I haven't. Having found links to neuro-diversity in a book on dyspraxia that I'd bought I found too many symptoms / features to ignore. Last year I gathered all the paperwork I could (on how I respond to situations / how I react when under pressure / how I cope in social situations / etc) and took it to my GP. This is always advised, to gather as much evidence as you can to support why you would like to be referred. He referred me for assessment which finally came through last November thanks to the injection of money to the newly set up ASD Wales. Getting the diagnosis put me on a wheel of relief / anger / frustration. I say this to stress that the sooner you get your answers and support the better. As for people not believing you - well it happens especially for females. "You can't be autistic, you're so normal / you get on with people / you're successful / etc"  The fact that after being with people for even a short while, and even people you like, you'll be a weeping mess is what they never see. Or the screaming and smashing when you hit a meltdown - all done behind closed doors.

    So don't be scared. Go for it. The worst that can happen will not be as bad as not being diagnosed and not getting support. I dropped out of Uni after one term and most of my study has been done through the OU (no people!!). 

    Good luck. Be kind to yourself.

  • in reply to Gema Gymru

    I'm already beginning to write out a detailed list of all my possible symptoms and preparing for the 'You can't be autistic, you act/talk/look normal' responses. But the earlier I open up to people about this, the better. Thank you so much. 

  • in reply to kcat10

    my husband has reached the age of 54 without a diagnosis as he functions brilliantly, just some things have to be done in certain ways and some things can upset his ' sensibilities' as I refer to it.

    Its only since having our children and discovering them to be autistic that we have realised that he is too. My daughter (aged 10) acts like the average 10 year old in most ways but socially struggles in play, like you stated, she can be a bit domineering and obsessive. she is also so unobservant that it  is unreal but this could be said of many of her age group. Autism is a spectrum disorder, and the spectrum is huge. you have looked into this and have seen the traits that probably mean that you have this diagnosis, however, this does not make you any less you. it will just help you understand why you struggle with certain things. the more you (and your family and friends) learn about the condition, the more coping strategies you can put in place.

    good luck

Reply
  • in reply to kcat10

    my husband has reached the age of 54 without a diagnosis as he functions brilliantly, just some things have to be done in certain ways and some things can upset his ' sensibilities' as I refer to it.

    Its only since having our children and discovering them to be autistic that we have realised that he is too. My daughter (aged 10) acts like the average 10 year old in most ways but socially struggles in play, like you stated, she can be a bit domineering and obsessive. she is also so unobservant that it  is unreal but this could be said of many of her age group. Autism is a spectrum disorder, and the spectrum is huge. you have looked into this and have seen the traits that probably mean that you have this diagnosis, however, this does not make you any less you. it will just help you understand why you struggle with certain things. the more you (and your family and friends) learn about the condition, the more coping strategies you can put in place.

    good luck

Children
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