Dealing with anxiety

My anxiety has reached the level where it controls me again, so I have restarted medication, but also having therapy and spending time outdoors helps. It’s probably my worst symptom of finding life hard, it seeps in to everything I do and makes it hard to find enjoyment. 

Hi Cinnabar_Wing,

Thank you for reaching out to our online community.

 Sorry to hear you have been dealing with feelings of anxiety. There is a lot of great advice here already.

You may also like to have a look at the mental health section of our website which has useful links to information and advice about a range of mental health issues: https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/mental-health 

The following information may be of particular interest:  

 ·      anxiety https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/mental-health/anxiety 

If you feel that you might need some support with your mental health, you can find advice and information on how to go about seeking help, including links to other resources and details of helplines and listening support services, here: www.autism.org.uk/.../seeking-help.

I hope you find this information helpful.

 Rishma Mod

You are right, I don't have much recuperating time, so my reserves are never that deep.

Maybe if I can ease the worrying about taking up any space, it might get easier, and my spoons wouldn't have holes in them then.

I've been finding my anxiety to be up and down a lot recently (I've put that on what's been happening etc). I've still been doing all the things I do to help relax and things I enjoy. Just got to think it'll pass and get easy 

I find it hard as it nibbles away at my edges until it demands my full attention.

I do want to try and control it better though, so I will try and engage more with things people have suggested that might help. I keep thinking I can't be helped, as it feels too deeply ingrained, but if I start actually trying, I may just prove myself wrong. 

I have looked it up, and when you compare it to a few seasons of therapy it's not a terrible investment. Maybe it would provide a focus. 

It's lovely to hear that you've really managed to learn control, and that after a several years it is yielding good results. Being dedicated to it makes sense, that you need to persevere to actually have a long standing outcome that doesn't just wobble over at the first sign of stress. I've heard you speak of the benefits of Thich Nhat Hanh teachings, but I've not looked it up before. Seeing as I'm wanting to try and change something, I will research it, as I do want to help myself in some way.

If I could sit with the anxiety better, perhaps it won't rule me as much as it does at the moment.

Yes with family, I do have very little time, as I split my hours around the children. (though they are getting big now and needing me less).

I do enjoy reading, I have two on the go, a paperback and a kindle one for when I don't have the physical one with me.

I did get my daughter some camomile as she was wanting to try it. Maybe I could try replace it with the decaf coffee I have in the evening. 

I have a bit of a lack of exercise at the moment, so that is probably having a big impact. 

I think that is one of the benefits that people with dogs have -they have to get out rain or shine, where as when you don't, there never seems to be the time for it. 

I was actually a lot fitter (and probably in a better head space) when I lived in a town and walked everywhere to all the baby classes I used to take the kids to (if I'm doing something for someone else I find it much easier). Living in the country I ironically walk less now.

The youngest is trying to be fitter, which means she expects everyone to run around with her, and as much as I don't want to, she's getting me moving more so maybe it will help. They last few days they've been getting back into tennis, and I have to admit it was good to do something again, though I'm very unfit. 

Those things sound like a lovely way to help. I doodle a lot when I need to feel a bit more even actually.

Maybe doing it with the positive thinking would be good.

Why do you think you are fragile?

Are you trying to do too much, or not resting enough? Not just actual sleeping, but mental recuperation, i.e quiet time.

Are you putting yourself under too much pressure?

You may find it easier if you have more 'spoons'. I didn't think it applied to me, but I am starting to see I am more capable, more flexible and more calm when I have some resources. It feels different.

If you are always close to the edge you have little reserve. You feel better but there is no depth and you are easily tipped back into it.

The fact you managed the Totoro show shows you can do it. Just remember how it felt. You can be like that more of the time. 

Thank you, I shall look up that book by Burch & Penman. I think I'm similar that I know about mindfulness almost through the kids as their teacher did a lot of it, but I hadn't actively tried to understand it so probably not applying it the right way. It seemed more of a game the kids were playing rather than something I could apply to help me. I shall try to learn more about it.

Thank you, your message was appreciated!

Yes, I've always just tried to push it down, I suppose that's why it bubbles back up when you don't want it to as things never get dealt with. 

I do plan a lot, it helps a lot, and when I am confident in a plan it does feel much better. I really wanted to see the Totoro stage show a few years ago, but the idea of going to London was awful. But once I planned every section of it, from the trains, all the stops, to where to get food and even the street view of the walking section, I was actually able to look forward to it and it went relatively well. 

It's also really hard how quickly I can lose all the confidence I thought I had built, it seems as sturdy as a sandcastle against the sea. It doesn't seem to take much these days for it all to be washed away again.

Sadly it seems to be very true for a lot of people!

Thank you, I didn't mean to keep you up, though I did appreciate the response!

I'm intrigued by your thoughts on anxiety as a whole cultural condition and the anxiety of anxiety; what it means on a body level and what we are doing when we experience it. Further understanding at a ground level sounds like it helps!

I know it's hard, anxiety creeps up out of nowhere sometimes and then sticks around longer than you want it to, all you want to do is not be anxious all the time and be able to relax and enjoy life... Whatever that might be

Thank you so much everyone. I am trying to reply, it's just tricky, like trying to jump on to a round-about in motion.  Sometimes the anxiety mounts into such sheer panic I can't interact. But I know I can, when I can push through the pain of it, it's all good again and worth it. I do really appreciate the advice as I know I need to find a way to climb down from the panic before it gets too much.

I just wanted to mention - I recently listened to the BBC Maestro course by Owen O’Kane to help with anxiety (it’s called ‘A life less anxious’) and I thought it was really good. It’s not cheap (I bought it when it was on offer so a bit cheaper) but I thought it was definitely worth it and I found it helpful. 

To continue from my previous reply:

Working on changing your perspective towards your anxiety is a good place to start. Increasing our acceptance and tolerance of the physical sensations of anxiety so that we are less reactive to them, and don’t get caught in the cycle that often gets established of ‘getting anxious about anxiety’ - it can be a vicious circle.

I’ve tried all sorts of things over the years to try to deal with persistent anxiety issues that I’ve struggled with. I think it’s good to approach it from many angles - including fundamental stuff like getting enough sleep, regular exercise, getting outside in the sunshine and fresh air, healthy diet etc. All these things can help. The thing that’s helped me the most is Mindfulness and Buddhist teachings - which I’ve learnt from the teachings of Thich Nhat Hanh and his monastic community called ‘Plum Village’ - who have loads of free talks etc online, and a podcast called ‘The Way Out is In’. It’s also helped for me to have a better understanding of why my upbringing (in quite a dysfunctional family) contributed to my feeling not ‘safe’, and feeling insecure and sensing that I could not cope if something bad happened. Also I had childhood operations in hospital - which I think caused my health anxiety. Mindfulness has helped me to not get too caught up in the past though - and whilst I learn from what happened I now find it easier to let go of any rumination and bitterness about my past, and to be able to be more forgiving of my parents flaws and failings. Similarly Mindfulness has helped me to get less caught up in worrying about the future. 
The thing is - it takes time for things like mindfulness to really help, and I think a lot of people don’t persist with it because at first the change is slow. But I’ve found that the longer I practice a more mindful existence in my day to day life the more naturally it comes. It really does help me hugely now. I still have bad days when I’m dealing with my most triggering situations - but I recover from them more quickly, and the bad days are less frequent. I feel the improvements I’ve gained will be long lasting too. My perspective has changed. I also found Eckhart Tolle really helpful too. I’ve struggled with anxiety for about 30 years - so it was a very ingrained problem for me, but these teachings/mindfulness practices have still really worked for me. It’s been about 2-3 years since I first got into these practices - so it’s not a quick fix, but I’d recommend it to anyone. It really can help. 

A good walk, playing in the garden or curling up with a book to lose myself in, not so easy when you have a family to look after, a cup of camomile tea can help as it's naturally calming.

((hugs)) to you