Dealing with anxiety

To continue from my previous reply:

Working on changing your perspective towards your anxiety is a good place to start. Increasing our acceptance and tolerance of the physical sensations of anxiety so that we are less reactive to them, and don’t get caught in the cycle that often gets established of ‘getting anxious about anxiety’ - it can be a vicious circle.

I’ve tried all sorts of things over the years to try to deal with persistent anxiety issues that I’ve struggled with. I think it’s good to approach it from many angles - including fundamental stuff like getting enough sleep, regular exercise, getting outside in the sunshine and fresh air, healthy diet etc. All these things can help. The thing that’s helped me the most is Mindfulness and Buddhist teachings - which I’ve learnt from the teachings of Thich Nhat Hanh and his monastic community called ‘Plum Village’ - who have loads of free talks etc online, and a podcast called ‘The Way Out is In’. It’s also helped for me to have a better understanding of why my upbringing (in quite a dysfunctional family) contributed to my feeling not ‘safe’, and feeling insecure and sensing that I could not cope if something bad happened. Also I had childhood operations in hospital - which I think caused my health anxiety. Mindfulness has helped me to not get too caught up in the past though - and whilst I learn from what happened I now find it easier to let go of any rumination and bitterness about my past, and to be able to be more forgiving of my parents flaws and failings. Similarly Mindfulness has helped me to get less caught up in worrying about the future. 
The thing is - it takes time for things like mindfulness to really help, and I think a lot of people don’t persist with it because at first the change is slow. But I’ve found that the longer I practice a more mindful existence in my day to day life the more naturally it comes. It really does help me hugely now. I still have bad days when I’m dealing with my most triggering situations - but I recover from them more quickly, and the bad days are less frequent. I feel the improvements I’ve gained will be long lasting too. My perspective has changed. I also found Eckhart Tolle really helpful too. I’ve struggled with anxiety for about 30 years - so it was a very ingrained problem for me, but these teachings/mindfulness practices have still really worked for me. It’s been about 2-3 years since I first got into these practices - so it’s not a quick fix, but I’d recommend it to anyone. It really can help. 

It's lovely to hear that you've really managed to learn control, and that after a several years it is yielding good results. Being dedicated to it makes sense, that you need to persevere to actually have a long standing outcome that doesn't just wobble over at the first sign of stress. I've heard you speak of the benefits of Thich Nhat Hanh teachings, but I've not looked it up before. Seeing as I'm wanting to try and change something, I will research it, as I do want to help myself in some way.

If I could sit with the anxiety better, perhaps it won't rule me as much as it does at the moment.

It's lovely to hear that you've really managed to learn control, and that after a several years it is yielding good results. Being dedicated to it makes sense, that you need to persevere to actually have a long standing outcome that doesn't just wobble over at the first sign of stress. I've heard you speak of the benefits of Thich Nhat Hanh teachings, but I've not looked it up before. Seeing as I'm wanting to try and change something, I will research it, as I do want to help myself in some way.

If I could sit with the anxiety better, perhaps it won't rule me as much as it does at the moment.

Here is the link : youtu.be/pZPDpqKUzmw

Yes - I’ve seen things about the monastery in Scotland - I’d love to visit one day (although it would be a massively long journey from where I live unfortunately). The reason why I tend towards Thich Nhat Hanh/Plum Village is because it’s taught in a way that seems more accessible to me. It’s not too heavy on complex teachings about the history of Buddhism etc, it’s very straightforward and easy to understand, easily accessible online through free platforms like YouTube etc. One of the main teachers was recently on the Chris Evans Breakfast Radio show on Virgin Radio - that’s how accessible it is! If you go on YouTube and search: ‘Chris Evans Brother Phap Huu ‘ you will find the interview they did on Virgin Radio - it’s a lovely interview and a really good introduction to the vibe of Plum Village. It’s not heavy or super complex - it’s beautifully accessible:) 

Trying to talk down from catastrophising sounds like a good goal.

I'll try watching/listening, it sounds like a good way into trying it. I've checked it out and I think I can listen to the podcast on my usual listening platform.

Side note: I know Thich Naht Hahn's bio said Vietnamese Buddhist (I don't know if there is a difference), but there is a Tibetan Buddhist monastery in the Scottish Borders that's meant to be quite lovely. And I was surprised to find out another mum from a kid that used to be at the school is actually a Buddhist meditation teacher. It's funny you tend to learn things about people after they have moved away!

In a weird kind of way it’s more about NOT having ‘control’. It’s the trying to protect ourselves by having control in some way that often causes more anxiety. Accepting that we don’t have control is a part of reducing anxiety. Trying to subtly change our mindset to one of ‘letting go’ of being so careful and vigilant all the time, and to reducing our habit of trying to predict ‘dangers’ and trying to protect ourselves from them - this attitude of ‘surrender’ to what life might bring - this is more of a helpful mindset to reduce anxiety. And increased awareness - for example I always assume ‘the worst will happen’ (I think because of childhood experiences possibly) - so now when I find myself catastrophizing I stop myself and say to myself (words to the effect of) : “you’re doing this again, it’s your anxiety kicking in, and you cannot possibly know what’s going to happen, you’re just thinking the worst like you habitually do - but it might actually turn out to be perfectly fine, and is just as likely to go well as badly. And anyway you’ve coped and survived in the past, and you cope and survive again” etc etc etc. I basically say to myself what I would say to a friend if it was happening to them. 
But also mindfulness helps you to get into the good habit of living in the present moment rather than always projecting into the future and ‘what might happen’ - and also not dwelling too much in the past either as ruminating on the past doesn’t help either. It takes time to develop mindfulness - but I’ve found it really does help. 
Re. Thich Nhat Hanh - I know I keep going on about him a lot on here (!) - but the reason is because when I was at my absolute lowest and had given up all hope of being happy or at peace again it was those teachings that gradually lifted me out of such a dark place. 
I’d always had health anxiety due to being in hospital a lot as a child. And then about three years ago I had a life threatening illness and spent a lot of time in hospital and really thought I was going to die. And when I came out of hospital I was the lowest I’d ever been and absolutely terrified of getting ill again, and of dying, or whether I’d ever be well again and so on. I’d bought a Thich Nhat Hanh book years earlier and never actually read it. I was too exhausted to read it so I bought an audiobook of talks by him and started listening to it in bed at night (I was struggling to sleep). He is a great communicator - his way of speaking and explaining Buddhist philosophy is super accessible. I recommend listening to him give talks rather than reading the books - because somehow it’s much more effective. It’s time consuming, and it takes time to really ‘work’ - because in many ways Buddhist philosophy is the opposite of a western capitalist mindset. We often think it’s just us that are ‘broken’ - but in actual fact a lot of what causes us problems and anxiety are actually connected to the collective mindset of growing up in this culture and environment, and the way we’re encouraged to see things. There’s a phrase ‘it is our mind that creates this world’ - and our mind is something that is shaped by multiple factors - by our culture, our environment, our experience, our religion. Nothing is fixed - everything is fluid and changing. We feel ‘stuck’ with our anxiety - but with time we can change how we think. Scientists describe the mind as ‘plastic’ - because it’s surprisingly easy to manipulate and it’s also unreliable. You’re walking in the woods in semi darkness and you think you see a snake - and you scream - but then your eyes adjust to the darkness and you see it’s just a piece of rope. Your mind really did think it was a snake - and in that moment - in your mind and your bodily response - it WAS  a snake. Our mind is often unreliable. Things are often very different to the way we perceive them. We enter a room full of people and we feel very anxious because on some level we feel ‘unsafe’. But all those people might be perfectly lovely and friendly, and our anxiety is a completely wrong perception of how things truly are.