Dealing with anxiety

I don't think you can ever escape it fully, although its managable. I really like spending time on my own. Spending much time on my own is how I do that mostly because I find other (unfamiliar) people around trigger (or attempt to trigger for their amusement) those things which might cause distress to others. That said I am largely unphased by other people. Really anxiety can manifest from anywhere and its generally not based on reality, in the same way that a stress response may be triggered at a time when you need it. Anxiety often lingers when you least need it, so can affect situations when you need to perform. It also blends with other symptoms of distress or discomfort. But really ally you have to do is relax a bit and not think worrying thoughts - easier said than done.

Thank you Lonehare12 , that's very kind and I hadn't thought of that before. I tend not to tell anyone about it, so you're setting an amazingly brave example by letting people know. It's sad when it's ignored, but glad you are being noticed by some and hopefully getting some support and encouragement. 

Do let us know how you get on, and that's a good idea that when it's a lot, just focusing on not too far ahead sounds very wise!

HiCinnabar_wing I’m sorry to hear about this.

I think anxiety goes with the territory sadly and we do carry it quietly which I feel is where I want to change things I think the more the people around us know about our struggles the better it will be for us.

I am trying this and it is getting ignored by some people but not everyone. I do mainly try to help myself by just concentrating on the next 24 hours and trying no to worry too much about anything other than that.

Hope things settle a bit for you soon.

Blanket to cuddle sounds lovely

I'm having that sort of day too. And yesterday. A blanket and table sound nice.

I don't suppose hiding under a table with a blanket over me counts as dealing with it, but it's how I feel today.

Here is the link : youtu.be/pZPDpqKUzmw

Yes - I’ve seen things about the monastery in Scotland - I’d love to visit one day (although it would be a massively long journey from where I live unfortunately). The reason why I tend towards Thich Nhat Hanh/Plum Village is because it’s taught in a way that seems more accessible to me. It’s not too heavy on complex teachings about the history of Buddhism etc, it’s very straightforward and easy to understand, easily accessible online through free platforms like YouTube etc. One of the main teachers was recently on the Chris Evans Breakfast Radio show on Virgin Radio - that’s how accessible it is! If you go on YouTube and search: ‘Chris Evans Brother Phap Huu ‘ you will find the interview they did on Virgin Radio - it’s a lovely interview and a really good introduction to the vibe of Plum Village. It’s not heavy or super complex - it’s beautifully accessible:) 

It really does seem to help - and is easy to do too

Thank you, they sound like very useful tips to try out, which is much better than letting is build! Much appreciated!

Thank you, I did read the article.

Trying to talk down from catastrophising sounds like a good goal.

I'll try watching/listening, it sounds like a good way into trying it. I've checked it out and I think I can listen to the podcast on my usual listening platform.

Side note: I know Thich Naht Hahn's bio said Vietnamese Buddhist (I don't know if there is a difference), but there is a Tibetan Buddhist monastery in the Scottish Borders that's meant to be quite lovely. And I was surprised to find out another mum from a kid that used to be at the school is actually a Buddhist meditation teacher. It's funny you tend to learn things about people after they have moved away!

I saw you can sign up for a sample lesson, so I'll try it out certainly!

I hadn't heard of this, so will give it a go. Like you said, having different things to try sounds like a good thing!

In a weird kind of way it’s more about NOT having ‘control’. It’s the trying to protect ourselves by having control in some way that often causes more anxiety. Accepting that we don’t have control is a part of reducing anxiety. Trying to subtly change our mindset to one of ‘letting go’ of being so careful and vigilant all the time, and to reducing our habit of trying to predict ‘dangers’ and trying to protect ourselves from them - this attitude of ‘surrender’ to what life might bring - this is more of a helpful mindset to reduce anxiety. And increased awareness - for example I always assume ‘the worst will happen’ (I think because of childhood experiences possibly) - so now when I find myself catastrophizing I stop myself and say to myself (words to the effect of) : “you’re doing this again, it’s your anxiety kicking in, and you cannot possibly know what’s going to happen, you’re just thinking the worst like you habitually do - but it might actually turn out to be perfectly fine, and is just as likely to go well as badly. And anyway you’ve coped and survived in the past, and you cope and survive again” etc etc etc. I basically say to myself what I would say to a friend if it was happening to them. 
But also mindfulness helps you to get into the good habit of living in the present moment rather than always projecting into the future and ‘what might happen’ - and also not dwelling too much in the past either as ruminating on the past doesn’t help either. It takes time to develop mindfulness - but I’ve found it really does help. 
Re. Thich Nhat Hanh - I know I keep going on about him a lot on here (!) - but the reason is because when I was at my absolute lowest and had given up all hope of being happy or at peace again it was those teachings that gradually lifted me out of such a dark place. 
I’d always had health anxiety due to being in hospital a lot as a child. And then about three years ago I had a life threatening illness and spent a lot of time in hospital and really thought I was going to die. And when I came out of hospital I was the lowest I’d ever been and absolutely terrified of getting ill again, and of dying, or whether I’d ever be well again and so on. I’d bought a Thich Nhat Hanh book years earlier and never actually read it. I was too exhausted to read it so I bought an audiobook of talks by him and started listening to it in bed at night (I was struggling to sleep). He is a great communicator - his way of speaking and explaining Buddhist philosophy is super accessible. I recommend listening to him give talks rather than reading the books - because somehow it’s much more effective. It’s time consuming, and it takes time to really ‘work’ - because in many ways Buddhist philosophy is the opposite of a western capitalist mindset. We often think it’s just us that are ‘broken’ - but in actual fact a lot of what causes us problems and anxiety are actually connected to the collective mindset of growing up in this culture and environment, and the way we’re encouraged to see things. There’s a phrase ‘it is our mind that creates this world’ - and our mind is something that is shaped by multiple factors - by our culture, our environment, our experience, our religion. Nothing is fixed - everything is fluid and changing. We feel ‘stuck’ with our anxiety - but with time we can change how we think. Scientists describe the mind as ‘plastic’ - because it’s surprisingly easy to manipulate and it’s also unreliable. You’re walking in the woods in semi darkness and you think you see a snake - and you scream - but then your eyes adjust to the darkness and you see it’s just a piece of rope. Your mind really did think it was a snake - and in that moment - in your mind and your bodily response - it WAS  a snake. Our mind is often unreliable. Things are often very different to the way we perceive them. We enter a room full of people and we feel very anxious because on some level we feel ‘unsafe’. But all those people might be perfectly lovely and friendly, and our anxiety is a completely wrong perception of how things truly are. 

I found it really helpful. He did this thing where he asks you to close your eyes and visualise your anxiety and what it looks like. And then you do the rest of the course, and then towards the end of the course you do it again - and I was surprised by how my visualisation of my anxiety had changed in a very significant way as a result of doing the course. It helped me to have more awareness and to slightly change my perspective on aspects of it. I’ve found that there’s no ‘one answer’ to dealing with anxiety - the more angles you take on trying to understand it the better. I think being very kind to yourself is important too - so that we don’t blame ourselves for struggling. Being a sensitive human in this crazy world is not easy - it’s no wonder we get anxious. 

Have you tried that breathing technique where you breathe in twice - and then one slow breath out? I find that quite helpful if I’m feeling a bit panicky. I think the two consecutive breaths in are through the nose - and you breathe out through the mouth. There’s videos on YouTube about this. I find it helpful. I find just going outside into the fresh air really helpful too - especially if it’s cold outside. 

Hello, for me ive found anxiety is created in the body through the nervous system and then it moves to the mind.  I find somatic practices really helpful to shift the nervous system out of sympathetic state - thing i like are shaking the body, tapping, eg at the collarbone is really good, putting cold water at back of neck, lying on floor with legs up wall, breath work especially alternate nostril breathing. All these things help me, just sharing incase useful. 

Yeah, that is tough. I tried to do a thing last week, and I got so nervous I couldn't stop my hands shaking. 

I would like to aim to control that better, as you said it isn't great when everything is making you nervous. It can be quite tiring!

I hope you can get back in control of it soon.