Suicide post

Dear NAS70780

We’re really sorry to hear how upsetting this has been for you. We want to reassure you and others in the community that the automated message you received does not reflect our view of you or your post.

Unfortunately, the platform currently uses standard wording when content is flagged, including the term “abusive,” which is inappropriate and hurtful. This is even more so when like you, you write a post when you are at your most vulnerable. We are actively working to change this wording and improve how these notifications are handled as explained here.

Because of what you have told us here, we have changed our guidance to users on how to let us know when they are concerned about someone’s safety or wellbeing. Instead of using the “Flag to moderator” feature to let the moderation team know, we now ask users to email us directly at CommunityManager@nas.org.uk.

Kind regards

Sharon Mod

In many GPs you can "book a double appointment"; it does help some to explain more complex problems. It may take a bit longer though. 

GPs can also assess your fitness to work, and if you are unfit, and decide to claim benefits, it may ease some pressure off you. (This is best discussed with Citizens Advice imho.)

Bunny thank you for your honesty, it was a real hurt moment to receive the message, I have over the years just battled along with my diagnosis, for 30 years i suffered it without a label, and coped with self hating so I thought now that I had a label for my diagnosis I will just continue, recognize my symptoms and manage my environment, but I think recognising ones symptoms and managing the environment is often difficult to do, especially when you have no control of the environment, so over the 10 years, my life has shrunk, did not have children as I couldn't cope with functioning with society, limited my career as I couldn't cope with people interaction, just simply cut away all aspirations to the point where I look back and think what a waste of life and the future is still long, I'm unbelievably tired that would it be so wrong if I don't do anything for 5 years, would I continue regretting a wasted life, I hate to complain, I try to show gratitude and was writing three things that I am grateful for. It was usually my cats returned home, brushed my teeth and I got changed, they were mainly the same form of gratitudes and it just makes me sad. I know I am more fortunate than others as my diagnosis came along when I was 30, after I had completed my degrees and that I should feel very grateful that I didnt have a label attached to me when I was younger, as I believe this would have hindered my education, yet having the label hasn't helped, its just bought to the surface I am a square peg trying to fit in a round hole, but this square peg doesn't want to fit in a round hole anymore, and I don't want to chip the corners of my square to fit in, as thats where I differ, with values, honestly and sincerity and its these ingredients that I like about myself, so where do people like me go, many just exit as there isn't a place for us to belong and be useful to society, is it okay to just simply exist and be useful to ourself to simply function, to reduce our aspiration and talented gifts to simply stay alive and function, perhaps that's my purpose and nothing else, and its this that makes me despair. 

I need to find the strength to see the gp, I have been meaning to do this for a while, but I can only get a ten minute appointment, and I simply don't know where to start. Alternatively I can see if there is private help, but I would rather speak to an autism specialist. I just feel if I talk to anyone else, I have to explain what I am thinking and then the emotion, yet here like I am doing now it appears you all understand and that I'm not suffering from madness (as it appears you too have experienced similar severity of suffering). Equally with managing financial i cannot afford to swap and change professional help, and the idea of finding a suitable counselor and the work involves, just makes me want to curl up and just fade.

Reply thank you. I am deeply hurt and feeling very helpless, I have over the years built resilience but I cannot seem to come out of it, I was bullied out of work yet again (I'm highly competent in my field) but unable to do all the extra social aspects that makes one a success, so I have been out of employment for a year, it will be a year in the next few months, I have no desire to return. I am simply burnt out. I have hobbies, but have no desire to do anything, yet I require structure to function. I have been trying, getting out of bed at 6am, doing some tidying up, reading, trying to regulate my eating habits, routinely attending to my cats, which provides structure, but I honestly feel superfluous to society. I am not claiming benefits as I am relying on my savings to twindle and just about coping financially, but its hard, life is hard, if there is a knock on the door or the post fall, I simply do not want to open the door, open the post, open emails, I don't want to encounter people. I think I'm done, I'm done with life, I have no purpose and if I am perfectly honest my cats are the only thing that achor me, as I worry whether others would take good care of them as I, and I wouldn't want the cats to look for me, both love me and I them, they have always been my world, they regulate my anxiety but I am struggling mentally that I can only just about to cope feeding them in the evening and once in the evening, which just about meets their needs, their food is on prescription and gets delivered, so I don't have to plan and navigate outside. I have tried to simplify my life at a cost, because prescription and not working are costly, but equally essential for my mental being. The only way I can shut the inner voice is taking an afternoon nap, and I escape my reality. Opening up like this is scary, I know I need help, but I'm scared when I vocalize my inner thoughts that we will unravel the seriousness of my mental health and it worries me, that if I put a lid on it, I can sometimes curtail it, but there are moments when I think I may do something unexpectedly and take my own life, simply because I thought I could curtail my emotions. I wish there was more help for us, guidance, or just another one of me, us, where we could sit in silence and appreciate this is the mind of Autism and learn to find comfort in it, silently.

I'm so sorry that you're feeling this way - and, to make matters worse, that the forum's standard template message (advising that your post was deemed "abusive") has caused upset.

Please know that the opposite actually applies: I, along with another person (two reports moves a post to the moderation queue), reported your post only because I am concerned for your well-being and supportive of your needs. Please accept my apologies for the unintended negative consequence.

Besides using the report tool to flag abusive content, the community rules here also encourage us to report posts that are worrying or concerning.

Reporting such posts ensures they're seen by the moderation team, who can then help by responding with appropriate support information - which I see they've now done.

Over time, many members here have been caused undue upset by this forum's standard templates for alerts / notifications and emails. In July, I emailed the moderation team to advise how they can change the wording, including to remove any references to "abuse". I'm sorry to hear that this hasn't happened yet.

NAS70780 as of now, I think your post's ban was undone, and it is in the main list of posts. 

And lastly, do you have access to a psychologist? Mine -but I was lucky- has helped me incredibly.

I don't agree with the removal, and just want to voice my support to you.

I was writing my reply while it got removed. I hope it is fine to still add what I remember of it. The questions I had were (I may edit them if I can remember more):

1. Was I reading correctly that you feel useless, and demotivated? Maybe because of the previous work experiences (like a PhD, I think you mentioned) ?

2. Is there any external pressure that you could lift off your shoulders, that would make things easier? Won't fix things, but can make them less bad, as a starting point.

3. Do you have any hobbies that you feel like doing even now?