Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello,
I have been with my partner for 10 years now and he is currently waiting for an autism diagnosis.
Throughout our relationship he has really struggled in work and often asked to leave but no explanation as to why (mainly agency work). I love him dearly but I feel I am walking constantly on egg shells, yesterday he came home and had a meltdown after being told he has to have his timesheet signed by the manager at the end of his shift. I tried to be calm and let him have his space but he came upstairs to where I was and threw a cup across the room and continously banged his head against the wall saying he can't be around people.
I feel at a loss how to help him, he told his employers he may possibly have autism and I have encouraged him to join this forum but he's not interested. As I said I love him very much but it is now affecting my mental health. Does anyone know if there are medications to reduce the meltdowns? I'm in a dilemma whether I can carry on this relationship, but he tells me if I ask him to leave he will end it all. He has no other family, friends or anywhere to live.
Sorry for the rant but if anyone has been in a similar situation I would appreciate some advice.
NAS79234 said:Thank you, much appreciated :)
You're most welcome!
NAS79234 said:he has tried a few but a lot made him feel exhausted. Do you know any with not too many side effects?
We're not allowed to give medical advice here (rule 13), so I didn't recommend any specific antidepressants or other medications.
But if your partner is currently without medications - or doesn't feel that any current medications are helping enough, or feels that he's experiencing issues with side-effects - then I'd definitely recommend that he talks to his GP again, to explore other options.
If appropriate (eg if they've already tried everything within their armoury), they may also refer him to secondary care, who - in my area, for example - have additional prescribing options.
Medication efficacy and side effects can vary hugely from person to person, so it's really best to rely on professional advice rather than anecdotal feedback (which is what I'd say even if it wasn't a rule here).
No problem
Thank you :)
Yeh I am on fluoxetine it’s quite good. I heard about an antidepressant recently which can treat severe anxiety and major depressive disorders- it’s called tianeptine.
Thank you, much appreciated :)
Thank you, he has tried a few but a lot made him feel exhausted. Do you know any with not too many side effects?
Yellow tree 118 said:I also knew a guy with autism who would slap himself across the face if he did something he believed to be wrong. How do we explain this behaviour?
The "self-injurious behaviour" link that I posted earlier in this thread refers.
I also knew a guy with autism who would slap himself across the face if he did something he believed to be wrong. How do we explain this behaviour? I think it’s a low self esteem/confidence thing tbh.
Part 2 of 2
Apologies for splitting my reply, but including too many links within a single post can incur the wrath of the automatic spam filters! :)
Although your partner doesn't yet have a diagnosis, his employer still has duty under law to provide reasonable adjustments for him. This article explains more and provides several links to further sources of information:
NAS - Support at work - a guide for autistic people
In respect of improving understanding and communication between you - including helping you to decide whether there is a viable future for your relationship - you might (both) find this book helpful, perhaps alongside therapy or counselling either individually or as a couple:
Amazon - Loving Someone with Aspeger'ss Syndrome: Understanding and Connecting with your Partner
Antidepressants might help. SSRIs are good. Help with depression and anxiety. They’re the only ones I know can help meltdowns.
Hi and welcome to the community.
Part 1 of 2:
I'm so sorry to hear of your and your partner's struggles.
Unfortunately, there is no medication for reducing meltdowns (just as there are no medications for autism itself). Meltdowns happen when we become completely overwhelmed. The NAS has helpful information about them here, including advice on anticipating and preventing them, identifying causes, minimising triggers and more.
NAS - Meltdowns
There's also a separate article about self-injurious behaviour, which you might also find helpful. This includes such things as banging one's head against a wall:
NAS - Self-injurious behaviour
As a result of our difficulties, many autistic people struggle with mental health issues. In this area, your partner's GP may be able to offer support in the way of - for example - medication (eg anti-depressants) and/or therapy or counselling. Again, there's a great article about that here:
NAS - Depression