Is it burnout?

It might be worth asking your GP to check your vitamin B12 and folate levels (along with exploring anything else that they might consider relevant in respect of potential physical causes).

Extreme tiredness / fatigue is a common symptom of deficiency in each of them, and your levels could easily be checked via a GP-arranged blood test.

More info: https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/vitamin-b12-or-folate-deficiency-anaemia/

Sounds like he dosen't understand what therapy is for and that he has a very mechanistic idea of how people work, therapy isn't like mending a car or even a broken leg, there's no "better" as in cured, a return to a previous state of wellness. Therapy is there to help you sort your life out and make changes and sort out the wood from the trees and a therapists job is to ask if an issue is wood or a tree and help you decide. It's probably this mechanistic view that makes him '..stay away from mental health professionals..' I think he's probably afraid that if he sees a therapist of any kind then he will get "mental health cooties" and he will change from being a well person to be somehow tainted and everyone will know just by lookiing at him that he's seen a therapist.

Indulging a child is a problem children need to learn to cope with No. They need to learn boundaries, this is essential for their healthy development. It does sound like he's trying to play you and your child off against each other, you get to be the bad girl, sent to her room, isolated and alone, whilst the child gets to sit at the table and eat dinner being "good for Daddy". This is not good for either you or your child, nor is the fact that he will not engage with your autism at any level.

If it were me I'd be seeing what my options are, I'd see a solicitor about how things would work in the event of divorce, because by the sounds of it he will kick up a fuss and you need to know exactly what your rights are and what you can reasonable expect. Also start seeing a relationship counsellor, by yourself to help you navigate where you are in this and what you want to do going forward and help you find some strategies to cope.

Thank you for your advice. Looks like now a “only me” time is in a big deficit so there is not much I can do. I also don’t start doing my favorite thing if I know I’ll be interrupted after few minutes. Otherwise I have several ideas what to do 

I asked him for couple therapy, I also suggested that we go together to a psychologist to solve his issue with being too soft (allowing our daughter everything what she wants) and his answer was he stays away from mental health professionals, he has no problems unlike me so he does not need it and he does not trust them. This was his answer. He has no will to read even one article about autism to educate himself a bit and for sure forgot what I told him. As for the mental health professionals, yeah sometimes they suck, but there are good ones too. 

Here I’m also a bit confused, whenever he sees me doing my “weird” things he comments that the therapist didn’t help me, because I’m still doing it. But when recently I asked him if he thinks I’m normal or somehow disabled, he said, that I can’t be disabled because I graduated and I’ve got a job and I’m intelligent so what disability I’m talking about. He also said that I should just relax, stop worrying, thinking too much, getting angry or whiny over nothing and stop finding problems where there are none. Then everything will be fine. 

I’ve had similar responses from family, it’s very much, “well you never used to have autism.”  Your husband has only known the person he thought you was. That’s still no excuse for being treated badly.

You are right, having a child has changed everything, it will get better once your child has started nursery or school. You will get your quiet time back.

You have done really well, working, bringing up a child and running a household is no easy task, add autism into the equation and it’s not hard to see why you’re struggling with it all. Your husband does really need to engage. He may find the thought of paying for two homes changes his mind, add co parenting, working and obviously the thought of losing you, he may start to engage. I found my saviour was being a lone worker, I also reduced my hours. That gave me quiet time and also not having to engage with other people. 
Burnout does often happen after realisation, it starts as elation for finally putting all the pieces together and then the constant processing starts to take its toll. I thought about and learnt about autism 24/7. I lost interest in everything else, it became I suppose a new special interest. I flip flop between weeks of insomnia to sleeping constantly, permanently tired either way. 

I agree with Autisician about asking him how he'd behave if you had no legs or something he could see. Maybe he needs someone like a doctor or therapist to really explain this to him and that you're not doing it to be difficult and you can no more change autism than you can your eye colour.

You need to have that time to decompress, if people aren't letting you do that without making you feel bad for it, then it's worse as you won't be able to relax.

He shouldn't be bullying you, which is what's happening if you're getting the silent treatment just for looking after your specific needs. Ask him if he'd behave the same with someone who has no legs that didn't walk when he wanted them to. It's no different. Hidden disability is no less real.

Above all, take care of yourself 

I Hope we will Not Split up, I’m not hiding anything from him, I told him I’m autistic as soon as I got the information from my therapist and psychiatrist and I explained to him why I’m this way, but he seems to have poor memory or maybe not paying much attention. I. Case if we split up of course I will never give up on my daughter, we will co-parent. And as you say: noisy toys to daddy! He seems to even enjoy them :D 

Dear Alienatedhuman, 

We are sorry to hear that you feel tired with life and have little or no energy. You may find our resources on autistic fatigue and burnout helpful. They provide more information on how autistic fatigue and burnout can affect autistic people and what you can do to help https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/mental-health/autistic-fatigue

Kind Regards,

Rosie Mod 

Ah, I understand that, I felt much the same, neither of you knew yourselves fully before you became parents, no one does. How old is the child? It will get easier as they grow up.

But as for your husband, I still feel what I said before applies, he needs to grow up and start understanding you, so try for couples therapy, if you do split up don't be bullied into giving up your child, go for co-parenting. Do what I did and give the kids noisy toys to take to keep at Dads house and keep the quiet ones at yours.

Problem is that when the child appeared the problems arose. I always had my only me time when he was out. And I had no issues with noise because there was silence. There was no coffee machine, there were no Duplo blocks, playing or squeaking toys, screams etc. noises such as doing dishes twice a day  or vacuuming once a week were acceptable. Now it’s a constant noise at home which makes me even more exhausted and overwhelmed if I don’t cover my ears. Even with covers sometimes it’s too much. So yeah, I can somehow say… he did not know me fully. I also did not know myself. I knew I hate noise but somehow didn’t think about it, was not aware that this might be the issue. 
now I’m just tired of everything and want to hibernate. 

Give him an ultimatum, go to couples therapy with you or f**k off. Hi anger is his problem, did he not know you when he married you? Did he think that putting a ring on your finger was going to make you magically different?

Maybe you need to take time off from work and just rest for a while?

Hope things get better for you soon.

Maybe you are experiencing the 'freeze' response to stress/trauma? Might be worth looking into.

Thank you, yes the alone time is what I need even more recently. Sadly my husband is punishing me for that by ghosting me. He does not speak to me when we are together, does not want me to eat with him and our daughter. It’s a silent treatment from him as a punishment for me wanting to be alone for some time everyday. And it doesn’t matter that I care for my family, cook for them, clean at home, also manage some time for them. He is angry that I’m who I am. I feel like it’s a straight path to divorce. I also don’t find being alone wrong or unhealthy, but unfortunately there are people who do and they see it as a problem. 

Good concept.

When I feed my mind belly too much "spicy food" I do have to take "time out" from my mental gluttony. 

Some people are "picky eaters" and my "diet" my mind belly routinely puts away can be toxic to them I already know...

Yeah, that's a good little metaphor that one. 

This brings me back to thhinking how much I really want a doctor who will work my problems with me (when I get them) rather than imposing his best guess on me as if it were the word of god.

Well correlation is definitely NOT causation, BUT the lethargy and tinnitus seem to have appeared simultaneously at the same time.

I will mention as a data point (which on it's own means NOTHING) my onset of lethargy and tinnitus conincided with the time that they finally got the local 5g mast to work after an extended period of bad luck it was experiencing where it seemed to get into repeated collisions with passing traffic. 

I've been monitoring and analying the "5G is bad and will make us ill" conspiracy theory for a while now, and a lot of what I have read, heard or seen is a load of "bollardooloo", or just plain wirng, and based on a misunderstanding of the technicalities of how it works, etc.

BUT. If the thread fills up with people saying "I've got tinnitus and lethargy and it seems to coincide with us getting the new mast at the end of the road" then I will pull my finger out, and put the last wall up which will complete the faraday cage* in the garden, that I've been assembling for a different purpose, and do some "testing". 

It's nothng to do with the Vaxx as I didn't have any of that, (And vaccinations did not give me my Autism either, because I presenetd the signs (I can see retrospectively, a long time before I had any vaccinations) 

So if it's not 5g (and it isn't until this thread fills up with people saying that they also got tinnitus and lethargy conincidentaly with their local mast going up/gettng fixed) and it's not the vax, do you think we might have simple depression?

I've had attacks of acute "go to the doctor and get it fixed" levels of depression since I was 13 until expermenting with research chemicals (A.K.A. taking newly synthesised recreational drugs that weren't yet illegal to see what they did to me) seemed to accidentally fix that, in 2011, and my diiagnosis in 2019 seemed to have completed my recovery, BUT I've got this whole letahrgy amotivational thing going on combined with the tinnitus and that IS new to me.. 

I think needing alone time is normal, I think you need to diferentiate between loneliness and alone, the former can be quite damaging to a persons sense of self and mental well being, whereas wanting to be alone is totally different, its a state of not wanting outside input. We live in a world that values and in my opinion overvalues constant contact with others, we're surrounded by data and encouraged to consume ever more of it. Therapists often don't help with the ned for alone time, they call it self isolation and see it as bad, rather than just having space and the need to renew ones batteries.

When I was counselling, I used to go on silent retreat at least once a year and I could see my collegues struggle with this, I could see the questions floating around their heads, 'is this OK', 'should I challenge this', what about the spiritual aspects, is this something I should support and encourage'? I could also see them flumoxed by my answer of why I felt the need to do them and then the dawning of understanding, I chose silence not because I didn't want to talk to people, but because I didn't want to listen to them.

In some novels I read, I came across the concept of a mind belly and humans needing to thoughts, logic and inquiry, etc to feed their mind bellies rather than act instinctively and from age old customs. I loved this idea of a mind belly, my mind belly is often hungry, but give it the wrong "food" and it gets indigestion just as much as my belly belly does, I get a kind of constipation of the mind belly and the only way to shift it is to zob out whilst it all slowly digests and gradually passes.

Just allow your mind belly to deal with this constipation and then you'll come back to yourself and your life. Just as constipation of the belly belly with leave you feeling bloated and toxic so does constipation of the mind belly. Maybe use the concept of the mind belly to explain to others your needs and ask them what their mind belly like to eat?

I have tinnitus since I ever remember, I remember it from my childhood and only recently found out what is this and that it’s actually not normal. Yes I do, have it. 

I've beeen struggling with exactly the same thing, for over a year now and been tryng to work out if it is an artifact of advancing age or even depression.

Do you have tinnitus by any chance? I've had a LOT of that over the last year, and normally only get it when I am ill.

Until I had a flu in march this year I have not been ill since before COVID-19.so the tinnitus has been really odd and out of place for me...