Published on 12, July, 2020
Also prompted by some of the nicer and more innocent posters asking "why?" both in public and also by P.M.
And yes, also hoping that by exploring this issue we can find a way of understanding and managing these issues, and making the forum work better for all, both old and young, Woke or based male or female, traditional or progressive etc..
I've mentioned it before, and it bears repeating: I have NEVER had as much "trouble" on the internet as I have had here, and I've been to some pretty contentious places, let me tell you!
I suggest, and would like help in the form of disagreement or agreement, that this is a facet of Autism.
In plain english, Autism leads us to have bad days where we see argument or opposition where none actually exists.
We have have had that in a previous encounter with that person and situation, and the "once bitten twice shy" situation then immediatly seems to kick in HARD.
That is my own personal expererience, and after discussing it at some length with my Sprog, who now actually works in MH and is ND we believe this is an artifact of the well known Auitistic "pattern recoognition" SUPERIORITY over the NT masses.
Yellow Tree however, specifically mentioned two issues that prompted his departure, and whilst it would be easy (and possibly correct) to see those as his personal issues and none of my business, he specifcially mentioned his own "Woke" beliefs and "60 year old members of this site" as being an issue for him, which does make it my business, FI I am concerned about "ageism" (which I have been since I was about 12 years old and started doing sponsoered walks for "help the aged" etc.) and also because his break with the community was seemingly triggered by a post I made.
A post which I made at the time with my heart singing with joy, as it seemed Yellow Tree had expressed a concept I'm trying to sell very hard these days "Reject the sin but not the sinner".
What then seemed to happen, is that YT (I hope the obvious abbreviation is O.K.) Read my post, saw an entirely different attitude being expressed to what I was holding, and went with that. My attempt to explain my self only seemed to make matters worse.
It became obvious to me before Debbie articulated it, (correctly) that if I merely shut up and stop participating, less people would be motivated to leave this site.
A less drastic position would seem to be, If I were to simply "modify my conduct better in order to fit in", but for some reason, (perhaps described in teh cenrtal word of this websites banner) that course of action seems to be harder than just walking away, or perhaps just retreating to the echo chamber of my inbox?
Over to to you guys, but one more thing:
JUST here, just now, in this thread only please obey this rule: As soon as you feel inclined to write a passionate post from the hip, do it by all means, but make sure you keep it safe adn ready to post, but sleep on it (literally) before htting send.
I think this is a serious and diffciult enough topic that it will take a day or two before the community works out a way that we can stem the flow of otherwise rational and valuable posters form this site. So there isn't a race to post before obscurity sets in. I'll bump it myself at least over the weekend if replies are sparse.
I have asked for a second opinion both from the wiser members of this site, and also the admins on occasion, (for about two years now), as to whether I make a net positive contribution to the site, because in addition to the guilt I feel when anyone takes violent objection to something I said then appears to "strop off, comlaing bitterly" I also get periods where I get sick of the conversation and want to leave for my own personal reasons. There is an element of addiction to this stuff, that if I'm doing no good, I ought to be working harder to break.
I created a "safe space" thread instead where I can go and share the most innocent and non-controversial of human activities, looking at each others pussycats. (I wonder if that word will make it past the filter?) Everyone copes in different ways, but maybe as a community we can make ourselves stronger somehow if we talk more about this weakness we seem to suffer from?
Maybe a brave MOD or even one of the usually quite reticient but wiser members of the forum might be able to help lead us towards a better way of conducting ourselves?
I Sperg said:In plain english, Autism leads us to have bad days where we see argument or opposition where none actually exists
Yeah. Guilty.
If that's the word.
I have learned to be less reactive. Mostly.
Amerantin (former member) said:self-censorship is what I've been doing all my life, as most autistic people have. I didn't come here for more of the same!
Wise words.
Be your authentic self and just obey the forum rules.
There will always be someone offended and often who will try to cancel you, but that is very much the nature of society now. If we don't contribute for fear of offending others for a valid opinion then our voices are silenced
Please stay just the way you are..
Funny really, I can imagine a headline of "people who struggle with communication struggling to understand why they're struggling with communicating with others who struggle with communication "
Seriously though, you have a point!
I think that encountering challenging or even hostile viewpoints can have two main outcomes, either one folds and cries foul, or one fights back with cogent ripostes and a discussion or an argument ensues. I do not think that anyone can be blamed for not intuiting that the person that is being interacted with is a 'folder' and not capable of holding their own..
I think that for some people here it’s too much. Literally. Maybe we put too much emotions to the discussions and it overwhelms us. Of course there gonna be disagreements because we are all different, we have different views, experience etc. plus we all have a condition that makes our communication more challenging. maybe having sometime a break from this site is good and much better solution than announcing to the whole community “I’m leaving because I got upset with someone’s post”. I value this site a lot despite some stormy discussions, I value it because I feel how much I relate to other people here with my experience. I feel that I fit here. After whole life of me feeling like an alien i finally feel like a human. As for age - this is or should be a safe space for all of us. If someone thinks that older people are (insert epithet) just a reminder, young ones also gonna get older (if God blesses them with long life) which I wish everyone - long and good life and to find happiness in it to those who still didn’t. i feel sad about people leaving but of course it’s up to them. I generally like the posts here and I like to read them during my breaks at work.
Amerantin (former member) said:But I'm fed up with self censorship.
Reply to myself here, but just thinking about more about this last line: self-censorship is what I've been doing all my life, as most autistic people have. I didn't come here for more of the same!
The strongest of my autistic traits, which I believe are quite common among autistic people on the whole-
Hypersensitivity (physically and emotionally)
Extremely strong sense of fairness
Short fuse/temper (as a result of Frist trait)
Pattern recognition (sometimes goes overboard)
Huge empathy.
Add these all up and I think most people would agree that's a recipe for disaster if the topic turns the wrong way in a thread.
I intentionally avoided posting on and even reading through the thread that started this particular debate, as it looked like it was going to only go badly.
I believe that people here have the best intentions, sometimes can be miss read or trigger people who have particular views and opinions. But we're all entitled to have our opinions, we just need to tread carefully sometimes. Also need to think before we react or post, as we can all get the wrong end of the wrong stick sometimes.
Anyway I hope this all simmers down and peoples differences get sorted, without the loss of any more valuable members.
I'll leave you with the wise words of Bill and Ted -
"Be excellent to eachother"
I've discussed this very issue with others on here over the last couple of weeks, since I unintentionally upset another poster who subsequently left, and I have to admit there were aspects of the YellowTree threads that made me want to scream, but I quickly deleted my only response.
So my position on this is that while we have autism in common, we are all still different people with different opinions, likes, dislikes and life experiences so of course we will have disagreements. That is part and parcel of any forum where human beings talk to each other.
Unfortunately I think autism, and other comorbid conditions, make some people here very sensitive to any kind of disagreement.
My response to this over the last fortnight is to withdraw somewhat, because I don't want to upset anyone and certainly not enough to make them leave this forum. But you know what? I have every bit as much right to express or hold opinions as the other people do.
YT's last comment about woke and 60+ forum members was perhaps the last straw for me - complete hypocrisy and double standards on his part.
So maybe we should all freely - but politely - express our views. If other people don't like them they can freely - but politely - present a counter argument or they can just choose to ignore and not engage.
But I'm fed up with self censorship.
As a major facet of autism is difficulties in communication, it should probably not come as a surprise that misinterpretation of people's wording on the page (screen?) and motivation should be rather common here. I cannot see an easy fix. Assuming good faith and benevolence in everyone is probably a good idea, but also demonstrably incorrect in a minority of cases.