Published on 12, July, 2020
Like many (most?) autistic people I feel very disconnected from other people. I’ve often said I feel like an invisible ghost walking among the living.
But sitting in the dark in my house with the blinds closed, wondering if there is a real world outside or if I’m trapped in a bubble, has reminded me of a thought that I seriously toyed with in my darkest period, in my late teens.
Solipsism.
The idea that my mind is the only thing that exists. That other people aren’t real. A bit, I suppose, like I’m the only real player character trapped in a game full of NPCs and that’s why I can’t connect with anyone - they’re not real.
Ironically, of late, I’ve considered that it’s me who’s an NPC.
Have any of you ever felt this way?
I find myself in a near constant state of disassociatedness from what I perceive other humans are, and what they feel - full stop.
On these pages, I have flashes and "beams" of connectedness that I didn't know could happen with such frequency within a cohort of other humans. This is nice.
The NPC's seem to view me as 'sad' and disconnected (and probably dangerous too.)
I view the NPC's as 'sad' and disconnected (and probably dangerous too.)
Number said:NPC
What is that?
What Amerantin says - or like the characters in other media who are just there to serve a plot device.
The ones wearing the red uniform!
Number said:I do not intend to intimate that Debbie has an STD
LOL
IRL - I'd be cracking a Shakespearan joke about how "the lady, she doth protest too much, methinks."
Strange that I have so few friends.....am considered weird.....and easily offend people?
[Disambiguation......I do not intend to intimate that Debbie has an STD......this post explains the joke of being me!!!!]