Published on 12, July, 2020
Like many (most?) autistic people I feel very disconnected from other people. I’ve often said I feel like an invisible ghost walking among the living.
But sitting in the dark in my house with the blinds closed, wondering if there is a real world outside or if I’m trapped in a bubble, has reminded me of a thought that I seriously toyed with in my darkest period, in my late teens.
Solipsism.
The idea that my mind is the only thing that exists. That other people aren’t real. A bit, I suppose, like I’m the only real player character trapped in a game full of NPCs and that’s why I can’t connect with anyone - they’re not real.
Ironically, of late, I’ve considered that it’s me who’s an NPC.
Have any of you ever felt this way?
I like when you dream about someone you don't personally know but on waking and for the rest of the day it feels like you are BFF's
The guy that says he’s done for the night has just logged out of a very realistic game and the NPCs around him are desperately trying to do the same thing because they’ve just realised that their reality isn’t real… and neither are they
I don't get it
I guess it's the same as the way people say we 'suffer' with autism. I agree with you that it can help to process things. It's likely a coping mechanism that makes life a little more bearable.
Everyone daydreams to some extent but it can become problematic when it interferes with real life. Becoming so absorbed in the imaginary world that you don't eat or sleep is not good.
Also when we prefer that world to real life it can be problematic. Any future real friendships or relationships are never going to measure up to the idealised ones we have created.
i’ve tried this a few times. Hasn’t worked so far.
I do maladaptive daydreaming. The longest one ive done was 27hrs straight without eating, sleeping, or doing anything else. Usually they last only 2-3 hours now but I do it several times in the day. Its always the same places and people but the plot changes, and its like a movie. Sometimes I get a little too into it though, like if a character breaks their leg then I actually feel like my leg is broken (I can make it not feel broken again though) and ive had this specific story going on for 5ish years. My daydreams happen in Arendelle which I think feeds into my special interest, but I also think my special interest feeds into the daydream, so its a cycle or greatness I think
I dont get why some sites are saying "suffer". I wouldnt say I suffer from it. I find it the most wonderful thing ever. Sure im not out socialising or other stuff, but I wouldnt be doing that anyway. Plus I think my daydreaming helps me process things. I can create any senario and then figure out how things would play out, and I can see how each person is feeling.
I have ALWAYS been a daydreamer.
Amerantin (former member) said:We’re a complicated bunch, aren’t we
We are indeed.
Autonomistic said:I believe this is known as maladaptive daydreaming. I believe there is a link with both autism and ADHD.
You have just reminded me of something.
In my 40s I applied to study for a degree - it was a combination of literature and writing.
On my application I stated that all my life I had made up stories in my head, that there was a constant narrative there, including conversations and that it would be good to be able to channel this.
I also remember thinking - 'is this normal, is it actually indicative of a mental issue'?
So, now I know.
We’re a complicated bunch, aren’t we
I've just found an academic study on the link with autism and it concludes:
"This research indicates that experiences of MD are common among adults with ASD and are associated with high degrees of loneliness and emotion regulation difficulties."
https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2023-09759-001
Number said:I do not intend to intimate that Debbie has an STD
LOL
Number said:My dream worlds were as you describe above for your daydream world....but I would only ever remember them for the merest fraction of a moment when I awoke..
It won't surprise you to know that I created a thread on this subject.
My middle names are 'a thread for everything'.
I dream vividly and remember them well and they haunt my waking hours:
https://community.autism.org.uk/f/adults-on-the-autistic-spectrum/32911/dreams?ReplySortBy=CreatedDate&ReplySortOrder=Descending
IRL - I'd be cracking a Shakespearan joke about how "the lady, she doth protest too much, methinks."
Strange that I have so few friends.....am considered weird.....and easily offend people?
[Disambiguation......I do not intend to intimate that Debbie has an STD......this post explains the joke of being me!!!!]
I never told anyone about my imaginary world and the characters I created. It was intensely private to me and quite separate from real life.
When I was an adolescent, I couldn't wait to get to bed so that I could sleep.......and DREAM ! My dream worlds were as you describe above for your daydream world....but I would only ever remember them for the merest fraction of a moment when I awoke....but that was enough to make the concept of bed and sleeping a VERY attractive one for me.
Autonomistic said:Strangely since I discovered that I'm autistic I've stopped doing this. Perhaps now that I can finally understand who I am and be myself there is no need.
Fascinating insight there.
I had a friend who did similar when I was younger but she told me everything as though it was real so I believed it all.
I'm not sure that she didn't believe it was real too.
Number said:That's fine......just make sure you take a device with you that enables communication via the interweb thingy.....we'd miss you otherwise
Thank you.
Number said:And, for the avoidance of doubt - I'm not after a date with you either.
That's good for you as after a date with me at the moment you would come away with a very nasty virus (not STD).
Just going back into my cave.
That's fine......just make sure you take a device with you that enables communication via the interweb thingy.....we'd miss you otherwise. And, for the avoidance of doubt - I'm not after a date with you either.
"Smiley face emoji" + "thumbs up emoji" = [look at me being current and connected with cull-ture]
For many years, starting in childhood, I created my own imaginary world in my head. I could choose to go in and out of that world when I was alone, a way of dissociating and escaping from reality. In that world I could be myself without fear and had imaginary friends and partners. For me it was a better place to be than the real world.
I was always aware it wasn't real but I suppose being in that imaginary world was both enjoyable and addictive. Strangely since I discovered that I'm autistic I've stopped doing this. Perhaps now that I can finally understand who I am and be myself there is no need. I have memories of the time I spent with those imaginary characters as if they were real people, except I know they were not. Hearing a specific music track can trigger a memory of the time I spent in that world.
I believe this is known as maladaptive daydreaming. I believe there is a link with both autism and ADHD. Reading accounts online it is associated with movement very similar to stimming and the use of music to block out any external sounds.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/consciousness-and-psychopathology/202205/why-we-should-take-maladaptive-daydreaming-seriously
https://www.wondermind.com/article/maladaptive-daydreaming/
https://www.theguardian.com/science/2022/aug/28/i-just-go-into-my-head-and-enjoy-it-the-people-who-cant-stop-daydreaming