Published on 12, July, 2020
Like many (most?) autistic people I feel very disconnected from other people. I’ve often said I feel like an invisible ghost walking among the living.
But sitting in the dark in my house with the blinds closed, wondering if there is a real world outside or if I’m trapped in a bubble, has reminded me of a thought that I seriously toyed with in my darkest period, in my late teens.
Solipsism.
The idea that my mind is the only thing that exists. That other people aren’t real. A bit, I suppose, like I’m the only real player character trapped in a game full of NPCs and that’s why I can’t connect with anyone - they’re not real.
Ironically, of late, I’ve considered that it’s me who’s an NPC.
Have any of you ever felt this way?
I find myself in a near constant state of disassociatedness from what I perceive other humans are, and what they feel - full stop.
On these pages, I have flashes and "beams" of connectedness that I didn't know could happen with such frequency within a cohort of other humans. This is nice.
The NPC's seem to view me as 'sad' and disconnected (and probably dangerous too.)
I view the NPC's as 'sad' and disconnected (and probably dangerous too.)
Number said:NPC
What is that?
Number said:I do not intend to intimate that Debbie has an STD
LOL
IRL - I'd be cracking a Shakespearan joke about how "the lady, she doth protest too much, methinks."
Strange that I have so few friends.....am considered weird.....and easily offend people?
[Disambiguation......I do not intend to intimate that Debbie has an STD......this post explains the joke of being me!!!!]
Number said:That's fine......just make sure you take a device with you that enables communication via the interweb thingy.....we'd miss you otherwise
Thank you.
Number said:And, for the avoidance of doubt - I'm not after a date with you either.
That's good for you as after a date with me at the moment you would come away with a very nasty virus (not STD).
Just going back into my cave.
That's fine......just make sure you take a device with you that enables communication via the interweb thingy.....we'd miss you otherwise. And, for the avoidance of doubt - I'm not after a date with you either.
"Smiley face emoji" + "thumbs up emoji" = [look at me being current and connected with cull-ture]
Don't panic.....I'm not after a date!
Amerantin (former member) said:Star Trek reference - it was always the characters in red shirts that got killed off
Thank you for being my translator!
Any kind of references to 'common' culture go straight over my head.
It makes me realise how (willingly) cut off from the world I am.
Star Trek reference - it was always the characters in red shirts that got killed off
Awe shucks ️
Pegg said:The ones wearing the red uniform!
Thanks but ugh?
It means nothing to me ... Vienna.
Not round here you're not ! You are in the named credits at the end AND you have your own trailer.
Pegg said:just there to serve a plot device.
This is why I sometimes feel like an NPC now. When I was younger I thought life was my own story but now I feel like a minor character in other peoples’ lives.
What Amerantin says - or like the characters in other media who are just there to serve a plot device.
The ones wearing the red uniform!
Non Player Character.
The computer generated fake people that you interact with in video games.