Published on 12, July, 2020
Like many (most?) autistic people I feel very disconnected from other people. I’ve often said I feel like an invisible ghost walking among the living.
But sitting in the dark in my house with the blinds closed, wondering if there is a real world outside or if I’m trapped in a bubble, has reminded me of a thought that I seriously toyed with in my darkest period, in my late teens.
Solipsism.
The idea that my mind is the only thing that exists. That other people aren’t real. A bit, I suppose, like I’m the only real player character trapped in a game full of NPCs and that’s why I can’t connect with anyone - they’re not real.
Ironically, of late, I’ve considered that it’s me who’s an NPC.
Have any of you ever felt this way?
There is also depersonalisation/derealisation.
I think that these experiences including dissociation all come under one umbrella:
https://www.nhs.uk/mental-health/conditions/dissociative-disorders/
That’s an interesting link.
This is what I was referring to in my previous post. I hadn’t realised it but the way I recovered from my late teenage / early 20s depression was to completely bury who I was and the traumatic memories associated with it and create a new me.
I think of this as a bit of a superpower . It allows me to be very calm in stressful situations.
Amerantin (former member) said:Have you seen Split,
I haven't but it has been recommended to me.
I haven't watched a film for several years but this year is the one where I'm trying to get back into doing so, so many thanks for that.
Have you seen Split, where James McAvoy plays someone with multiple personalities? He really earned his money in that film https://m.imdb.com/title/tt4972582/?ref_=fn_al_tt_1
Amerantin (former member) said:having multiple distinct identities
I saw a very good film once about this subject that has always haunted me.
What was then known as Multiple Personality Syndrome but is now known as Dissociative Identity Disorder.
Sybil:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sybil_(1976_film)
Based on this book:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sybil_(Schreiber_book)