Hi

I hope you feel better with time. I worried that it was my post which scared you off!

Although it's absolutely fine if it did. I know that post was quite intense.

I'm glad you feel you belong here.

Honestly it wasn't you so please don't think it was.

I've had issues for a while and sometimes I feel so bad and get thoughts it's hard not to act on them but I'm better again now.

I'm still trying to catch up with everyone but I'm going slower now.

Feeling really happy to be here again :) 

I'm glad! Your conversation really helped me that day, especially as the amount of people to talk to at the moment is incredibly sparse for me.

Definitely take things at the right pace for you. I know the feeling of things feeling particularly bad, it has been mostly every day for me for the past 3 months. 

I do appreciate your support. If you're okay for me to send you a private message to continue the correspondence I'd be happy to.

I'm hoping when I resume therapy I'd be able to process some of the worst feelings.

It's easy to focus on regrets and the bad days but important to look forward and remind yourself that you still have a lot of good days to come.

One of my biggest regrets is not appreciating the good. I spent more time trying to mentally prepare myself for my friends dropping me for some reason instead of appreciating them. It's like it was a subconscious form of self destruction. 

I realised afterwards I didn't actually want that. It's the same with all my negative self-talk ("I'm a disgrace", "I'll never make something of myself" etc) which was eventually validated. Afterwards it's a bit like "what now?".

Part of me perhaps wanted me to be like "see? I was right".

I don't want to be defined by this one thing. Mostly when public figures get embroiled in 'scandals' that tends to be the end of them, and I don't want that to be the case. I already feel like I've wasted away my life.

Remember those 'good' days because they remind you on the bad days that you're due another good day soon.

Life can be so hard and it's horrible when you're on a bad day. It's very much like a storm which you fight through to get to the next day good day.

After a bad day though it proves that you're strong and can get through whatever life throws at you.

Your to do list sounds awesome! ^^

Good job that's really positive and gives you something to look forward to.

HMO said:

I just need to find an opportunity where I can prove to myself that I'm not the same person I was

To me I think you've already proven this :-) 

I go through days where I'm like "I am gonna beat this and not let life control me anymore" and other days where I'm like "what's the point".

I wish I could repair those bridges and rebuild the bonds with (at least some of) the friends I had. I know it'll take time but it'll be so much easier once I know what needs doing.

I've already created a to-do list for September (when we're back) and I'm still adding stuff to it. I just need to find an opportunity where I can prove to myself that I'm not the same person I was. 

You definitely will get over this even if it doesn't seem like it right now.

It's obviously having a huge effect on you which is understandable and it won't be easy to move on from this.

But you will. Things will look better again but right now being on holiday as well away from home it's going to add to your stress and lowness.

I think things will look so much better for you when you're back home.

Don't let the negativity win and remember to be kind to yourself :–) 

Normally it is fine but I've found this much harder because of the circumstances that precede it. I thought I'd be able to clear my head but it's really hard.

I just want the feeling to be over because I don't want to be in the same position in a year's time.

I think the hardest part is conveying just how hard it will be to 'get over' the situation and I've accepted that I probably never will. 

I'm sorry today has been hard for you.

Being on holiday is a super stressful time. Your away from home. New place.

It's a lot to process and cope with.

I'm glad you feel able to come here when you need to. It's a safe environment for autistics.

I'm doing so much better today thankfully. Hoping positive things are coming your way too ^^

Today has been particularly hard sadly. It seems like it's always there in the background.

I'm meant to be on holiday and I've interpreted that as 'don't contact anyone' but obviously these are not normal circumstances. It's the biggest 'crisis' I've had.

It's a shame that I can't embrace the fact I'm here instead of counting down the days until I'm back. 

I definitely appreciate the support, but you have every right to step back if it gets too much. 

Today has been particularly hard sadly. It seems like it's always there in the background.

I'm meant to be on holiday and I've interpreted that as 'don't contact anyone' but obviously these are not normal circumstances. It's the biggest 'crisis' I've had.

It's a shame that I can't embrace the fact I'm here instead of counting down the days until I'm back. 

I definitely appreciate the support, but you have every right to step back if it gets too much. 

I do appreciate your support. If you're okay for me to send you a private message to continue the correspondence I'd be happy to.

I'm hoping when I resume therapy I'd be able to process some of the worst feelings.

It's easy to focus on regrets and the bad days but important to look forward and remind yourself that you still have a lot of good days to come.

One of my biggest regrets is not appreciating the good. I spent more time trying to mentally prepare myself for my friends dropping me for some reason instead of appreciating them. It's like it was a subconscious form of self destruction. 

I realised afterwards I didn't actually want that. It's the same with all my negative self-talk ("I'm a disgrace", "I'll never make something of myself" etc) which was eventually validated. Afterwards it's a bit like "what now?".

Part of me perhaps wanted me to be like "see? I was right".

I don't want to be defined by this one thing. Mostly when public figures get embroiled in 'scandals' that tends to be the end of them, and I don't want that to be the case. I already feel like I've wasted away my life.

Remember those 'good' days because they remind you on the bad days that you're due another good day soon.

Life can be so hard and it's horrible when you're on a bad day. It's very much like a storm which you fight through to get to the next day good day.

After a bad day though it proves that you're strong and can get through whatever life throws at you.

Your to do list sounds awesome! ^^

Good job that's really positive and gives you something to look forward to.

HMO said:

I just need to find an opportunity where I can prove to myself that I'm not the same person I was

To me I think you've already proven this :-) 

I go through days where I'm like "I am gonna beat this and not let life control me anymore" and other days where I'm like "what's the point".

I wish I could repair those bridges and rebuild the bonds with (at least some of) the friends I had. I know it'll take time but it'll be so much easier once I know what needs doing.

I've already created a to-do list for September (when we're back) and I'm still adding stuff to it. I just need to find an opportunity where I can prove to myself that I'm not the same person I was. 

You definitely will get over this even if it doesn't seem like it right now.

It's obviously having a huge effect on you which is understandable and it won't be easy to move on from this.

But you will. Things will look better again but right now being on holiday as well away from home it's going to add to your stress and lowness.

I think things will look so much better for you when you're back home.

Don't let the negativity win and remember to be kind to yourself :–) 

Normally it is fine but I've found this much harder because of the circumstances that precede it. I thought I'd be able to clear my head but it's really hard.

I just want the feeling to be over because I don't want to be in the same position in a year's time.

I think the hardest part is conveying just how hard it will be to 'get over' the situation and I've accepted that I probably never will. 

I'm sorry today has been hard for you.

Being on holiday is a super stressful time. Your away from home. New place.

It's a lot to process and cope with.

I'm glad you feel able to come here when you need to. It's a safe environment for autistics.

I'm doing so much better today thankfully. Hoping positive things are coming your way too ^^