Published on 12, July, 2020
So this is a bit of a delicate one, obviously, but I just wondered whether anyone else here was a self-harmer, and how it related to their autism, emotional dysregulation and meltdowns. I've been a self-harmer since I was 14, which is now 20 years - mostly by cutting, but occasionally other things as well such as overdoses or burning. During a meltdown, I will also head-bang, wrist-bang, scratch and hit myself and pull my hair out.
I guess I'm just wondering how other people manage their self-harm and whether people had found things which were actually decent alternatives which work for them, or ways to avoid getting to that point. I've heard and tried a lot over the years (e.g. drawing on yourself with pen, holding ice cubes, flicking elastic bands, hitting something else like a pillow), but none of them work. I feel like perhaps those are geared towards people who aren't in an exceedingly uncontrolled emotional state/meltdown and once it gets to that point nothing else helps. I'm also in therapy and have been in and out of it for most of my life now - she's great but I always seem to fall into the same patterns because they're so ingrained at this point.
I suppose I also just want to feel less alone with it. I've known a lot of self-harmers over the years, but none of it has quite been in the same context when it comes to the autistic meltdowns. I'm not sure what I really need from this, I guess, but hopefully some replies might be helpful or at least supportive!
I've wanted to reply to show some support but I worry I'm not smart enough to avoid writing anything that might be inadvertantly damaging to others but I'll try, keeping it general.
I have similar experiences and self harmed quite a bit over the years, not just cutting but things I've come to realise are similar to self harm (or perhaps just 'are' self harm) like drinking a lot, eating too much and smoking heavily.
I haven't been able to entirely stop yet, but all I can say is for me, just reaching out talking to people who are trustworthy and asking genuinely for help - was an important first step. It was uncomfortable and I never exactly got the words out right to explain myself but people understood enough to help.
I really do wish you well.
I think sometimes all of the things you have mentioned come under 'self-harm' and sometimes people categorise deliberate hurting oneself in the form of cutting/burning/whatever as 'self-injury', but they're colloquially just used interchangeably.
I do plenty of talking, and I'm really glad it helps you. I've not found talking to be enough for me yet, unfortunately, though I do appreciate the people who put in a lot of time to support me. I think that once it's reached meltdown levels, talking is out of the question - probably the answer lies in intervening earlier so I don't reach such awful levels of meltdown where I'm tearing at myself!
Thank you for replying to show support, I really appreciate it. I wish you all the very best as well.
Queer Autistic Grunge said:I think that once it's reached meltdown levels, talking is out of the question
Understood, timing seems key. Talking only helps me when I'm not in the pit. Sorry I couldn't be of more help.
No, it's okay, the support and solidarity alone is helpful sometimes! Timing is definitely the key, being able to intercept and know what to do earlier on seems to be important, I've no idea what can be done once I reach full meltdown levels - other than be physically restrained by my friends, seemingly!