Published on 12, July, 2020
So this is a bit of a delicate one, obviously, but I just wondered whether anyone else here was a self-harmer, and how it related to their autism, emotional dysregulation and meltdowns. I've been a self-harmer since I was 14, which is now 20 years - mostly by cutting, but occasionally other things as well such as overdoses or burning. During a meltdown, I will also head-bang, wrist-bang, scratch and hit myself and pull my hair out.
I guess I'm just wondering how other people manage their self-harm and whether people had found things which were actually decent alternatives which work for them, or ways to avoid getting to that point. I've heard and tried a lot over the years (e.g. drawing on yourself with pen, holding ice cubes, flicking elastic bands, hitting something else like a pillow), but none of them work. I feel like perhaps those are geared towards people who aren't in an exceedingly uncontrolled emotional state/meltdown and once it gets to that point nothing else helps. I'm also in therapy and have been in and out of it for most of my life now - she's great but I always seem to fall into the same patterns because they're so ingrained at this point.
I suppose I also just want to feel less alone with it. I've known a lot of self-harmers over the years, but none of it has quite been in the same context when it comes to the autistic meltdowns. I'm not sure what I really need from this, I guess, but hopefully some replies might be helpful or at least supportive!
I've wanted to reply to show some support but I worry I'm not smart enough to avoid writing anything that might be inadvertantly damaging to others but I'll try, keeping it general.
I have similar experiences and self harmed quite a bit over the years, not just cutting but things I've come to realise are similar to self harm (or perhaps just 'are' self harm) like drinking a lot, eating too much and smoking heavily.
I haven't been able to entirely stop yet, but all I can say is for me, just reaching out talking to people who are trustworthy and asking genuinely for help - was an important first step. It was uncomfortable and I never exactly got the words out right to explain myself but people understood enough to help.
I really do wish you well.
I think sometimes all of the things you have mentioned come under 'self-harm' and sometimes people categorise deliberate hurting oneself in the form of cutting/burning/whatever as 'self-injury', but they're colloquially just used interchangeably.
I do plenty of talking, and I'm really glad it helps you. I've not found talking to be enough for me yet, unfortunately, though I do appreciate the people who put in a lot of time to support me. I think that once it's reached meltdown levels, talking is out of the question - probably the answer lies in intervening earlier so I don't reach such awful levels of meltdown where I'm tearing at myself!
Thank you for replying to show support, I really appreciate it. I wish you all the very best as well.