Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello all,
I have been having poor mental health since January, and I have anxiety and I think I may have depression sometimes. The anxiety gives me headaches sometimes too. I sometimes think I have done something wrong and illegal too when I know I haven't. I also think about death and what happens after death every day.
I am also sensitive to light so I wear sunglasses, but my parents sometimes tells me to take them off. Wearing sunglasses makes me comfortable for some reason. I am also sensitive to noise, and I don't like fire alarms.
I like walking slowly because when I walk fast I get out of breath quickly. My mum also rushes me everywhere, like to Youth Club on Tuesdays, and I don't like rushing all the time. Mum says she is in a rush, and after she drops me off at Youth Club, she just sits in their carpark, so there is no need to rush. Mum also says when I walk slowly it's embarrassing her.
Names also get to me and some words, and it makes me upset too.
Today, my Mum rushed me from the train station to the car, and I accidently dropped my earphone in the road. A car came and broke my earphone that I just got last week. The next thing I knew, as Mum was speeding down the road walking, I then had to cross a road. I have problems crossing roads because they are busy and when something is coming I just wait for it to pass, as it makes it easier for everyone.
Whenever this gets too much for me, I get depressed and I think about suicide, which I know isn't good. I just can't take this any more.
Thanks in advance,
Anxiety and depression can be really difficult to deal with, and it's important to take care of yourself both mentally and physically.Have you talked to your parents about how wearing sunglasses and walking slowly makes you feel more comfortable?I also wanted to let you know about the mental help hotline. They can be a great resource if you need someone to talk to or help find local mental health services. Remember, you're not alone, and take care of yourself!
I had a suicidal ideation while turning from a junction last Saturday, my birthday, while driving.
I'm now 43, but still a young boy; in a mental and emotional state.
You're among friends, here. You have a place in the World. It mightn't be your Mum's Vision; but yours.
As a previous response said, write a letter to your mum; describing how you feel whenever down.
Hi Liam, sorry to read about the hard times that you are having.
It's difficult but try to explain to your mum what the effects of her behaviour are having on you and also explain why you have the sensitivities you have and why you must do things in a certain way ("your way") in order to manage yourself and make your life more comfortable.
You can set healthy boundaries in this way: at the moment you probably feel that everything is one-way traffic that negatively impacts on you....
I'm sorry you are having such a tough time, Liam. Have you talked to your mum about how all this rushing about makes you feel? Does she even realise how much it is stressing you?
From her point of view, there might be a couple of reasons for the rush...say, with the youth club, it may not be that she has to do something else, but that she is worried you won't be on time. Often people expect you to turn up on time to things. It might also be that sometimes she has other important things to do that she can't be on time for if you all dawdle.
What I am concerned about is the fact that she is saying it's embarrassing. I'd check with her what she means. She shouldn't make you feel bad because you walk slow, on the other hand she might mean that turning up late for something is embarrassing. Either way, better planning to get you all where you are going at a pace you can manage is important.
And the sun glasses... well, it is out of the ordinary to wear them all the time, but it sounds like they are helping you with a sensory problem. Does she understand why you wear them?
Hi Liam. I am so sorry to read your post. You are clearly having a tough time and that is very sad. Please keep yourself safe. If things are getting really bad then please ring Childline 0800 1111 or the Samaritans 116 123. Is there an adult you can speak to, a family member or somebody at school? It is important to share with someone that you are struggling. Take Care x