Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello all,
I have been having poor mental health since January, and I have anxiety and I think I may have depression sometimes. The anxiety gives me headaches sometimes too. I sometimes think I have done something wrong and illegal too when I know I haven't. I also think about death and what happens after death every day.
I am also sensitive to light so I wear sunglasses, but my parents sometimes tells me to take them off. Wearing sunglasses makes me comfortable for some reason. I am also sensitive to noise, and I don't like fire alarms.
I like walking slowly because when I walk fast I get out of breath quickly. My mum also rushes me everywhere, like to Youth Club on Tuesdays, and I don't like rushing all the time. Mum says she is in a rush, and after she drops me off at Youth Club, she just sits in their carpark, so there is no need to rush. Mum also says when I walk slowly it's embarrassing her.
Names also get to me and some words, and it makes me upset too.
Today, my Mum rushed me from the train station to the car, and I accidently dropped my earphone in the road. A car came and broke my earphone that I just got last week. The next thing I knew, as Mum was speeding down the road walking, I then had to cross a road. I have problems crossing roads because they are busy and when something is coming I just wait for it to pass, as it makes it easier for everyone.
Whenever this gets too much for me, I get depressed and I think about suicide, which I know isn't good. I just can't take this any more.
Thanks in advance,
I'm sorry you are having such a tough time, Liam. Have you talked to your mum about how all this rushing about makes you feel? Does she even realise how much it is stressing you?
From her point of view, there might be a couple of reasons for the rush...say, with the youth club, it may not be that she has to do something else, but that she is worried you won't be on time. Often people expect you to turn up on time to things. It might also be that sometimes she has other important things to do that she can't be on time for if you all dawdle.
What I am concerned about is the fact that she is saying it's embarrassing. I'd check with her what she means. She shouldn't make you feel bad because you walk slow, on the other hand she might mean that turning up late for something is embarrassing. Either way, better planning to get you all where you are going at a pace you can manage is important.
And the sun glasses... well, it is out of the ordinary to wear them all the time, but it sounds like they are helping you with a sensory problem. Does she understand why you wear them?