Published on 12, July, 2020
Put bluntly im struggling to cope. I am told its ok not to work but cant get past the guilt. People say its ok and to chill but i feel like ive wasted my life. My family say they love me and to be happy but i cant seem to accept not having lives the obligations of adulthood. Anyone here not work but is supported or partner to someone with asd who doesnt...how is it
Are you aware, that what you have been describing is really common for those on the spectrum with demand avoidance tendencies and Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. If you also happen to have dyspraxia and dyslexia and everything you have being say relates to the exact struggles i have been experiencing for most my adulthood and early teens.
Is it fear or rejection sensitive dysphoria ?
Its like my brain comes up against something minor a chore and ill think why did i not do this in life. Why cant i summon the pacè of others. I dont even do fun things. Its like i wanted life without the rest. It has me so anxious cause i will tell myself the only reason ice not done things is fear. Then it really hits home cause i get sure i can do it all but then it opens me to a world where so many people already steuggle so im in a maze of am i that different or did i just screw life up by not beinf serious
Would you say it like thought paralysis or hyperfixation on a traumatic experience or a combination of both ?
Is it like you can't think of anything else and it messes with your ability to do other tasks, When you do want to do other tasks but simple your brain will not let you concentrate on anything new and when you do your brain scrambles the information up so you end up messing up ?
Thats the problem its almost like i dont know how to think...like im stuck and cant think my way out...then rthe anxiety hits
Thats a really good idea. For instance, I like making jewlerry and I want to start making bracelets to raise money for Ukraininan refugees
I always have worked, but I understand the need to be useful to feel you count. Kind of why I picked the careers I did.
There is no need for guilt. We live in a society that materially rewards only some skill sets a d often misses that which is truely valuable.
Your life is not wasted. We can all have some positive impact somewhere. Why not think less in terms of work, but it terms of your potential contribution and do what you can. A hobby could turn into a way to help in a small way. For instance, gardening to help a neighbour or knitting to make premature baby clothes for a local maternity unit. Think through what you enjoy, think how it could help you or someone else and let society worry about the rest. Not everyone was built to fit our cut throat economy, but some talents, whilst not marketable, are worth more than gold.
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Wow - they really weren’t your friends if they were saying that. I’m sorry you experienced that.
Sufwly ita nof ok to just do a few chores and then spend rest of time doing games...which i dont do...of just sif with kid watching tv...or is it
Why do you have to accept it ? You don't have to accept and that's fine.
You just have to trust her. It’s likely that she knows you better than anyone else. Is she a complete idiot? I doubt it! So accept her good opinion of you and take comfort from it.
She says so. Its like my mind is stuck rigid and cant seem to accept what is being said. Like im unable to accept whats being said...it frustrates people
Would be just nice to wake up and feel justified in my life just for once...never felt that ever
‘Normal’ is a fairly useless thing to be aiming for. Normal by whose standard? For an autistic person you’re probably pretty normal I imagine. Personally I don’t value being normal - I’d much rather be unusual and happy. I’m sure you’ve got plenty going on in your head - though it’s perhaps quite negative thinking at the moment. But you can change that - in time. The first thing you perhaps need to do is accept yourlf, accept the fact that you’re an autistic person who finds some aspects of life difficult. All autistic people find some aspects of life difficult (that’s normal ! So you see: you ARE normal
Thats actually really comforting, thank you for posting that
Well said!
I have a daughter. Ill be honest the way i feel right now is like a boy who dreamed of an easy life...im so out of it i cant see a way in and im worried she is going to lose her dad...i hate who i am with a vengeance.
I know that feeling
Most of us have felt like that at some point in our lives. It’s normal to sometimes feel that way - especially when we are dealing with the extra challenges that being autistic brings with it. Do you have children?