Guilt and work

I am in the exactly same situation.  Not worked for the last 10 years but have been raising my two youngest.  The guilt has eaten me up that much that i think it has contributed to one of the reasons i spilt from my partner this year!!! I am now a single parent, living of benefits but slowly looking into doing some volunteer work.  I would LOVE to go back to work and the thought of it scares me to death but i am going to give it one last try.  If it affects my health then i am going to give up and have to accept i cannot work in a main stream job.  

I had my first job when i was 17 - that lasted 3 months.  I then had my first child, went to college and got my next job, which lasted 4 years and was probably one of my best jobs but in this i felt i was an imposter and somehow managed to hold it down, pretending i knew what i was doing!!! i eventually left because of my mental health but being honest i left because the lady i was working with was reducing her hours and i had the chanced to go full time.  the thought of this freaked me out (i always went to her when i was struggling with work)  so the thought of more responsibility freaked me out and i left!!!

the next 4 years i had 3 more jobs, each one getting worse and draining me but all of this pre diagnosis of Autism

I got my diagnosis last year and i am still having to deal with my mental health

sorry if i have gone off track but please think of yourself and if working is not an option then fight the guilt.  We have not asked for this, it does not matter what others think.  We do grow in a society where it is frowned upon to not be working but work is not the be all or end all.  One of my therapists asked me to challenge this thought as even they said work is not everything.

Go with what your gut says and try and be kind on yourself.  Only YOU know what your limits are and if working affects your health then do something else.  we only get one life 

IT is OK not to work, try and ignore the thoughts you think others have about you - take it from me the guilt will eat you up!!!

I agree Dawn. A job - in the conventional sense of the word - is construct of society. We are encouraged to feel guilty about not having paid work because the establishment want us to feel bad about it! Because a capitalist society needs people to go to work to keep the whole machine working. Which is fair enough on one level (capitalism works for some people better than others - but that’s not my point)  - but these are only constructs. For example you Dawn have been raising your children - that is ‘work’ that’s as valid as any job (more so probably). 

we all contribute to society in different ways. A person might have mental health issues and not be able to work - but they are still contributing to society by focusing on their health and trying to get well again - because society benefits overall from people being happy and well - and not ill. 
Also your family and friends benefit from you taking care of your mental health and well being. 

NO GUILT IS REQUIRED IN THIS SCENARIO! You have a right to prioritise your health! 
‘Health is wealth’ as they say! 

I agree Dawn. A job - in the conventional sense of the word - is construct of society. We are encouraged to feel guilty about not having paid work because the establishment want us to feel bad about it! Because a capitalist society needs people to go to work to keep the whole machine working. Which is fair enough on one level (capitalism works for some people better than others - but that’s not my point)  - but these are only constructs. For example you Dawn have been raising your children - that is ‘work’ that’s as valid as any job (more so probably). 

we all contribute to society in different ways. A person might have mental health issues and not be able to work - but they are still contributing to society by focusing on their health and trying to get well again - because society benefits overall from people being happy and well - and not ill. 
Also your family and friends benefit from you taking care of your mental health and well being. 

NO GUILT IS REQUIRED IN THIS SCENARIO! You have a right to prioritise your health! 
‘Health is wealth’ as they say! 

Would be just nice to wake up and feel justified in my life just for once...never felt that ever

‘Normal’ is a fairly useless thing to be aiming for. Normal by whose standard? For an autistic person you’re probably pretty normal I imagine. Personally I don’t value being normal - I’d much rather be unusual and happy. 
I’m sure you’ve got plenty going on in your head - though it’s perhaps quite negative thinking at the moment. But you can change that - in time. The first thing you perhaps need to do is accept yourlf, accept the fact that you’re an autistic person who finds some aspects of life difficult. All autistic people find some aspects of life difficult (that’s normal ! So you see: you ARE normal

• Just want to be normal...rather than having little in my head

Well said!