Going to University as an autistic person

Im going to university in september this year and Im very anxious about going. Part of me is so hopeful about starting a new life with new people and new experiences, but part of me dreads that I just wont make any friends and Ill be alone and friendless. Im very bad at talking to new people without masking heavily, and Im also bad in new places and situations, like clubbing and drinking - the stuff you do at uni. I know that I can access support from student welfare but Im scared that it wont help me in the way I need to be supported. Is there any advice on making new friends and managing a new situation like uni that anyone knows? 

  • Yes I really struggle with change too, so uni is gonna be really hard, we just have to try our bests to get through the first few months before things hopefully settle down :)

  • Thank you so much omg! This seems so helpful and Im actually really excited to go and leave my school days behind. Im goning to go to Leeds Arts university to study fine art!

  • I totally agree with what you have written here Kaz - my eldest son went to Uni and had a similar experience. Most of the friends he made (and his now girlfriend) he met at a particular Society - the shared interest in the subject was like an ‘icebreaker’ and made making friends a little easier. It still took time, but he made good friends and they’re still his friends (he left Uni about 4 years ago). Even though it was quite difficult for him (for the first few months especially) he is so glad that he went. It definitely changed his life for the better - a LOT. 

    My advice would be to stick with it through the tougher times (if you have them) as overall you’ll probably be vary glad you did. Be prepared for a few rocky patches (most people have a few of those at Uni - whether they’re autistic or not) but try and stick with it if you can - because the rewards in the long run can be really significant. 

  • I was going to say, be careful about making wrong friends, the party type, the needy, etc. it's easier without them to complete uni

  • When I was about to start University in September 2018, I too felt the same way. Part of me was looking forward to gaining independence; to be able to do what I wanted to do, and to prove to those in my past (the ones who thought I wouldn't be able to "handle it") by proving them wrong and I graduated with a Bachelor's Degree in 'Film and TV Production' last year. 

    When I left College in 2012, I had no intentions of going to University. I face issues with social communication on a regular basis (even as I type this, I'm using a paraphrasing tool for extra support). However, after years of countless rejected job applications, I took a massive leap on something I never thought I'd face. 

    After a few weeks settling in, I joined a society. When you discover a society that you have an interest in, it breaks through that social barrier because you're meeting people with similar interests. I felt at ease around them and I'm still in contact with a few of them now. I never went clubbing (simply isn't my thing) and spent my evenings watching movies. I opted for studio accommodation; bit pricey, but that way, if I ever felt anxious or overwhelmed, I could unwind and relax in my own place. Everyone is different; some prefer to share, while others prefer not to - always go for what you feel is best for you. Most evenings I walked around campus taking photographs (which I found therapeutic) and I even brought an Unlimited card for the local cinema. In time, I forgot how anxious I was on "day one".

    The first few weeks were challenging; everything was new to me, but after I established a routine, a map of the campus in my head (fortunately I have photographic memory), and getting to know people, everything else fell into place. And yes, I had a few "off-days" - we all face them, but that's okay. In terms of support, I had a 1 to 1 advisor who I saw once a week; it was nice to vent to someone about any issues I was facing. 

    It will feel different at first, but it will be worth it in the end. Settle in, take your time; in the first few weeks, gain a sense of your timetable and the University. If you meet any students who have similar interests, it will make it easier to build upon conversations. I myself was a bit concerned that I wouldn't make many friends; I probably gained at least 10 in the end, but I find it's more about the quality than the quantity. Take a look at what they have to offer in terms of "societies", take time for yourself if you ever need to and enjoy the adventure.

  • My eldest had a similar experience Ann. He also didn’t drink alcohol (and still doesn’t - neither of my children have ever wanted to drink alcohol). My son didn’t go clubbing or anything like that. At Oxford they had Balls (very weird in many ways and completely alien to my working class autistic son) and he didn’t go to those either. It worried me initially as pretty much everyone went to them and I worried about him feeling ‘left out’ - but I soon realised that he had to be himself and if he forced himself to do social stuff he hated it would only make him stressed and unhappy so it would be pointless and unpleasant for him. He needed quiet down time after all the other things that were being demanded of him by the move to Uni. 
    Finding like minded people with similar interests is definitely a bit easier at Uni. My eldest did have some difficult times I won’t lie - but I think that’s not uncommon for everyone at Uni - not just autistic people. Working through those difficulties is an important part of building independence though - if you don’t go through that you don’t learn your strengths and coping skills. If you don’t try these things you won’t learn what you can cope with, and what is probably not for you.
    If you find yourself really struggling you can always access support and reasonable adjustments from the college, or get support form your family or friends. I remember going home occasionally for a few days to ‘escape’ college and have a rest from it all. So there’s always that if things get too much. 

  • I forgot to mention - I also struggle at coping with change. What helps me is to try and keep some things constant that I can keep the same- this could be something like continuing to go on a daily walk / keeping the same exercise routine. Making sure I have a favourite food or object (eg. blanket, favourite bedding etc) with me. This helps me cope with change. And soon you'll have a new routine :) For me going to uni was scary but mainly also exciting and freeing. 

  • Hi, I am autistic and whilst there were challenges I can confidently say that going to university was the best thing that happened to me!! I was so alone at school- a real alien and I just couldn't connect to anyone. At university I made a few very close friends- We just connected and making friends happened almost effortlessly at university- which is crazy considering I had none at school. I finally met likeminded people at university. I'm so happy that I went. 

    Also I have to admit that I never went out clubbing and drinking and still don't: There was one disastrous exception of me entering a club but not drinking... and one disastrous pub crawl. After a LOT of convincing I once entered a club, lasted for less than 30 minutes (i cannot tolerate the crowds and noise) and I didn't drink. I also went on a pub crawl once in Fresher's week...  though again I did not drink and I swore that that was the first and last time. I thought I had to try and be "social" in Fresher's week but that didn't really get me anywhere and for me the best strategy was to try and be myself :). I didn't have a single drink while at university and it wasn't a problem- most of my friends don't drink either. So I think if clubbing and drinking is not your thing, I wouldn't worry about that at all! I met most of my friends through shared interests (scientific talks) or through my course (including through always being late... haha, one of my friends and I always seemed to turn up to lectures at the same time... 5-10 minutes after the start so we got to know each other- I'm not suggesting you should be late for lectures ;) though I do always say the first 5 minutes are overrated but I have no evidence to support this claim as I was never there...). 

    For me it was so much easier to connect to people at university than at school and it made me realise that I just hadn't met anyone I could connect to before. It's so much more likely that you will meet people that you have shared interests with at university than at school so I think your chances of making friends at uni are so so much higher than ever before :). Also there will be plenty of extracurricular activities and clubs to join (for anything you can imagine ...) if that is your thing- I know that at my university people would even start a new society if there wasn't one yet for the thing they were interested in. I personally didn't really join that many extracurriculars (I probably wish I had taken advantage a bit more of the opportunities and maybe withdrawn less)- but things still worked out ok for me and I met some friends :) I feel very lucky that I got to go to university. 

    I wish you a good time at uni!! Out of curiosity, where are you going to uni and what subject will you be studying? 

  • My eldest son went to Uni (he’s since graduated) and being autistic it did present him with some extra challenges. However despite being daunted by the prospect he is so glad that he did go and would not have missed it for the world. He joined a couple of college societies that involved things he was interested in and through these he met some like minded people (some of who were autistic or neurodivergent etc). As soon as you make that connection with someone that will massively help. Remember that most people - autistic or not - will be feeling a bit anxious too - so people on the whole are all really keen to get on with other people and be friendly. 
    when I went to college (many years ago) I did find the social side a bit stressful and I drank alcohol at social events which helped me to relax a bit - it really helped a lot. 
    As they say ‘feel the fear and do it anyway’ - it’s not bad advice when it comes to going to Uni! Good luck! 

  • Hello, I too am supposed to be going to university this September. As a 19 year old on the spectrum, who has just taken a gap year, I am finding the concept of moving away to university very terrifying. I completely understand where you are coming from with regards to making friends and struggling with social situations. One of the issues I face with my ASD is an inability to cope with change, particularly in my surroundings, therefore moving away from home is my biggest dread. I would love to know how you get on and how you are approaching the struggle of this September, as it is nice to know that I am not alone with these worries as a teen with ASD. As it can feel very lonely sometimes when you see other people going off to university very confidently. 

  • First of all, university is nothing like school. I loathed and hated school, but, in general, I enjoyed university - so much so that I later worked at one for 34 years. In the first couple of weeks I met people I have been friends with ever since. I didn't go clubbing - though I did in my late twenties - or to gigs, at the time, they would have been too overwhelming. However, I did go to pubs and the various students' union bars, also to social functions in my hall of residence. Joining union societies on things that interest you is a good way of meeting and getting to know people. It may seem that every other person is so much more confident than yourself, but they will also have insecurities and problems. I have never been outgoing, I am a thoroughgoing introvert, but if I managed to form a friendship group of 6 or 7 people, then you have every chance of doing the same. BTW I am a diagnosed autistic.