Published on 12, July, 2020
Im going to university in september this year and Im very anxious about going. Part of me is so hopeful about starting a new life with new people and new experiences, but part of me dreads that I just wont make any friends and Ill be alone and friendless. Im very bad at talking to new people without masking heavily, and Im also bad in new places and situations, like clubbing and drinking - the stuff you do at uni. I know that I can access support from student welfare but Im scared that it wont help me in the way I need to be supported. Is there any advice on making new friends and managing a new situation like uni that anyone knows?
When I was about to start University in September 2018, I too felt the same way. Part of me was looking forward to gaining independence; to be able to do what I wanted to do, and to prove to those in my past (the ones who thought I wouldn't be able to "handle it") by proving them wrong and I graduated with a Bachelor's Degree in 'Film and TV Production' last year.
When I left College in 2012, I had no intentions of going to University. I face issues with social communication on a regular basis (even as I type this, I'm using a paraphrasing tool for extra support). However, after years of countless rejected job applications, I took a massive leap on something I never thought I'd face.
After a few weeks settling in, I joined a society. When you discover a society that you have an interest in, it breaks through that social barrier because you're meeting people with similar interests. I felt at ease around them and I'm still in contact with a few of them now. I never went clubbing (simply isn't my thing) and spent my evenings watching movies. I opted for studio accommodation; bit pricey, but that way, if I ever felt anxious or overwhelmed, I could unwind and relax in my own place. Everyone is different; some prefer to share, while others prefer not to - always go for what you feel is best for you. Most evenings I walked around campus taking photographs (which I found therapeutic) and I even brought an Unlimited card for the local cinema. In time, I forgot how anxious I was on "day one".
The first few weeks were challenging; everything was new to me, but after I established a routine, a map of the campus in my head (fortunately I have photographic memory), and getting to know people, everything else fell into place. And yes, I had a few "off-days" - we all face them, but that's okay. In terms of support, I had a 1 to 1 advisor who I saw once a week; it was nice to vent to someone about any issues I was facing.
It will feel different at first, but it will be worth it in the end. Settle in, take your time; in the first few weeks, gain a sense of your timetable and the University. If you meet any students who have similar interests, it will make it easier to build upon conversations. I myself was a bit concerned that I wouldn't make many friends; I probably gained at least 10 in the end, but I find it's more about the quality than the quantity. Take a look at what they have to offer in terms of "societies", take time for yourself if you ever need to and enjoy the adventure.
I totally agree with what you have written here Kaz - my eldest son went to Uni and had a similar experience. Most of the friends he made (and his now girlfriend) he met at a particular Society - the shared interest in the subject was like an ‘icebreaker’ and made making friends a little easier. It still took time, but he made good friends and they’re still his friends (he left Uni about 4 years ago). Even though it was quite difficult for him (for the first few months especially) he is so glad that he went. It definitely changed his life for the better - a LOT.
My advice would be to stick with it through the tougher times (if you have them) as overall you’ll probably be vary glad you did. Be prepared for a few rocky patches (most people have a few of those at Uni - whether they’re autistic or not) but try and stick with it if you can - because the rewards in the long run can be really significant.