Mental health

LOTS OF US HAVE THIS PROBLEM. And having it as sticky recurrent thinking which is difficult to distract from is even worse.

Hopefully you can find a positive direction. For me this id trying to develop a suicide prevention app, specifically for autistic spectrum people, based on lived experience of what we have found helpful.

Making a contribution to help others, helps me feel better!

What would you like to happen??????

Hi Emily,

Thank you for sharing this. This is a question and a situation that I also have been struggling with.

I have talked with a lot of different therapists over the years. Some help, some make things worse. I know that it's terrible to have to go through your history with every new therapist, but in my experience, "shopping around" until you find someone that you click with can really help. One of the aspects about depression that really sucks, at least for me, is that I have to advocate so hard for myself, when I'm so exhausted to begin with. How long until uni starts up again?

Best of luck I hope your appointment went well.

Agree with all of the above. You make excellent points.

Hi ninja yeah I think your spot on. It's like it builds and builds and then suddenly explodes but I don't notice it until it's way to late and then I don't know how to get back in control. Like being in a tornado spinning round and round and I can't get out. 

Hi H, thanks for sharing your list with me and being honest. It helped a lot thank you. I'm sorry about what you went through that must have been tough and I can hear that it must still be hard for you at times. But thank you. I never thought that maybe my cycle might play a part so next time I see my gp I'll mention this. Thank you.

Another member also suggested some of these so I'll mention to my gp about that as well. Can only help me at this point.

My diet is poor. I eat and drink very little, I try to get more in but I struggle with this and it's resulted in admission to hospital for fluids many times. I am trying harder tho to eat better.

Yes I've emailed and phoned Samaritans many many times. It's a helpful service.

Aw thank you for sharing that. I really do appreciate it. And next time I'm feeling that way I will try what you do and see how I get on with it.

I'm sorry about your dad and that he may have been misdiagnosed as well. I hear that's common for so many people. Wrong tho it shouldn't happen. 

Thanks yeah I'm the same taking it one day at a time and trying to ignore the impulses and just enjoy life and what I have. Not always easiest thing to do but if I don't try then I'll not get better.

I will reach out but it's hard finding people who understands. That why I came here because there's people who feel the same and know how it is.

Thank you for your kindness and support. It means a lot.

Hey nice guitar is good, a good way of unwinding. I used to play a few years ago I played love story by taylor and was learning Romeo and Juliet by dire straits. I understand when your overwhelmed and anxious tho makes it hard to play.

Your doggy sounds so cute! I'd love a dog for support and company but it's not possible at this time. The last pet I had died and it was kind of my fault so I avoid animals and pets at the moment.

What songs do you play on your guitar and what do you like to sing? 

Hi again thanks  next time I see my gp I'll discuss both with her and see what she thinks and if it can be done for me. I need something cause life can't go on like this. It's overwhelming and depressing.

Thanks yeah I'll try the baby steps just see if that can help me any. I do sometimes stand in the garden for five minutes a sort of way of me getting out for a few minutes.

Bathing is good and so is music. Always positive me.

For me, the $150-$200+ per hour psychotherapy fee is for a transaction for which there’s only one party that is always a winner — the therapist’s bank account.

Regarding skipping high school classes, I recall attending maybe half of Grades 8 and 9, both of which I despised and just barely passed. I then left regular high school and completed my GED in a separate program. 

Perhaps not surprising, I'd like to see child-development science curriculum implemented for secondary high school students, which could also include neurodiversity, albeit not overly complicated. If nothing else, the curriculum would offer students an idea/clue as to whether they’re emotionally/mentally compatible with the immense responsibility and strains of parenthood.)

When around their neurotypical peers, young people with an autism spectrum disorder typically feel compelled to “camouflage,” a term used to describe their attempts at appearing to naturally fit in, which is known to cause their already high anxiety and/or depression levels to worsen. And, of course, this exacerbation also applies to the high rate of suicide among ASD people.

my mental health is constantly decreasing. I started feeling this way 3 weeks ago - my anxiety is getting worse and I feel more tired every day. Yesterday wasn't a good day- a bad thing at school happened and it gave me the coup de grace. Today I skipped school because I'm feeling really bad, but I feel pathetic and a bit useless: everyone goes to school even if they feel bad, why am I so sensitive? Am I too weak? Yeah- I feel like ***. The only good thing is that today I'll finally take an appointment with my therapist (it's the first therapy session I have), so wish me good luck!

To Emily:

Since so much of our lifelong health comes from our childhood experiences, childhood mental health-care should generate as much societal concern and government funding as does physical health, even though psychological illness/dysfunction typically is not immediately visually observable. Also, if society is to avoid the most dreaded, invasive and reactive means of intervention — that of governmental forced removal of children from dysfunctional/abusive home environments — maybe we then should be willing to try an unconventional proactive means of preventing some future dysfunctional/abusive family situations.

Being free nations, society cannot prevent anyone from bearing children; society can, however, educate all young people for the most important job ever, even those high-schoolers who plan to always remain childless. One can imagine that greater factual knowledge of what exactly entails raising and nurturing a fully sentient child/consciousness in this messed-up world — therefore the immense importance and often overwhelming responsibility of proper rearing — would probably make a student less likely to willfully procreate as adults.

It seems logical to me that if people have their ACEs, etcetera, diagnosed when very young, they should be better able to deal with their condition(s) through life. I have a condition I consider to be a perfect storm of 'train wrecks' — with which I greatly struggle(d) while unaware (until I was a half-century old) its component dysfunctions had official titles. I still cannot afford to have a formal diagnosis made on my condition, due to having to pay for a specialized shrink, in our (Canada's) “universal” health-care system.

Within our “universal” health-care system, there are important health treatments that are unaffordable thus universally inaccessible, except for those with generous health-insurance coverage and/or a lot of extra doe.

Furthermore, Canada is the only country with "universal" health-care coverage that fails to also cover medication. Not surprising, a late-2019 Angus Reid study found that, over the previous year, due to medication unaffordability, almost a quarter of Canadians decided against filling a prescription or having one renewed. Not only is medication less affordable, but other research has revealed that many low-income outpatients who cannot afford to fill their prescriptions end up back in the hospital system as a result, therefore costing far more for provincial and federal government health ministries than if the medication had been covered.

Also, I don't believe it's just coincidental that the only two health professions’ appointments for which Canadians are fully covered by the public plan are the two readily pharmaceutical-prescribing psychiatry and general practitioner health professions? Such non-Big-Pharma-benefiting health specialists as counsellors, therapists and naturopaths (etcetera) are not covered a red cent.

P.S. I tend to get agitated when I receive a strong suggestion from the media, however well-intentioned, to 'get therapy', as though anyone can access it, regardless of the $150-$200+ per hour they charge. For me, even worse is the fact that payment is for a product/transaction for which there’s only one party that is always a winner — the therapist’s bank account.

This seems to be a multifaceted problem, it would be very hard fod me to imagine what you to go through.

If I would make a guess from my experience about the conditions you face, I think autism can play a role where you might be less aware of your feelings until your conditions flares up from a compulsive trauma response, so you feel less in control.

Does this sound right to you?

Hi Emily,

I'm so sorry that you are going through everything so strongly and regularly.  I am going to share a list of things that have helped me in the past and what helps me in those moments now:

1. Most of my issues in my 20s were exacerbated by my hormones.  I eventually had my ovaries removed but had to wait until now in my 40s because despite my sensitivity to hormone fluctuations and my decision in my 30s that one child was enough for me, the GPs were not allowed to undertake the procedure until I was no longer of child bearing age.  I suffered from severe PMS and the removal of my ovaries helped dramatically.  Your cycle may be something to look into to see if it correlates with your moods?  I kept a PMS mood diary as suggested by the G.P and it was concluded that after all other treatments, this was the only option left.
2. CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) works on reframing your thoughts.  Taking the thoughts, thinking of a positive version and coming up with a balanced conclusion at the end.  This is a very simple overview and varies according to the practitioner and other therapies and perspectives that they deem "fit" the patient.  I've had some cracking counsellors throughout the years and am currently on the waiting list for help through psychology.
3. EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) is a therapy that works on eye movement and how this helps the mind process and work through complex trauma.  It is another possibility to try.  I've not tried this as of yet due to finances.
4. EFT (Tapping therapy) is a therapy which involves tapping on various points of the body whilst verbally working through problems.  I did this in a group and alone.  I found the group brought out a lot more emotions in me but I felt calmer afterwards.  When doing the therapy myself I was able to cry more which I felt helped because I see tears as healing for me as an individual.
5. Aromatherapy This is something I find very useful that I have not been able to have due to COVID.  I am a trained masseuse but can't work in this due to allergies.  The good thing about my training though is that I learned deep pressure massage helps with my mental health.
6. Diet/Exercise/Nature I'm sure you know all of this, eating better and connecting with nature as much as possible definitely helps the mind.
7. Samaritans I often have suicidal and overwhelming thoughts which is where I contact samaritans.  It gets it me out of my head and allows me to talk without fear of hurting another persons feelings.  I'm sure you'll have tried this too.
8. Self harm alternatives I pace up and down and do full body shakes and close my eyes.  I feel that my overwhelming feelings come from the environment so closing my eyes shuts that out and shaking gets rid of the adrenaline built up from being terrified.  This is a personal thing I've never told anyone.  

I understand all of the challenges you describe as my Dad was diagnosed Bipolar and had all of the pain you describe.  From being on here however, I strongly believe that his diagnosis was wrong and therefore his medication and treatment programme also not helpful for him.  I am not a therapist and do not know you as a person but I know the pain you are experiencing inside which is terrifying and ongoing.  I try to focus on trying to get through each moment when everything is closing in around me.  Try to not act on impulses of suicide just a little longer.  Make the impulse to phone someone you can trust or do something to stop yourself because your life is worth the fight.  There will be little things that make you feel a little less overwhelmed, try to do these (as long as they are not unhelpful and destructive) and take everything at the speed you can deal with.

You have taken this step to post this.  If all you can manage is to say/type help, take that step to reach out and ask.  People want to help and will try their best as many people understand the pain you hold inside and that in itself connects you to us.  Stick with little steps and take your time.  Pain has a way of changing, like the weather.

Thanks for trusting everyone here with your feelings.

Sending hugs and strength.

I hope you’re ok.  The things you write about are what helped me being diagnosed with ASD. I’ve learnt what helps me.. for example my guitar, but sometimes I’m to overwhelmed and all shakes.. then I walk the dog. This helps me a lot.. owning a German shepherd is social distancing and space is given, I pull all my thought into him because I have to.. pulls me back to reality.. but normally my guitar.. I also have a playlist on my phone, called depression change.. it’s hyper nu-metal and it works no matter what. But I’m a loud singer ha  sorry to ramble on

Emily said:

The ptsd was also caused by a traumatic event for me as well and so was the rest I think. It didn't help anyway.

OK so the traumatic event to me sounds like something separate that can be compounded by your other conditions. I would definitely try to get that treated specifically because it could make a big difference to your wellbeing. The two treatments usually offered are CBT and EMDR. I would push for one of those if I was you. EMDR can be quite hard to go through apparently but can work wonders. Stay positive and push to get something here

Yes, try to do baby steps. A goal could be to go outside for 5 min. It could be do some stretching for 2 min. It could be eat an apple. And then build from there. Start small.

If you have a bath try to clear you head. Have you heard of the Calm app? Or listen to some music, whatever works for you. Just try to not blame yourself, and think positive thoughts.

Omg I'm so sorry to read what you've been through and what you go through. It sounds like you really have struggled and I am really sorry to hear that. But I'm really glad CBT worked for you, that's great! :) I've not had CBT and it hasn't been suggested to me but next time I see the mental health team, I've got an assessment coming up so I can mention it then. Thank you for the suggestion. Hopefully it will work for me as well :)

I understand the flashbacks and suicidal thoughts I get that pretty much every day. I also get really horrible and vivid nightmares, not sure if you've ever had that? I guess it's all linked and had become one giant mess now. The ptsd was also caused by a traumatic event for me as well and so was the rest I think. It didn't help anyway.

I try to be kind to myself but it's not always easy. But thank you for the suggestions, I'll try a hot bath in a minute and see how that makes me feel :) and I'll work on some goals to do though there not always very easy to complete haha. Maybe I set to impossible tasks? I did used to go driving which I loved, help clear my head but I've temporarily had my license removed but I'm hoping I'll get it back this year :) 

Thank you for the good vibes and your help :) 

I'm sorry your mental health is like that but totally understand. Mine was as well but the last few years its been down and hasn't really come back up much, maybe it will soon. Not sure.

I've got official diagnosis which was in April 2011. Answered a lot of questions, especially for my parents. Did for me as well though sort of explained why I'm so different.

Thanks. I do call Samaritans a lot actually and if things got really bad I have my mental health team but I try not to call them because if I do I get assessed and usually end up in hospital so I'm trying not to go back there anytime soon :) 

Thank you for your reply.

I think Tonik has made some very sensible and helpful points.

All I can add is that I have also had depression and anxiety - these often come with autism but everyone with autism seems to be different so no sure predictor there. I have had PTSD very badly (intense flashbacks at all times of the day and night) but that was not linked to autism, though no doubt that made it worse, that was instead caused by an horrific life event that no-one should ever have to go through. I was suicidal for 6 months when dealing with the PTSD. What helped in a big way on PTSD for me was CBT, as did time, and reading books that dealt with the particular causal issue that I was facing at the time. I'm not aware of PTSD being linked with autism, and if it is not then I think that is helpful because you may find CBT and other well-known techniques can help address that specific issue. You may see others jump in here saying things like CBT, [insert therapy X] don't work on autistics, but as above we are all different and so I would not be put off by that - it worked for me after all.

So, there are many others that can relate to what you have been through. As Tonik says, mental health can sometimes be cyclical, it can help to think of it as waves crashing over you and then they clear. So there is respite, periods of calm.

Thinking of you and sending good vibes.

A final thought, one which my CBT therapist said to me, is to be kind to yourself, look after yourself and be decadent if you are able to. Have a hot bath, buy your favourite treat, binge on a favourite tv show. It's not your fault, the situation is just the situation. Try to accept it. Then v slowly and gently set little achievable goals. When you hit one, celebrate. Pamper yourself some more. And so on.