My Quest to get a girlfriend has really effected my mental health

Hi Adam, 

AwesomeAdam said:

My first attempt at getting a girlfriend was a complete disaster because I ended up getting banned from a building and the woman never wants to see me again.

You don't need to go into the specifics, but this alone would tend to suggest that your behaviour was inappropriate to the situation.

There are a lot of autistic people on here who can help you navigate the strange world of love, sex and physical intimacy, which can be a source of confusion and frustration to so many of us.  My experiences are mainly homosexual ones, so I don't fully understand the dynamics of male-female attraction, and therefore will only be able to offer your general dating advice and guidance.  

Inappropriate in their opinion, not mine. I didn't do anything wrong, and that's a fact!

Well, that's in the past now anyway. I know for a fact that there are a lot of autistic people on here who can help you navigate the strange world of love, sex and physical intimacy. Depending on where you are in the or UK there are a number of charities that offer autistic people 1-2-1 support in areas such as intimate relationships.

She has (her words) supported autistic people for 20+ years and has a pretty good track record of helping people navigate their way through issues in forming and understanding relationships.

That's fair enough. I retain a degree of scepticism but until I've seen more direct evidence of that sort of assistance I'm not really in a position to contradict that.

My interactions with NTs indicate that cold, or at least luke warm, 1-2-1, is the most successful strategy for them. Many 'pick some one up' they've just met. More frequent is hooking up somewhere around the 3 to 5th interaction. For example, a new person comes to a regular event, they get chatting. Next event they seek each other out start chatting again. 3rd event they're already starting to act very familiar with each other as if they were already dating and by the end of the night they've officially become an item.

My observation has been if the necessary rapport for hard core flirting hasn't kicked in at most after 2 or 3 meetings the chances of a relationship forming declines rapidly, if nothing else because someone else tends to get there first.

So the mentality of a pick up artist may be over kill. In terms of thinking they have one shot to make a connection. However there is clearly a ticking clock before any chance of establishing a perception in the other party that you are relationship material is blocked by their growing familiarity which tends to lock their present perception of you in stone.

Peter said:

Forgive me but I doubt they'd be able to focus that on relationship, particularly romantic relations, forming skills.

Already, I have briefly discussed relationships with my support worker. And she has invited me to talk about any barriers I have related to life, love and work. She has (her words) supported autistic people for 20+ years and has a pretty good track record of helping people navigate their way through issues in forming and understanding relationships.

Now, whether she will be giving specialist tuition on how to pick up women, I very much doubt. That's not a skill I'd want or value to be quite frank. That sounds like the kind of bragging nonsense you hear from pissed up blokes down the pub. 

That said, I'm not here to advocate for any one particular charity, nor am I here to assess the depth and scope of the service they provide. I have merely offered an example of one charity in the north west that does help people with autism to navigate these matters i response to your initial statement.

all on-line dating becomes face-to-face - but you've at least pre-filtered the person you're dealing with - a cold 1-2-1 is incredibly hard to do - the stress is immense so performance suffers..

who said anything about online dating? I was thinking of more face to face skills.

who said anything about online dating? I was thinking of more face to face skills.

My interactions with NTs indicate that cold, or at least luke warm, 1-2-1, is the most successful strategy for them. Many 'pick some one up' they've just met. More frequent is hooking up somewhere around the 3 to 5th interaction. For example, a new person comes to a regular event, they get chatting. Next event they seek each other out start chatting again. 3rd event they're already starting to act very familiar with each other as if they were already dating and by the end of the night they've officially become an item.

My observation has been if the necessary rapport for hard core flirting hasn't kicked in at most after 2 or 3 meetings the chances of a relationship forming declines rapidly, if nothing else because someone else tends to get there first.

So the mentality of a pick up artist may be over kill. In terms of thinking they have one shot to make a connection. However there is clearly a ticking clock before any chance of establishing a perception in the other party that you are relationship material is blocked by their growing familiarity which tends to lock their present perception of you in stone.

all on-line dating becomes face-to-face - but you've at least pre-filtered the person you're dealing with - a cold 1-2-1 is incredibly hard to do - the stress is immense so performance suffers..