Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello all,
I'm a 38 year old woman who would like to connect with other people who have ASD partners. My OH was diagnosed last week. Our relationship has been very strained for at least 18 months (we've been together 7 years) and I'm taking anti depressants. I find it difficult to cope with the stress of being the sole breadwinner/carer. I'm on the brink of moving out and could really do with some support or helpful advice. I'd like to try living separately but still be in a relationship. Has anyone here had similar experiences they could share with me?
Thanks x
Do you have any support network?
Hi EiR, His parents are fairly supportive. He also has a rich (yet reluctant to help) grandfather. I'm guessing once I move out they'll have to step up and start funding things themselves. Right now everything seems like such a mess!
At the moment it does........but things can and DO shift....
great to hear that he has the support network.....how about you?
I'm not sure. The best way I can describe it is that I'm extremely sensitive to subtle changes in loved one's behaviour and am unable to bear anyone's unhappiness or displeasure. I'm always 'taking the temperature of the room' and am most certainly a people pleaser.
Would you describe yourself as an em-path by nature?
All valid questions worth giving some thought. With help from my therapist, I've come to think that the only way to find out is by taking the time away and healing some of my toxic shame. I'm programmed to be a carer - I grew up with a disabled dad and also lived in and cared for my lovely grandpa before he died. This is why my boundaries often become porous. I'd like to see if things could work with my current OH living separately. There must be a reason why I have two Autie men in my life (my good friend and my fella) - I tend to enjoy the straightforwardness of them, plus the tendency to analyse and be very intense....oh and don't forget the artistic temperament! I love musicians and artists although it doesn't always make for an easy life :-)
Oh Wow, that is awesomely kind of you.
Thank you Hendrow - that's really very thoughtful and helpful. I will respond to her :-)
Its really is!!!!
I have sent you an email, I would love you to talk to my 'long suffering' partner, I think she is very very lonely at times. She is not like me, with Skype, Messenger's, Unlimited Mobile, Landline FREE International call's -You get my gist. (Is that an Autistic thing?) Because I am happy in a cyber world. She is happy hugging her very furry, rescue bunnies.- We are like, Chalk and Cheese, come to mind! I am gonna send you another email, she read your post and I think she as a neuro-typical 'felt' and 'understood' for you. (I am crap at understanding people so I could be way off the mark, with what I saw.)
You're right Hendrow. A few months back I found myself on a different website discussion of AS partners and everyone was so negative. I didn't feel at all at home somewhere with so little understanding.