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My OH has just been diagnosed

Littlewarbler
over 7 years ago

Hello all,

I'm a 38 year old woman who would like to connect with other people who have ASD partners. My OH was diagnosed last week. Our relationship has been very strained for at least 18 months (we've been together 7 years) and I'm taking anti depressants. I find it difficult to cope with the stress of being the sole breadwinner/carer. I'm on the brink of moving out and could really do with some support or helpful advice. I'd like to try living separately but still be in a relationship. Has anyone here had similar experiences they could share with me?

Thanks x

Parents
  • over 7 years ago

    Do you have any support network?

  • over 7 years ago in reply to .

    Hi EiR, His parents are fairly supportive. He also has a rich (yet reluctant to help) grandfather. I'm guessing once I move out they'll have to step up and start funding things themselves. Right now everything seems like such a mess! 

  • over 7 years ago in reply to Littlewarbler

    At the moment it does........but things can and DO shift....

    great to hear that he has the support network.....how about you?

  • over 7 years ago in reply to Hendrow

    I'm not sure. The best way I can describe it is that I'm extremely sensitive to subtle changes in loved one's behaviour and am unable to bear anyone's unhappiness or displeasure. I'm always 'taking the temperature of the room' and am most certainly a people pleaser. 

  • over 7 years ago in reply to Littlewarbler

    Would you describe yourself as an em-path by nature?

  • over 7 years ago in reply to .

    All valid questions worth giving some thought. With help from my therapist, I've come to think that the only way to find out is by taking the time away and healing some of my toxic shame. I'm programmed to be a carer - I grew up with a disabled dad and also lived in and cared for my lovely grandpa before he died. This is why my boundaries often become porous. I'd like to see if things could work with my current OH living separately. There must be a reason why I have two Autie men in my life (my good friend and my fella) - I tend to enjoy the straightforwardness of them, plus the tendency to analyse and be very intense....oh and don't forget the artistic temperament! I love musicians and artists although it doesn't always make for an easy life :-) 

Reply
  • over 7 years ago in reply to .

    All valid questions worth giving some thought. With help from my therapist, I've come to think that the only way to find out is by taking the time away and healing some of my toxic shame. I'm programmed to be a carer - I grew up with a disabled dad and also lived in and cared for my lovely grandpa before he died. This is why my boundaries often become porous. I'd like to see if things could work with my current OH living separately. There must be a reason why I have two Autie men in my life (my good friend and my fella) - I tend to enjoy the straightforwardness of them, plus the tendency to analyse and be very intense....oh and don't forget the artistic temperament! I love musicians and artists although it doesn't always make for an easy life :-) 

Children