Hello

Don49 said:

When I was younger I had quite a bit of individual and group therapy of various kinds, but no one really knew what the problem was in those days. Since getting a diagnosis I have had a course of CBT, which was not really very helpful, but it is hard to find anything else.

I didn't find CBT very helpful, either.  Learning to understand why I feel the way I feel doesn't stop me from feeling the way I feel.

I've had individual and group therapy, both of which have helped in terms of getting informed responses to my thoughts and feelings, and through giving me a sense of 'community' and identification.

I find forums like this very helpful, too, for those reasons.  Plus... I have the distance from others, and the time to think about what I want to say.

On the spot and face to face, it's always a struggle.  Practice does improve things, but it also depends on the type of environment you're working in.  I work in care, so it's quite congenial.  In other environments, I'd feel much less confident.

When I was younger I had quite a bit of individual and group therapy of various kinds, but no one really knew what the problem was in those days. Since getting a diagnosis I have had a course of CBT, which was not really very helpful, but it is hard to find anything else.

That's the problem. It is something that needs a lot of practice, which is hard to get if you lack social confidence to begin with. I am always trying to find situations or groups where I can talk to some extent, but this is not easy. I would like to find a group that was specifically aimed at helping people to improve their conversational abilities.

Hi Don49,

You sound very much like me.  I think I tend to over-compensate with communication.  I'm never sure when is the right time to speak.  I think I probably butt in a lot.

One person at work who I have particular problems with is, oddly, another Aspie.  He's almost the archetype of Asperger's 'little professor'.  It doesn't matter what subject you mention, he knows about it - often in great detail.  His knowledge of all the natural sciences, mathematics, geography and history is quite profound.  He also knows huge amounts about art and culture.  And he's very quick to pick people up on points of accuracy.  I find him quite intimidating because I feel that whatever I say is being scrutinized.

Over the years, I've learned a lot simply by listening to other people in conversation.  At work, first thing in the morning, everyone sits around a table and engages in general chit-chat.  I'm okay with up to about 4 others there.  Once the numbers start increasing above that, I'm beginning to get side-lined.  I watch the others, too.  The most popular people seem to be the ones who are very strong on eye contact.  One guy in particular is popular with everyone.  He just seems to have an easy way.  He shows genuine interest.  He's also very sure of himself and takes charge of situations very well, so people tend to look up to him.  I think people 'like' me, but they don't 'take' to me.  The others all engage in back-slapping, high-fives, etc.  Even the other Aspie.  When he walks in, he always bumps fists with everyone, calls people 'dude', etc.  I spoke to him one day about how he seems to get on with everyone, and doesn't seem to have communication problems in the same way I do.  He said it's all 'front'. 

I suppose we all put on a front.  With me, though, I feel it's obvious. 

Don49, have you had much, if any, help from your local services?

Don49 said:

 I feel that if I could improve my ability to make conversation it would make a great difference to my life.

Don

How do you plan to do this ?