Published on 12, July, 2020
I was diagnosed with Asperger's a few years ago. I had been pretty sure for a long time before getting a formal diagnosis that this was what I had.I manage to cope with some aspects of life: I have a career and am quite independent. In fact the psychiatrist who made the diagnosis said that I had done very well. I have many of the common problems, especially to do with sensory sensitivity, but the thing that causes the most difficulty is communication with other people. I am very shy and inhibited in verbal interactions, which leads to a great sense of isolation. I feel that if I could improve my ability to make conversation it would make a great difference to my life.
Don
Hi Don49,
You sound very much like me. I think I tend to over-compensate with communication. I'm never sure when is the right time to speak. I think I probably butt in a lot.
One person at work who I have particular problems with is, oddly, another Aspie. He's almost the archetype of Asperger's 'little professor'. It doesn't matter what subject you mention, he knows about it - often in great detail. His knowledge of all the natural sciences, mathematics, geography and history is quite profound. He also knows huge amounts about art and culture. And he's very quick to pick people up on points of accuracy. I find him quite intimidating because I feel that whatever I say is being scrutinized.
Over the years, I've learned a lot simply by listening to other people in conversation. At work, first thing in the morning, everyone sits around a table and engages in general chit-chat. I'm okay with up to about 4 others there. Once the numbers start increasing above that, I'm beginning to get side-lined. I watch the others, too. The most popular people seem to be the ones who are very strong on eye contact. One guy in particular is popular with everyone. He just seems to have an easy way. He shows genuine interest. He's also very sure of himself and takes charge of situations very well, so people tend to look up to him. I think people 'like' me, but they don't 'take' to me. The others all engage in back-slapping, high-fives, etc. Even the other Aspie. When he walks in, he always bumps fists with everyone, calls people 'dude', etc. I spoke to him one day about how he seems to get on with everyone, and doesn't seem to have communication problems in the same way I do. He said it's all 'front'.
I suppose we all put on a front. With me, though, I feel it's obvious.