Hello everyone!

Thank you, yes I will get a diagnosis - I am dealing with a lot of issues following my mothers death, and I'll have to work through these first, I think, if I can.

You can still get a diagnosis even without a relative, I live in Cornwall and found a group online who helps self referrals ...do it, you will feel much better if you know and then you can get help, advice and support.

You're welcome.

40... around where I was.

I'm with you on the anti-depressant thing.  I don't take them anymore.  I've tried several over the years, and Prozac was the only one that really helped.  Trouble is, it gave me muscle spasms, which kept me awake at night.  If the depression is really crippling you, though - well, I know how horrible it can be.

I'm sorry to hear about your mother.  I, too, am close to mine and always have been.  She's the only person who really 'gets' me.  She's ailing now, though, with end-stage CKD.  I'm handling a good deal of her care at the moment and am looking at becoming a more full-time carer.

It would still be worth your while talking to your GP.  It may even be worth insisting on their pursuing this route for you.  I know services are under strain... but the point, as I've often said, is: if you had a physical illness, such as diabetes or cancer, you'd get the appropriate treatment.  Because these conditions are 'invisible', then can be overlooked or downplayed - as with my experience with the CPN.

Good luck, anyway.  Let me know how it goes.

Thank you for this. I certainly think a diagnosis would help, while I am in little doubt that I have an ASD it is very difficult to communicate that to others if it is only self-diagnosed. I just don't feel comfortable even talking about it in case people think I'm just making it up.

I found the Baron-Cohen test online, and scored 40. I also found an empathy test, scored 18 out of 80 on that, which was of little surprise to me. It's just hard to take the first steps with this.

One issue that may be awkward here is that there is no-one now who has known me my whole life. I have lived with my mother for my entire life, as personal relationships have been impossible for me. She passed away last year, I have no other family or close friends so it's just not possible for me to involve anyone else in a diagnosis. Whether that would be problematic remains to be seen. Frankly, I should probably be getting some treatment for the crippling depression her death has left me with but I am very wary of anti-depressants as my father was on them (and anti-psychotics) for many years and this did not end well for him, and I am equally wary of getting involved with psychiatrists because of this. So maybe this is not quite the right time, but I'll make some enquiries anyway and see how it goes.

Thanks.

Hi Ardmark,

Great to hear from you!

Basically, the story is... I had a breakdown 6 years ago.  I was working at the time with autistic people, and found myself becoming increasingly distressed at the attitude displayed to them by many of the other staff.  I didn't have any training for the role, but I had an instinct for it - and my instinct told me that these people were being told off and disciplined for things they had no real control over.  At the time, though, I didn't know very much about autism per se.

My breakdown was a combination of work-related stress (see above!) and another life crisis.  My GP signed me off with the ususal 'depression' and 'anxiety disorder', and also now 'alcohol misuse'.  The latter had never been a problem for me until around my mid-30s, when I started to use alcohol to calm my increasing sense of anxiety in most life situations.  Anyway... of my own accord, I sought out the help of a psychological therapist locally, who was offering heavily-discounted sessions (£5 for 50 minutes) for people on low incomes and benefits.  I saw her once a week for almost two years, and she heard my entire life story.  She put a lot of the pieces together.  She initially thought, because of the symptoms I was exhibiting, that I had Borderline Personality Disorder.  We tried for a diagnosis, but the CPN I saw said 'I can tell by looking at you that you don't have BPD.'  How stupid is that?  From a CPN!

As my sessions continued though, my therapist thought she had identified a deeper root for my symptoms, and this is when autism was suggested.  I'd not considered it, having only encountered it in learning disabilities situations.  I wasn't really aware of Asperger's or high-functioning autism.  She, though, took me back through the things that I'd told her about my life.  She identified my alcohol problem, too, as - as she put it - my problems with my life finally catching up with me.  Likewise, the breakdown. 

She wrote to my GP suggesting a referral for ASD.  Within a few weeks, I had an email from the local autism diagnostic unit which included the standard Baron-Cohen test.  I did that and sent it back.  I scored 39 out of 50 - highly-suggestive of Asperger's.  Next, after a few months, I had a home visit from an assessor at Kent Autistic Trust.  He asked me a lot of further questions.  He said he had little doubt that the diagnosis was worth pursuing, and he agreed to do this.  I then had to wait almost two years before finally getting called to a formal assessment with a clinical psychologist.  I took my mother with me, as part of the assessment involved interviewing someone who'd known me for life.  About three months after this, I finally received the official diagnosis.  As I've said... it was a wonderful feeling.  I felt validated at last.  It covered all of the ground, accounting for my problems with social communication, making friends, sustaining relationships.  And the anxiety, which still dogs me from day to day - though I know now what causes it.

The paragraph that always hits me the hardest whenever I read it now is this summarising one:

The problems noted above have interferred with the patient's life by causing depression, social isolation, difficulties at school and work, and an inability to attain life goals.

Sometimes, it makes me feel that my life has been wasted - even though it hasn't .  I do get down about it on occasion.  But generally speaking, I do feel more positive now.  My life makes sense to me, at last! That diagnosis can be so helpful for me if I encounter problems in the future, too.  Hopefully, I'll then be able to get the proper help - not just anti-depressants and a sick note.

Overall, I'd certainly encourage you to go for a diagnosis if you think it will help you.  If you can't get anywhere through your local CMHT, maybe you could have a good discussion with your GP and persuade him or her to consider a referral.  You could take the Baron-Cohen test (it's online) and use that as a starting point for a discussion.  It isn't a diagnosis, of course - but it'll give you a good indication about where you might stand.  I was lucky with that therapist.  Without her subsidies, I couldn't have afforded private therapy.  But maybe there is someone in your region you could see who might be affordable if money is an issue for you.  In any case, you could start with your GP.

In terms of time-frame - I was slightly older than you are when I first started the ball rolling.  So... it's never too late!

Good luck.

Hi, Martian Tom

I am trying to decide on whether to get a formal diagnosis myself, and at 51 I thought there was not much point. I only became aware of the condition of Aspergers a couple of years ago, which is surprising in itself given how much I am affected by it - probably more so than most people on the spectrum who are considered 'high functioning' - and after reading a couple of books, I realise how much a diagnosis would have helped me earlier in life. But I am encouraged by what you have said and would be interested to know a little more about your path to diagnosis, because frankly I don't know where to start.

Did you go through a GP initially or take some other route, such a private therapy? I'm not receiving any help at the moment (although I think I should be) so I need to start from scratch here. I have concerns about being treated rather dismissively because of my age, so did you experience anything like this? And how long did the process take?