Hello everyone!

Hi Ardmark,

Great to hear from you!

Basically, the story is... I had a breakdown 6 years ago.  I was working at the time with autistic people, and found myself becoming increasingly distressed at the attitude displayed to them by many of the other staff.  I didn't have any training for the role, but I had an instinct for it - and my instinct told me that these people were being told off and disciplined for things they had no real control over.  At the time, though, I didn't know very much about autism per se.

My breakdown was a combination of work-related stress (see above!) and another life crisis.  My GP signed me off with the ususal 'depression' and 'anxiety disorder', and also now 'alcohol misuse'.  The latter had never been a problem for me until around my mid-30s, when I started to use alcohol to calm my increasing sense of anxiety in most life situations.  Anyway... of my own accord, I sought out the help of a psychological therapist locally, who was offering heavily-discounted sessions (£5 for 50 minutes) for people on low incomes and benefits.  I saw her once a week for almost two years, and she heard my entire life story.  She put a lot of the pieces together.  She initially thought, because of the symptoms I was exhibiting, that I had Borderline Personality Disorder.  We tried for a diagnosis, but the CPN I saw said 'I can tell by looking at you that you don't have BPD.'  How stupid is that?  From a CPN!

As my sessions continued though, my therapist thought she had identified a deeper root for my symptoms, and this is when autism was suggested.  I'd not considered it, having only encountered it in learning disabilities situations.  I wasn't really aware of Asperger's or high-functioning autism.  She, though, took me back through the things that I'd told her about my life.  She identified my alcohol problem, too, as - as she put it - my problems with my life finally catching up with me.  Likewise, the breakdown. 

She wrote to my GP suggesting a referral for ASD.  Within a few weeks, I had an email from the local autism diagnostic unit which included the standard Baron-Cohen test.  I did that and sent it back.  I scored 39 out of 50 - highly-suggestive of Asperger's.  Next, after a few months, I had a home visit from an assessor at Kent Autistic Trust.  He asked me a lot of further questions.  He said he had little doubt that the diagnosis was worth pursuing, and he agreed to do this.  I then had to wait almost two years before finally getting called to a formal assessment with a clinical psychologist.  I took my mother with me, as part of the assessment involved interviewing someone who'd known me for life.  About three months after this, I finally received the official diagnosis.  As I've said... it was a wonderful feeling.  I felt validated at last.  It covered all of the ground, accounting for my problems with social communication, making friends, sustaining relationships.  And the anxiety, which still dogs me from day to day - though I know now what causes it.

The paragraph that always hits me the hardest whenever I read it now is this summarising one:

The problems noted above have interferred with the patient's life by causing depression, social isolation, difficulties at school and work, and an inability to attain life goals.

Sometimes, it makes me feel that my life has been wasted - even though it hasn't .  I do get down about it on occasion.  But generally speaking, I do feel more positive now.  My life makes sense to me, at last! That diagnosis can be so helpful for me if I encounter problems in the future, too.  Hopefully, I'll then be able to get the proper help - not just anti-depressants and a sick note.

Overall, I'd certainly encourage you to go for a diagnosis if you think it will help you.  If you can't get anywhere through your local CMHT, maybe you could have a good discussion with your GP and persuade him or her to consider a referral.  You could take the Baron-Cohen test (it's online) and use that as a starting point for a discussion.  It isn't a diagnosis, of course - but it'll give you a good indication about where you might stand.  I was lucky with that therapist.  Without her subsidies, I couldn't have afforded private therapy.  But maybe there is someone in your region you could see who might be affordable if money is an issue for you.  In any case, you could start with your GP.

In terms of time-frame - I was slightly older than you are when I first started the ball rolling.  So... it's never too late!

Good luck.

Hi Ardmark,

Great to hear from you!

Basically, the story is... I had a breakdown 6 years ago.  I was working at the time with autistic people, and found myself becoming increasingly distressed at the attitude displayed to them by many of the other staff.  I didn't have any training for the role, but I had an instinct for it - and my instinct told me that these people were being told off and disciplined for things they had no real control over.  At the time, though, I didn't know very much about autism per se.

My breakdown was a combination of work-related stress (see above!) and another life crisis.  My GP signed me off with the ususal 'depression' and 'anxiety disorder', and also now 'alcohol misuse'.  The latter had never been a problem for me until around my mid-30s, when I started to use alcohol to calm my increasing sense of anxiety in most life situations.  Anyway... of my own accord, I sought out the help of a psychological therapist locally, who was offering heavily-discounted sessions (£5 for 50 minutes) for people on low incomes and benefits.  I saw her once a week for almost two years, and she heard my entire life story.  She put a lot of the pieces together.  She initially thought, because of the symptoms I was exhibiting, that I had Borderline Personality Disorder.  We tried for a diagnosis, but the CPN I saw said 'I can tell by looking at you that you don't have BPD.'  How stupid is that?  From a CPN!

As my sessions continued though, my therapist thought she had identified a deeper root for my symptoms, and this is when autism was suggested.  I'd not considered it, having only encountered it in learning disabilities situations.  I wasn't really aware of Asperger's or high-functioning autism.  She, though, took me back through the things that I'd told her about my life.  She identified my alcohol problem, too, as - as she put it - my problems with my life finally catching up with me.  Likewise, the breakdown. 

She wrote to my GP suggesting a referral for ASD.  Within a few weeks, I had an email from the local autism diagnostic unit which included the standard Baron-Cohen test.  I did that and sent it back.  I scored 39 out of 50 - highly-suggestive of Asperger's.  Next, after a few months, I had a home visit from an assessor at Kent Autistic Trust.  He asked me a lot of further questions.  He said he had little doubt that the diagnosis was worth pursuing, and he agreed to do this.  I then had to wait almost two years before finally getting called to a formal assessment with a clinical psychologist.  I took my mother with me, as part of the assessment involved interviewing someone who'd known me for life.  About three months after this, I finally received the official diagnosis.  As I've said... it was a wonderful feeling.  I felt validated at last.  It covered all of the ground, accounting for my problems with social communication, making friends, sustaining relationships.  And the anxiety, which still dogs me from day to day - though I know now what causes it.

The paragraph that always hits me the hardest whenever I read it now is this summarising one:

The problems noted above have interferred with the patient's life by causing depression, social isolation, difficulties at school and work, and an inability to attain life goals.

Sometimes, it makes me feel that my life has been wasted - even though it hasn't .  I do get down about it on occasion.  But generally speaking, I do feel more positive now.  My life makes sense to me, at last! That diagnosis can be so helpful for me if I encounter problems in the future, too.  Hopefully, I'll then be able to get the proper help - not just anti-depressants and a sick note.

Overall, I'd certainly encourage you to go for a diagnosis if you think it will help you.  If you can't get anywhere through your local CMHT, maybe you could have a good discussion with your GP and persuade him or her to consider a referral.  You could take the Baron-Cohen test (it's online) and use that as a starting point for a discussion.  It isn't a diagnosis, of course - but it'll give you a good indication about where you might stand.  I was lucky with that therapist.  Without her subsidies, I couldn't have afforded private therapy.  But maybe there is someone in your region you could see who might be affordable if money is an issue for you.  In any case, you could start with your GP.

In terms of time-frame - I was slightly older than you are when I first started the ball rolling.  So... it's never too late!

Good luck.